i can't remember anymore,
my mind doesn't want to bother.

it's all a waste of time,
waste of space
waste of air.

my mind is trying to run off.

help my eyes close,
seal them shut.

my vice has got me by the throat,
there's so many i've lost count.

hidden agendas between my selves.
the ones that i would never tell.

there's no need for help,
it was never meant to end well.

dreams with unavoidable deaths

when all i can do is wait for the moment i wake up,

hoping i don’t feel the feeling of being mutilated to bits.

children eating the rotting corpses of good for nothing adults,

good for nothing in this post apocalyptic world.

climbing the highest towers,

searching for signs, maybe we’ll be the lucky ones left alive.

but no sorrow, we can’t unsee the unavoidable fate.

viruses, man made ruins, things we alter within ourselves.

humanity has died off.

nothing left.

no time left to spend.

unless you’re crouching, hiding for dear life.

but what’s life when you know it’s all gone?

nothing left to hold on to.

no one left to talk to.

just waiting for the moment you get noticed,

dragged, soon to be corpse.

telling myself, it will only be a second more.

reminded, ‘somewhere else i am already gone.

this is just another dream i will soon wake up from.’

continuing into another dimension.

this breath is just another temporary momentum.

half dead, half alive. i don’t even know what’s left inside anymore..

sick of being told i look nice, everything comes with a price.

no trust, no one wants to get to know you deep inside.

temporary strangers and flakes that i will never look at.

no one wants to find the real me, only the smile that hides the hatred inside.

no love for those who run away, no love for people like me who hide.

happier alone, i don’t need this from anyone.

too many strangers makes me want to cut, makes me want to slit them up

and eventually i’ll end up in court.

no means no is apparently not an answer a girl with a pretty face can give.

but no is the ******* answer you’re going to learn to take.

smash your **** up and stuff it down your throat.

you’re going to learn what it means when a ***** says NO!!!

4 months to get over it.

but today the strings are gone.

we can never talk or be friends.

act like nothing was and nothing will be.

i will always care for you, you meant so much.

but it finally died off.

so just let it rot off.

let it stay shut and don’t open pandora’s box again.

i have returned.

hopeless romantic in love with no one but the universe, death, and herself.

back to me without you.

back to what always was in front of my eyes.

back to where i love to hide on my own.

just another story to tell, another soul i have stolen and left.

another stranger in the sea. another one that was never meant for me.

my brainnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

i want to smush you

i want a whole carton of cigarettes to myself.

i want an 1/8th to get incredibly high,

i want a bottle of whiskey with a side of sleeping pills.

i just want to know i have it.

i want to know i can die forgetting what i can’t forget.

i want to go away.

i want to fade away.

away away away..

alone alone alone.

nothing nothing nothing

is going to change….

not digging this nausea. let’s just get to the high part.
loose my body. it does not even exist.
all in my mind, it’s only a matter of time.
til these moments come to pass.
left my mind drift away, let it float on to space.
continuum into another dimension, another one where i am nothing at all.
voidless disaster, turning light into darkness.
continuing the circle, letting you find your clues.
it all ties together.
i am here and nowhere.
here and nothing.
everything and madness.
*****… pure stench of melted memories that aren’t real anymore.

centuries have waited for you,

centuries to tell you one thing.

times i've have the chance to say I love you

and to tell you how much you mean to me.

a beautiful addition to the world is what you are,

a beautiful puzzle piece within the universe to find.

I can send you a signal,
help you knock down the walls one step at a time.

A single place to rest your head,
many ways to soothe the aches away.

Star-crossed lovers always find a way to meet again.

Hidden pasts we can't remember,
Hidden treasures we find within ourselves.

I can't remember the last time I told you I loved you,
But soon enough you will know very well.

"No one is worthy of my love"
These random "out of nowhere" statements, that make me fall apart.

You speak to me and my eyes can't drift away,
The long gaze that calls for an embrace.

Soul wanderer, do you want me?
Soul wanderer, why can this never be?

Watch my eyes drown away,
Follow them until there is nothing left.

My heart rate gets slower,
My tone dulls out.

Hear me sigh as I look at you while I crawl,
and you don't hesitate to remind me of our wall.

I don't know what to do about it now,
& I don't know why this grows..

