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Luis Valencia Apr 2018
Each day I carry things that I wish I could drop.
Each day the burden of the things that I carry crush me into submission.
I feel alone and lost each day; it’s like I’m gasping for air and holding onto a fragment of hope.
Each day I carry something new and it piles on until it will ultimately lead to my demise.
The burden of solitude, guilt, a necklace, a fragment of hope.
Each item or emotion that I carry holds a piece of me.
I can’t dare part with these things it would tear my very existence apart.

My mother once said that each day I walk into the world, someone would try to hurt me.
It was a cold night and my mother was at the kitchen table holding something. My birthday was fast approaching, and somehow I knew that whatever was in my mother's curled fist was my gift.
She whispered my name, and I walked in, anxious and excited.
Her hands were soft in the kitchen light.
She looked tired and worried.
I walked to her and held her hands.
They were small in size and frail to touch.
A swift rain was tapping on the windows, begging to be let in.
In a delicate movement, she dropped a sea of silver into my hands.
When my eyes finally fixed on the object, it was a necklace that had a treble clef on it.
I felt the cool silver in my hand and looked up at her.
She held my gaze with her eyes and whispered to me.
She told me that as long as I had that necklace, I would never be alone.
I carry it with me but never wear it in fear of it getting damaged.

When walking down a street alone, a person hears things that they never thought they would.
I hear life blooming and blossoming with emotions of love and happiness.
But each day I carry something different.
My emotions are dark, and I am unable to change them.
They are a black hole ******* in any ounce of happiness that I have.
I carry the weight of not fitting in anywhere; I carry the blood of the cuts that harsh reality has laid upon my body.
The world has slammed me to the ground, and I carry the bruises that life has placed on my heart.
Each time I try to get up, the burden of all the things that I carry becomes crushing.
I feel useless and alone; I doubt that the things I carry will ever go away.
I just have to hope and pray.
The only way to forget the emotional trauma that I’ve been through is to let everything go,
but I'm not strong enough to say goodbye,
nor am I strong enough to keep holding on.    

There are moments in life that stay with us even when things seem rough.
I remember when I was younger, and the world seemed like a huge place. Everything just felt smaller at grandma’s house.
I would go over there everyday and help her clean her house and arrange cans of food by their expiration date.
We would laugh and sing together, she would hold me close to her chest, and I would hear her heartbeat in her chest.
The sound of life pulsed through her, until it didn’t.
My grandmas funeral was on a very hot summer day, but I had never felt colder.  The vision of seeing her casket being lowered into the ground made my heart twist in my chest.
I was alone in that moment, and it will always stick with me.
The memories of life and death remind me of how little time we really have on this earth.
Now I live each day as if it was my last.
I carry the memory of time that pressures me to be more and do more before my time runs out.
When I look at all the things that I carry I realize that being human is one of the hardest things to do.
We have to carry the burdens of life, things to keep us from going down, and the hopes and dreams to do better.
The things I carry each day are a reminder of how the world has shaped my personality.
I would never be able to part with the things I carry because, ultimately they are the things that make me myself.
I felt lost and alone yet I realized we all are lost and alone
Luis Valencia Feb 2018
its hard to feel something for you
when I know we aren't compatible
you keep to yourself
I am constantly breaking out of my shell
you like the stillness of a calm night
I like the wild lights the city shines on my skin
I want you to love the things I love

I can't change you
and
I won't change myself for you

Then you hold my hand
and the world melts away
the stinging pain of longing cuts my throat
It drys out my tounge
I love you
you love me

but we can't be together
Love is not love with you
Luis Valencia Jan 2018
lost
why do I feel so lost

noone has found me
and I can't find myself

I hope and pray that somone will love me
I am running out of time

my life is a flame being snuffed out by a winter wind
I am hopeless when it comes to affection

the tides turn while the ocean churns away my hope
the air hits my face like a monsoon of hatred

life has tossed me into a dark cavern
the thought of light piercing through is unjust

the thought of my soul intertwining with someone elses
is unjust

I have come to the conclusion that life and love
are beautiful songs made for two people

All hearts are meant to sing duets
mine sings a solo
Life and Love are things That I have truly never Understood
Luis Valencia Jan 2018
My name is chaos in his mouth
His voice was a storm - Tempest
A fierce zephyr
He is fragrant
Hibiscus Hyacinth Jasmine Gardenia  
spreading over me like a fog
A quiet mist
That sings a beautiful song
He is everything
The molecules in everything
Yet he can make me feel like nothing
he
watched me
     From
afar
Luis Valencia Jan 2018
Love is ******
One day the love of your life
Is going to walk right in and
******* up.
They will leave you with
An empty heart and a
Darkened soul.
They will twist every limb in your body
Until you can’t take it any more.
They will break every bone
That they mended with
Their false promises.
Then they will rot
Your body with all the goodbyes
They used against you.
Like less of a person.
But you stay because you love them
And you will always hurt
Because you love them.
Love
Luis Valencia Jan 2018
When you called me
I waited a second to answer
Anxiety shook my body to its core
In that second time shifted
That second turned into 5 seconds
Then into 30 seconds
By then the phone stopped ringing

I never knew what heartbreak was
I was naive when it came to love
But somehow my perspective shifted
I felt my heartbreak in those 30 seconds

The phone rang again

And I watched it’s blinking red lights-
Mock the tears streaming down my face

I backed away
The phone screamed with desperation
Its screams ridiculing my heart
Laughing at the cracks forming

Missed calls
Most people don’t know the true meaning behind the name
I do
They call them that because they are missed conversations
Missed hopes, missed second chances
They are able to make someone miss you

I do not answer his calls anymore
It hurts too much to give myself false hope
When he just wants friendship
today he called me and I did not answer, he was my best friend but I wanted more. Here is a tribute to my dreams that were washed away when I hung up the phone.
Luis Valencia Dec 2017
I am crying out to you my love
I hold dozens of shredded roses in my hands
I count the stars that have fallen to hell

I hold onto the memories we share
The ones I hope you remember

Tears of glass cut my cheeks
I'm bleeding for you my love

I want to feel your warmth
I want you to hold me

Wants turn to needs
I Need You, Please Stop Shutting Me Out

You need to hold
I need you to hold me
I need you to kiss me
I need you

open up a bottle of gin my love
explore me
touch me
feel me

I need attention
I need your physical attention

Touch my skin made of ice
make me melt
then freeze me all over again

I want disaster and that's what you are my love
I want pain
I want culture
You are these things and more love
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