A box of delicate memories placed at the foot of a rotting bed,
a loving stampede of iron-wrought guilt pounding through my head.

Warnings ignored and systems shocked with awe,
placing careless wagers as teeth clamp down and devour what you saw.

Piercing light that opens the eyes of the blind,
shuttered in, posture slowly never knowing what you’ll find.

Fallen prayers smashing against aging rosaries,
escape to the end, trapped inside with such un-pleasantries.

Thoughts and prayers are offered like a flooding martyr,
“save yourself, while risking nothing,” the words of a choppy waters charter.

We’ve pieced together this creature that we’ll call “beautiful”,
compliments and praise raised them up and come in plentiful.

These words of distrust tear apart the foundation brick by brick,
bleeding out a loving life force that leads one to seem anemic.

You shouted out a curse, meaningless and precise,
the end seems so near, joyful still in a fool’s paradise.

There’s only me in a sea of envious jealously,
there’s nothing there at the end of forever, accepted so readily.

Monsters behaving badly, we as humans, are just that, sadly,
close our eyes, the quiet sleep, as we finally reach our bleak finale.

I step back and hand you the reins, to this, my sinking ship,

only truth knows lies, as it passes through you, your lips.

I struck a chord, or a nerve, it helps me value my worth,

desperate eyes have been searching for someone like you, since birth.

An idea that is formed in the minds of man,

You and I together - Fate had another plan.

I smile as sadness invades my pores,

Our mystery and intrigue, your beauty the stuff of Lore.

For comfort, I whisper your name at night,

It gets me through the darkness until that morning light.

My eyes renewed, a new day has begun,

you, before me, until the setting of the sun.

I reach for your hand, to secure it in place,

the life of past loves, gone without a trace.

A wall made of words, my past: my mortar,

the time that we have only gets shorter.

The days fly by, just gone in a flash,

tomorrow becomes yesterday, our forever past.

Late nights spent together, asleep in each other's arms,

all that I ask for, as you resist my charms.

Cautious you crept, and slowly you caved,

unsure still, based on past loves that you gave.

Greedy mind of mine, glued to your side,

instead I chose clever words, for my feelings to hide.

I have a death grip on this razor blade against my wrist,

praying to whatever god will listen that I slip, wishing I had a nervous tick.

Then I’d have someone or something else to blame it on so it wouldn’t be my fault.

We’re the salt of the earth?

Being drug behind a stalled out hearse?

A family in disbelief, “There’s no way they’d do this! It must be a mistake!”

Tell me that as I sink deeper into sorrow and produce this smile - so fake.

There’s a lot to learn, an image ingrained which we’ve been told is to help us succeed.

I’m only halfway home and I’ve already halfway loaded the gun,

only a pound of pressure is what’s needed for us to proceed.

Numbers exist to call as a stranger pretends to care,

their eight hour shift almost over so they can delete the buzzing in the air.

I’ve never really wanted toast in the tub until I saw what it could do,

I picture myself, my life, my beginning and my end,
and all I can think about - is you.

You are my beacon, my comfort, the reason I breath,

A piece of fate that’s fallen out of it’s trajectory and landed you with me.

I love you. I love you. I love you. Again, again and again.

But now it’s time to sleep, and hope that the darkness isn’t there or selfish enough for me to keep.

There’s a level of love buried behind your kind eyes,
a misplaced terrible truth, upended before the lies.

Your touch, a soft warm glow just beyond the tree line,
uncomfortable calm like one plate short at the table where we dine.

A prophet preaching puzzle pieces, forcing unfamiliar edges to fight,
hold my hand, test my heart and know that moments with you are my respite.

My guardian, perched sentry, posted overlord, you - a tale that’s better with age,
a life unkempt, and eyes that haven’t wept, a calm soul that’s never seen rage.

Be a shadow, steal my footfalls, lend a hand when ears bleed red,
forever words, like guided missiles, mean more based on who, or what, was said.

A lack of empty trust, replaced with expert dignity and never-extinguished lust,
our lives intertwined, forsaken, with a gridlock that one can hope will not rust.

You’ve roots placed in the deepest, darkest places of me,
if i’m the “apple of your eye” then you, my dear, would be the tree.

