even in the stillness of death she looked so beautiful

i want to write my pain out,
but it won't drip through my pen
it's been stuck there for five years,
a rotting clot inside my head.

She is but a dream;
a dream that would not fade,
even long after waking up.

My heart feels like
it's about to shut down
from all the truths
that only I know

People view me
as kind
selfless
heartfelt
with empathy

Yet once they witness
my darker side
this inner demon
that is always
a few steps behind me

Once they see
the ashes and smeared blood
tainted within my mind and heart

I am once again alone
alone to pick up the pieces 
of a love that never was