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Maddii Lloyd Sep 2016
How can you say those things to me
how can you think of me like that
how can you feel like that about me

when you dont know me
dont know my secrets and flaws
my deepest and darkest hate
not only on my self but the
way i keep living

how can you be in love with someone
like me
who cuts
starves
binges
who is
ugly
hated
worthless

but i guess if i cant love myself
i may aswell let you love me
Maddii Lloyd Sep 2016
Dear God, i know
ive never asked for help before..
but this time
this time i need it!

im Scared
and Worried
i dont think i can
hold on much longer.

Dear God!
im sorry.
  Sep 2016 Maddii Lloyd
Viseract
Something that I try to fight
You fight it too, in dark or light
Together we can win, across the distance and time
My Nightmare that fights me, sometimes he makes me blind

Do not fall to the voices in your mind
That make you cut, leave a ****** sign
Time heals but leaves a scar
When it's over, do not forget your past

Rant, rave, spit or talk
You and I, we walk the walk
The path we dread is a path we share
The demons in the dark, the knife, the snare

Watch my step and I'll watch yours
Together we can unlock closed doors
Find a reason not to, rather than one to do so
It's working for me, why not you, y'know?

I hope you read this, but do not ignore
For me to write this was quite the chore
To have such pained effort fall when it's so near
Would be a reason to cut, ear to ear

I think you're beautiful, regardless of what you believe
For our eyes and mind can trick and deceive
When nobody trusts, compliments or gives hope,
Know that I do, though my responses are slow

Sleep well, my <3
At least, try to rest
Restlessness is eagerness
But eventually, is Death

And I do not wish to lose someone like you

An Insomniac and Pyromaniac message each other... one's mind does burn, the other wishes to burn everything in mind...
<3 you, Maddii
Maddii Lloyd Sep 2016
i had a dream last night,
i had a dream on how easy it would be if
i grabbed a blade and just
dragged it across my wrist
pushed the blade deep into my
wrist and dragged it down vertically
not horizontally this time
and watch
watch as the blood starts to flow
flow freely
down my arm until
it drips onto the floor
leaving a crimson red pool
on my bedroom
floor
starting to feel faint
drifting in and out of consciousness
finally i realize what ive done
and the relief for fills my
body, i finally take my
last breath and leave.
Maddii Lloyd Sep 2016
will you believe me when i say im not pretty?
I say im not pretty because i mean it
im not saying it because im looking
for attention im looking for anything but that
im saying it because thats how i truly feel
i dont belive that i am pretty because
i can see everything that you dont
i know how my stomach looks when im standing
in the mirror in my bra
i see my face the one not hidden under all the
makeup, i see every little flaw there is
on my body, i see every flaw hidden in myself
even if you cant see thrm yourself.
therefore i say im not pretty because
id be lying if i said i was
Maddii Lloyd Sep 2016
you want to know something?
the difference between you and *****?
***** burns my throat
but your name hurts my head
so i rather have a blackout and a
hangover
then staring at the walls
touching my lips and trying to
forget what it was like to
kiss you.
Maddii Lloyd Sep 2016
I hate my body.
i hate my life.
i hate myself.
Ive got blades, now what?
What do you mean now what?
what are you going to do?
mutilate yourself.. again?
why?
why do you keep doing this to yourself?
Now listen ok?
and keep reading
thats all i ask
you, you as an individual
you are beautiful, handsome
yes you may not see it
but many other people do trust me
i know i may not know you
not personally
but i may know you well enough to know
how much of an amazing
caring person you are
you have your little quirks
your little jokes that not many
other people will understand
you have your close group of
friends who will do anything
to see you smile
you have your family members
that im sure adore you
you have made it this far
in the journey we call
life, yes it may be hard at
times but thats the point you dont
become who you are without a
few ups and downs along the way
like i said at the start
i may not personally know
you, i may not have even spoken to you
but trust me
you are beautiful, handsome
loved by many including me.
so please i beg you
please just put the blade down
better yet throw the blade
away. i dont want you to be going
through unnecessary pain
I LOVE YOU
just remember that. thank you
for reading this all the way though
i just hope it will help someone
Please repost to get the message out there
im only a message or an email away.
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