Patience tested, revealed only by the  need for now,
the need to breathe, restored, a resurgence of cascading favors were allowed.

My well being, your welfare, never more than a stones throw from home,
sitting across from a mirror image of happiness, leaving lifeless words in our hearts catacombs.

A charge ruled out, an unwillingness to change,
like us, love them, get through this life turning page by page.

There’s a reason that they don’t intertwine,
head and heart, forever war, combustion and collide.

Stalemate, ever deserving,  declares a winner,
decided by the apathy from the hands of a sinner.

To each their own until it affects what we think should be ours,
a cloud of doubt that hangs low enough beneath the storms final hours.

Sleeping sickness surrenders all that’s good and leaving nothing to begin,
I’m in too deep, gone too far, the end is too close for me to start again.

Words caressed, increasing the impression of what’s printed on my heart,
A level of compassion only exists in the form of scandalous figures and charts.

My life’s purpose seems to accommodate comedy,
sips here and gallons there, picking its poison to make itself somebody.

There are days that happen where I’d love to live in my blankets,
and others still where I can’t believe the opportunities I’ve missed.

Feed me knowledge, carefully place me there at the learning edge,
Little victories demonstrating anguish against such large defeats,
back against the wall, I do all that I can to honor my pledge,
a humbled and broken vestige of former self I’d rather not meet.

Concrete plans laid bare, gardens growing, hiding something that was never there,
this life has a tendency to always be unfair.

I loved you yesterday- I just didn’t know it then.

when the wind whistled and brushed the branches against the shed,

that was when I put the image of you and I in my head.

I loved you today, and I didn’t realize it then,

As new snow fell, it reminded me that no two flakes are alike,

and our similarities are ghost like, existing between worlds.

I loved you tomorrow, and I’m realizing it even now,

I swore at the ******* morning birds singing their song,

and it reminded me of you in the mornings and how i’m always wrong.

I loved you since I can remember, and it’s apparent now,

from the moments that as a baby I took my first steps,

sometimes cruel and calculated, they led me to you.....somehow,

I loved you in my early years, and I never put it together,

since I could form sounds and words, it was to tell you “I love you.”

I’ll love you light years from now, when our bodies are busted and turned to dust,

I’ll hold each memory of us failing and succeeding together and all of our trust.

I love you in the here and now, with each mistake being almost enough for me to break,

it’s us, it’s you, it’s everything that falls in between yesterday, today, and tomorrow that I can take.

I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I will love you tomorrow.

There’s a reason that they don’t intertwine,
head and heart, forever war, combustion and collide.

Stalemate, ever deserving,  declares a winner,
decided by the apathy from the hands of a sinner.


To each their own until it affects what we think should be ours,
a cloud of doubt that hangs low enough beneath the storms final hours.

Sleeping sickness surrenders all that’s good and leaving nothing to begin,
I’m in too deep, gone too far, the end is too close for me to start again.


Words caressed, increasing the impression of what’s printed on my heart,
A level of compassion only exists in the form of scandalous figures and charts.

My life’s purpose seems to accommodate comedy,
sips here and gallons there, picking its poison to make itself somebody.


There are days that happen where I’d love to live in my blankets,
and others still where I can’t believe the opportunities I’ve missed.


Feed me knowledge, carefully place me there at the learning edge,
Little victories demonstrating anguish against such large defeats,
back against the wall, I do all that I can to honor my pledge,
a humbled and broken vestige of former self I’d rather not meet.


Concrete plans laid bare, gardens growing, hiding something that was never there,
this life has a tendency to always be unfair.

We stand there listening to our hearts increased pounding,

screams are no longer heard, they’ve left us to our drowning.

Your words encourage, lift up, and wash away all ire,

A mode of respect, a taste of morale victory that will always inspire.

Every future idea, a moment of consistent need,

all of your energy, attention, and efforts fuel my greed.

A hidden meaning presented in perfect plain sight,

a loose embrace, or hand held tight gets me through each night.

A way with words, and each syllable increased meaning,

the curve of these lips lift up a soul that’s comfortably beaming.