All that is left now,
is to watch it overflow.

how the lady fell in love with the *****, i don't know

how she got over him, i don't know

how she started getting depressed and suicidal again, i don't know

how she ran into him after he tried to **** himself, i don't know

how she got stuck in a warp for him, i don't know

how he can keep on talking to her about his love for someone else, i don't know

how he can remind her they are nothing more and will never be, i don't know

how he can bring his romance for someone else, into her dreams, her only escape from this place, i don't know

how he doesn't understand he is this lady's ghost, i don't know

how he can ask her if she knows how it feels to be  used and she thinks of the guy right next to her while he thinks about someone further away, i don't know

how he can use this lady again, i don't know

how this lady lets herself get used i don't know

how she hasn't killed him yet i don't know

it's been about four days, and we haven't been apart,

talking and talking, about how all things come apart.

i'm going to hurt you, if it's the last thing i do,

it's going to **** me, the way you killed you.

Don't know what I'm searching for anymore,
That seems so important to go on..

What Is life without purpose?
Just another rotting sac.

But I've found my Self,
Found my Soul, Left my body and Found some Bliss.

But here I sit,
No passion, No good emotion, No feeling for anything else.

Why did I get lost?
At what point did my heart get lost?

Why is my soul so empty?
There is so much more than this..

A collection of souls on this strange flying Planet,
A collection of lost souls all seeking for the same feeling, I'm sure.

Empathy, Compassion, Love, and  Understanding;
This is what we need to rid the Evil Greed of Power toxifying us all.

My emotionless will create a wall,
Socializing is obsolete and I don't want to tolerate anything.

My passion is gone.
I feel empty wherever I go.

Who I sit with will feel the same emptiness,
I probably drown them as well.

I don't like to be like this,
I don't like it at all.

There's so much more I can come up with,
But it feels like I'm stuck to the ground.

My soul feels black and empty
encompassing dread, yet nothingness for all.

If I understand,
then why can't my head get out from this underground?

My heart feels stuffed with negativity,
A curse, chemical imbalance, or just another spoiled ugly brat?

Fighting silently for my well being and no one cares,
Yell out of rage, and suddenly everyone seems to notice.

I'm forever an ugly beast, so much for thinking I found change...

seek all and seek nothing,

either way we are all destined to physically fall.

and eloquent way of speaking brings spectators,

the lovely audience to judge one and judge all.

stuck up aristocrats and fed up hoodlums,

the world is so strange, and the many ways we all know we failed.

but nothing is failure if it's not over,

nothing is over until you make it be.

learn to love yourself,

learn the way to love your most inner cells.

there's still time,

this isn't our entrapment forever.

many times we will live,

but this time is just as important as well.

live, love, let go, practice peace of mind,

then seek in others what you know you can find.

how did i get from here to there?

i found my space away from your torment in my soul,
found a way to gain myself once more.

then suddenly, you appear.
suddenly you follow.

the grace of the stars gave me the will to walk away,
gave me the strength to look away.

but fate would bring us together again,
somehow i'd run into you on that fateful day.

angry and misled, still i see you, wishing you were dead.
so many pills, like i once had, like you once had.

the trigger awoke my lost love for you,
that sad trigger that now has me stuck.

why do you draw me in? why do the stars bring me to you and drown me when i was once doing so well? how do i get to where i once was? to where i was finally away?

i took care of you, i couldn't leave you alone that night.
i could have easily walked away, but i know what it's like to be dead.

but it wasn't for me, nothing was ever for me.

now that you think we're friends because i always hope you're okay,
i hope you understands things can't keep on going this way.

my heart shatters knowing it was all for Her. hearing you talk about Her.

I missed you, i died for you, i killed myself to get over you.

but this is your life, and i can't drag you down, i just want to let you go.

but fate. somehow fate happens, and i don't know how i can stop that, but a certain one way..

leaving socialness behind, i can hear the voices stop.
leaving you behind, i can hear my heartbeat stop.

i'm used to leaving it all behind,
but you're the one thing always stuck on my mind.

an intense sense of paranoia and anxiety runs through my veins,
the same kind that made you want to run away.

but i cannot leave myself,
i cannot do what you so easily did.

i still seek and follow you,
i hunger for you.

but the truth is always here,
i'm a torn up monster not even i would want to love.