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Maddii Lloyd Aug 2016
when will the day come.
the one where you dont
go home
and look in the mirror and cry
when you dont
think your fat
ugly
worthless
hated by all
and tell yourself you
want to die?
when will that day come because
ive waited for too long
and it seems like its
a dream thats never
going to come true.
Maddii Lloyd Aug 2016
Define Beautiful?
Maddii Lloyd Aug 2016
The thought
the thought of you dragging
a blade across your
wrist
it kills me.
The thought
the thought of you
taking your last breath
tears me apart.

you are too young and
beautiful to leave this world
you are too loved
to even think to leave

you remind me of the song
by lana del ray
the one that goes..
"will you still love me when
im no longer young and beautiful?"
yes yes i will

you tell me i am your big sister and
you look up to me
and not to cry because i am
too beauttiful,
now its my turn.

you are beautiful
you are loved. so please
wipe the tear off you
cheek, put the blade
down and come here
i love you
just remember the promises
we made eachother
that one day
we will be able to hold eachother
in our arms and
i can tell you how much
i love you.

because words dont
describe it enough, words cant
express the feelings
going through my body
i love you. x
Maddii Lloyd Aug 2016
Im sorry.
i couldnt keep another promise.
i can never seem to keep this one.

"i promise i wont cut"
"i promise i wont inflict pain on myself"

But i did it again
this time it was bad.
it was deep and didnt stop
bleeding
the blood kept pouring out
and i felt dizzy
the warm water running over
my back and the
blood getting caught
in the water making a pattern run down
my arm.

Im Sorry "i promise i wont do
it again"
Maddii Lloyd Aug 2016
if you love me prove it.
dont ask me how,
ill leave that up to you.
dance
sing
write
i dont know.

oh right i forgot im not her
you dont love me
you never have
you never will
and i guess ill have to be ok
with that.
so dont bother
singing
or dancing
or writing

i wont hold my breath because
i know the day
the day ive dreamed of for
so so long will
never come.
Maddii Lloyd Aug 2016
isn't it ******?
that Society has a specific image
for women?
the way they look
act
speak
walk
talk.

if we arent blonde hair
blue eyes with a small waist
***** and a ***
we arent socially acceptable.
if we have a little weight
to many piercings and tattoos
regrowth and scars
we are shun upon.

most girls these days have the small
figure and wear barley any
clothes,
their hip bones their collar bones
showing without any struggle
and they think they
look beautiful
they think they will fit in
because thats what society wants

there are girls starving themselves
wearing makeup
to hide the imperfections
society deemed ugly
wearing long sleeves in
summer hiding the scars they
have inflicted on themselves
because they know,
they know they will never be
what society wanted
and it kills them every time they look
down at their wrists or
thighs
knowing they will never be accepted into
society

i just want to go back to
where size 12 was deemed
as beautiful
and scars were a sign
of battling ones self and recovery
where it didn't matter
if you had acne and wore makeup
everyone was beautiful in their own way
i just want to go back in time
where happiness was a feeling
that happened naturally
and wasn't plastered on

society is ******.
Maddii Lloyd Aug 2016
you.
you are two faced
you.
you are a *****
you.
you need to learn to keep quiet
you.
you are stubborn
you.
you are fat
you.
you are annoying
you.
you are ugly
you.
you will never be enough

Me.
I know...
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