There’s a knock on Death’s door as you perform compression's,

A stable stream of stagnant lies that helped cover me in depression,

some half-truths, and even more half-measures,

have led me to reduce my self worth and avoid most pleasures.

Then there’s you: a light-wielding saint with unmatched power,

a simple word, or look helps raise me up in my darkest hour.

You are warm and welcoming, a shelter for my deepest hurt,

a shovel fit to bury each woe and regret under a world of dirt.

I closed my eyes for the final time, or so I thought,

but god ****** me this morning, as my vision, the sun's rays caught.

We circle the days that we look forward to with invisible ink,

trigger finger, coping mechanism, drink this lead so you won't sink.

Imagine images colored all the same, pictured differently,

trying to take away the pain.

A mistake was made the day that I was claimed, revolving melodies,

that all just trade away.

Hope evolves, and then there's me not believing in evolution,

"clean up your life," but I'm just that forever pollution.

Life lives and death dies,

another day goes by and my existence is surprised.

Tempt with discovery, a new needle-tongued lie,

close my eyes, embrace the darkness, because tomorrow we will "survive."

Cling to the good, the best, maybe my childhood?

You'd think there'd be something there, a joy, a love, I wish I could.

Broad brush painting black thin lines,

Second-Hand clock retreating, trying its hardest to turn back time.

It's stuck, my luck, right here in the un-divine,

a holy disaster unfolds as this ball of yarn unwinds.

Comfortable in my confusion, cracked inside, depleted confusion,
defense of the heart, standing ground, shaking like two hearts' fusion.

Peel back, layered doubt, insisting on eternity,
Feelings lack existence, doubt buried here, uncertainty.


A fever, no a glow; Contagious? Severe? Let's go slow.

Fingers pace, twitching, life force leaving as I try to trace your face,

This isn't the place, bloodstained wonder, journal falling from an unsteady bookcase.

I read and bleed as you write about my wrongs,
A subtle stab in the not-so-dark as I try to right my wrongs.

I pretend to be happy, but each smile drops my days by one,
Begging for a shiny new thing, trade in for one that's more fun.

There's a case, a cause for a ringing alarm,
Everyone is safe - save for me, there's harm.

There's the way you make me feel,
and that's the other side of how I heal.

Snake-tongued intent, kindness it seems, forfeit.
If there's nothing left there, I can't force it.

A pool of melted memories flows down to the ground,
we enter this earth so loud, yet leave without a sound.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have ears to hear, dear,
eyes that'd be lost in a sea of salt water, effects unfounded, I fear.
I tried to multiply the designation of landed blows,
and where and when the next one happens, I'll never know.

A cushion of comfort, radius rewinding,
a stinging snakebite, un-healing, somehow reminding.
A breath, deep, swallowing rationality,
a misguided answer, pointing towards practicality.

Keep me bound, claws fixed in a fury,
bury me deep, cover these wounds in a hurry.
Pick up pieces of me leaving, chase me down as I'm retrieving,
draw a hundred different pictures, one broad brush I'm heaving.

Hands white, outlined in chalk,
Heart dark, filled in with hate-fueled talk.
Picture-perfect, broken camera, eyes red,
hate me now and love me yesterday after I'm dead.

Healing process exists, but I maybe missed the bus.
A broken cough, signs I'm sick, blink of an eye on the cusp.

How do I appease the pieces of me that accept defeat,
a covered smile, buried deep, thrilled about the secrets I keep.
"Tag, you're it," screams signs of relief,
trailing away, fading light, another answer that leads to grief.
I plaster missing persons posters in my mind,
praying to an invisible something that it's me that it'll help find.
I'm hurting and I don't know why,
This well runs deep, but it's not filled with tears to cry.
There are memories of memories that pull down into descent,
I can't "rise up" when my thoughts have me buried in cement.
Take a deep breath, inhale, there's a remedy at the door,
like a thousand lives before, my will is chained to the floor.
I reach for you, Comfort, a name carved into this grave,
you didn't sign up for this - a lost cause troubled, for you to save.
On one hand, four digits, my blessings combined,
I can't seem to open up, because I'm scared of what we'd find.
Let me go, sink, become one with the mud,
wash away my sins, cleanse my soul, swept away in the flood.