I closed my eyes for the final time, or so I thought,

but god ****** me this morning, as my vision, the sun's rays caught.

We circle the days that we look forward to with invisible ink,

trigger finger, coping mechanism, drink this lead so you won't sink.

Imagine images colored all the same, pictured differently,

trying to take away the pain.

A mistake was made the day that I was claimed, revolving melodies,

that all just trade away.

Hope evolves, and then there's me not believing in evolution,

"clean up your life," but I'm just that forever pollution.

Life lives and death dies,

another day goes by and my existence is surprised.

Tempt with discovery, a new needle-tongued lie,

close my eyes, embrace the darkness, because tomorrow we will "survive."

Cling to the good, the best, maybe my childhood?

You'd think there'd be something there, a joy, a love, I wish I could.

Broad brush painting black thin lines,

Second-Hand clock retreating, trying its hardest to turn back time.

It's stuck, my luck, right here in the un-divine,

a holy disaster unfolds as this ball of yarn unwinds.

I’ve attempted to write down the things that matter most,
A message that’s meaningful, or words that will help me think,
But the light burned out, this pen ran dry of ink.
A cause, an effect, a practice makes perfect subject.
Tracing shaky steps as I fall to the floor,
A willingness to live, trapped right outside the door.

Pounding once, twice, three times on wood,
Clutch praying pearls, as a good faith measure should.
The answer comes, pouring like rain,
My issue is that I only hear them as they slip down the drain.
Punctured picture, removing my smile from old frames,
I’m in my own position, myself, my upbringing, my own thoughts to blame.

I reach for hope, not realizing that my sanity came unglued,
I settled on the incorrect decision that I’m “just fine,” and that I’ll “make do.”
Hate exists on the balance beam of what most consider love,
I consider the presence of darkness a calm, needed drug.
Dice clutched to my chest, afraid to tempt fate,
I let one stumble, and slip, to help my surrender placate.

Easy answers hidden behind the eyes of dead lies,
My decisions are mine, never cross the line, to my surprise.
Pills and promises fed to help make one believe,
Bills and an unhealthy conscious are all that my mind breeds.

There’s a reason that they don’t intertwine,
head and heart, forever war, combustion and collide.

Stalemate, ever deserving,  declares a winner,
decided by the apathy from the hands of a sinner.


To each their own until it affects what we think should be ours,
a cloud of doubt that hangs low enough beneath the storms final hours.

Sleeping sickness surrenders all that’s good and leaving nothing to begin,
I’m in too deep, gone too far, the end is too close for me to start again.


Words caressed, increasing the impression of what’s printed on my heart,
A level of compassion only exists in the form of scandalous figures and charts.

My life’s purpose seems to accommodate comedy,
sips here and gallons there, picking its poison to make itself somebody.


There are days that happen where I’d love to live in my blankets,
and others still where I can’t believe the opportunities I’ve missed.


Feed me knowledge, carefully place me there at the learning edge,
Little victories demonstrating anguish against such large defeats,
back against the wall, I do all that I can to honor my pledge,
a humbled and broken vestige of former self I’d rather not meet.


Concrete plans laid bare, gardens growing, hiding something that was never there,
this life has a tendency to always be unfair.

I've been told that dead men don't tell tales,
but even worse are those that live and scream out truth through their wails.

A bleeding heart stored on the cusp of each evenings glow,
I clap my hands at this life's end, such a terrible show.

There's pressure planted at the base of each king's throne,
a different taste, desire and let down for something more homegrown.

A rupture in space through the waves of one heart mimic,
harder and harder to face life's twists and turns by setting unreal limits.

I picture time leaned back, relaxing; testing its own struggle,
a few more breaths, here and there, is what I'm trying to smuggle.

The end of days has a commonality with that of a dial tone,
both calling out, trying to be heard, but ultimately dying alone.

Evicted emotions are the envy and the end-all of the wax and wane,
forgive and forget so that in the near future you can fall prey the same.

Disregard feelings like a dusty souvenir sitting on a high shelf pawn shop,
push on, take names, and whatever you do, never retreat or stop.

Regurgitated fears as I choke back free flowing tears,
taking another crack at your misguided attack has set me back fifteen years.

Using your wit, a bit, you must admit has helped you climb the ladder,
but wholesome, and truthfulness, no, that's an entirely different matter.

Solitude, in itself, is just another form of loneliness,
sometimes a faint smile is equal to forgiveness, I will confess.

A hundred wrong decisions, life shattered and splintered,
Cover me deeply, this coffin,  protecting me from the winter.

You can’t come here - you belong buried where heartaches seeks,
Hammer holds, reaching, bidding, pulling back life nails as they shriek.

Silence. Absolutely brutal, savage silence.
Darkness. Terrifyingly cruel, misquoted guidance.

There’s time for me yet, even as I bow at the last curtain call,
at the end of this life, no regrets, no mistakes, “I lived” as a reply all.

Minor memories stir up old trouble behind closed eyelids,
a silly mistake here, a proper reply there, it’s just what we did.

Shut out, bow down, a troubled childhood led to substantial grief,
Hold on, power through, persevere it’ll be brief.

Death held my hand which is such a sad way to live,
His bony fragmented clasp, helped me learn to forgive.

I’ve practiced what you preached, always hoping it was correct,
In the end, I was wrong, because it’s my life that you wrecked.

I step back and hand you the reins, to this, my sinking ship,

only truth knows lies, as it passes through you, your lips.

I struck a chord, or a nerve, it helps me value my worth,

desperate eyes have been searching for someone like you, since birth.

An idea that is formed in the minds of man,

You and I together - Fate had another plan.

I smile as sadness invades my pores,

Our mystery and intrigue, your beauty the stuff of Lore.

For comfort, I whisper your name at night,

It gets me through the darkness until that morning light.

My eyes renewed, a new day has begun,

you, before me, until the setting of the sun.

I reach for your hand, to secure it in place,

the life of past loves, gone without a trace.

A wall made of words, my past: my mortar,

the time that we have only gets shorter.

The days fly by, just gone in a flash,

tomorrow becomes yesterday, our forever past.

Late nights spent together, asleep in each other's arms,

all that I ask for, as you resist my charms.

Cautious you crept, and slowly you caved,

unsure still, based on past loves that you gave.

Greedy mind of mine, glued to your side,

instead I chose clever words, for my feelings to hide.

There's a smile buried somewhere, there, in your heart,
let's retrace our steps, rewind, back to the start.

Forever forgiving you were to me, I, persisting,
together at last now, more than simply....existing.

Thoughts turned to words based on what we believe,
the length of time: forever, is what I perceive.

Trusted ties to reveal bolder men's lies,
with you, walls collapse and heartache dies.

An island, you seem, set all alone,
me, your rock, your safety and pillar of stone.

A finger brushes lightly against your face,
your smile reminds me that I'm in the right place.

An ocean of wonder reflecting the brightest stars,
a lifetime of forgiveness, healing our deepest scars.

I searched in myself to help try and find the "me",
how do I prepare myself when it's you that I see?

They say out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks,
that must be why "I love you" is what your ears seek.

Like a shadow in the night, you stole my heart from my chest,
like the fists of a fight, you fought and confessed.

You're the arrow, the fear, the calm before the storm,
you're beautiful, magnificent and love in its truest form.

You're the anger, the strong, the hope that I need,
as each beat of my heart, your name, it bleeds.