You broke my heart,
By thinking you could fix it,
But guess what,
You never could and never can,
So instead I fixed the holes,
In your bleeding heart,
With the pieces from my shattered one,
It didn't fit perfectly, of course,
But it helped stop the bleeding,
The only problem was,
The fixes were supposed to be temporary,
I need the pieces back,
You may not keep them,
Or I will bleed to death.

It’s hard to describe really
I tell everyone I’ve ever told before I try

It’s like going through each day with a hand reached in and squeezed over my heart
Each beat matched by the movement of my feet
So I walk and walk, the knowledge pumping through me
Of questions unanswerable and life among the stars
And my own ever shorter span of time

And I can’t help but wonder if maybe
HUMANS WEREN’T MEANT FOR THIS
Weren’t meant to stare up at the sky

Everyone I’ve ever told takes it into stride
In the moment, they squirm by my side
But soon they turn back to their daily concerns
Because that’s human

To protect and preserve sanity, that is human
To contemplate the complex every minute of every day
That would’ve gotten a human killed in times close before
It’s evolution plain and simple

So when the tears take over my eyes and my throat begins to close
And the pulse of my heart sounds in a shattered and hollow cave
I remind myself that it’s just because
I WASN’T MEANT FOR THIS

It’s less scary if there’s a reason why
I cannot escape or hide
I walk and walk another day.

They teach, they preach that we shouldn’t act as if we’re
Special
But whisper to all, you and you alone are the one!

My special, precious baby, they whisper

And then we grow up and find that we’re not the best
At math, no scholarship-worthy sports star,
Not shining quite as bright as the whispers once promised

You’re not really that smart, they say out loud
Want some advice?  Keep your head down
Welcome to the adult world- get used to being normal now

Now may I raise my hand and address the jury for the defense?

I might not fit in your genius IQ box-
I wouldn’t know, too scared to test that out
But I’m fairly sure I’m not normal

The room becomes a vacuum
They all turn and glare
All their different stories and they still hate the same

Conceited, they spit the charge at me

No, no please! I beg
You misconstrue my motive

I see things different, connections just make sense
I can reach inside people’s souls and know what they need
I don’t have to work for it
Every second of the day this is the way I see

Insufferable conceit! they shout, they cut me off
Put her in isolation

No, no! I sob to myself, all alone in a concrete cell
I just wanted help

It’s not normal
To walk through life knowing your own mortality
For a teenager to know her dying wish is just to have someone
read every word she ever wrote because
that’s the closest anyone can ever get to understanding

It’s not normal
To be so aware of yourself that you control every emotion
For a teenager to know her life purpose is just to raise others up
because she’s so small within this universe
that’s the only way she’ll have an affect at all

It’s a bittersweet gift, a beautiful curse

I just wanted help
To learn to use it well
To know I’m not the alone
To know I won’t go so deep in thought
That I won’t be able to get out

Let me out of this cell! I yell

The jury turns their backs
I put my head down in defeat

This is my sentence.
The girl who sees can never be how anyone else sees me.

How can I breathe without any lungs,
How can I sing without a voice,
How can I walk with broken legs,
How can I see with blinded eyes,
How can I scream without any sound,
How can I write without any words,
How can I live without any life,
How can I love with these shattered pieces?

Because that's what it's like, loving you.