Body heat against a blanket,
Covering me in hope and sadness,
I love you dearly and more than before,
But you're not here at all.

You are so bitter to me, inner torture of worry,
I ask my thoughts endless questions, questions like “What went wrong?”.
I want to spread my vibrancy of inner beauty and love,
yet I glance to see your hatred does not contribute to the above.
I feel the anger build up, being forced down my throat,
Individual's lanterns fade into the dark.
Contacts one by one disappear into the black,
isolated, I am all alone again.

I feel my anxious heart beats, beating up and down,
I scream out with excitement which ruins all around.
I mostly wish my yelling would be heard from the side,
the other side of the room filled with all my love inside.

After feeling like all is gone, I rush into the cell,
painted wallpaper surroundings, windows forced shut.
I feel the days rushing past, the weeks alongside months too,
before I know it years have gone by and I'm still thinking of you.
I treasure my memories so deep and wonderfully inside my cracked heart,
I know you may have forgotten me, but I will never move on.

Popularity of others push images to the ground,
one of those images of identification happened to be mine.
I saw you there in the crowd cheering the beating on,
you watched the punches, slaps and cuts all over my body.
That ray of light I once had seen arisen from the dark,
an arm around me another in the air projecting the word, “Stop”.
I saw your face for the first time again and the drops of rain fell down,
you looked at me with your deep blue eyes and said it's all done now.
I felt my emptiness pour in, feeling my tears fly,
from my eye ducts to your skin, your warmth dries them up.

For years now continue on more and now you are all stone,
I tried so hard to make you smile, but I realized back then...
We can not always make one another smile in the light of day,
someday we share tears of pain and suffering we bare.
Now I see the candle in the freezing empty church,
but I didn't feel scared at all when I looked up and saw you there.

I got red lipstick, dedicated to my old ways of a diva,
your there, with a cheek full of blush, darkened eyes.
It's like magic, feeling this intoxicated love, wow.

Your kisses are all over my mind, I just want them,
I want to feel your chest like, let me linger, let me touch your heart,
kiss me until I'm dead, poison me violently tonight.

I feel like I just turn this all on like streetlights,
or a blaze among this wind, rip my life into an inferno,
drinking isn't fun without a friend, I just want you here again,
I can't remember the clock tower's chimes when my mind is in awe.

Church bells ring, they must sound like needles within your heart,
for me it's something new, a fun experience and an adventure,
I want to kiss you as well, my mind is in a daze but I don't care,
it's okay if it's a mistake, I'll enjoy it, it's a part of the fun.

I just want to know the boy laying within this man,
I feel if life was different we could, find a new little secret talk,
something that could take over this world, but you won't let me turn it up.

I understand I can be wrong, my decisions are terrible,
but my taste, it's a fine watery Merlot, coated in sicking fun,
I know I can be wrong, but the fun it remains and I want you there.

Drinking isn't fun without a friend.

Annoyance radiates within my mind,
words better unsaid? Yet they feel so hard to find.
I have a hatred when I look within my reflection,
the chapped lips that my weak eyes can't take.
The drier my skin becomes, the sicker I feel,
is this lady Karma catching up to me again?

Fighting the universe isn't what I dreamed,
I leave the battleground wounded to the neck.
The time goes quick and it makes me sick,
wasting away in a shell of security.

Rush the gazes, avoid all eyes,
for the minute they look into mine,
pity will overflow within their bitter soul.

They walk on happily while I grip the wire tightly,
you are better leaving me behind this time.

Shed my skin away,
All my work has undoubtedly undone,
I knew I would ruin myself in this mess.

I've been unsure if I'd lose the one,
We all yearn for something more,
His flames shone brighter than a lighthouse.

I think it's safe to say I'm wasted water,
Left amongst charcoal leaves ripped apart,
I thought my body would remain bruised.

Instead I felt myself, burned to a crisp,
Dignity left pealing my bark away,
I don't understand how you could hurt me.

I tried to get the best for you,
Pushing myself up and beyond to minimum,
But you would rather leave before then.

Is it just myself to blame,
Ripping parts of my body to bits.

The first memories of sorry often lie in the first years of school,
don't rip out Cindy's hair, don't tread on Tommy's shoes,
stand up straight and look on forward deep into their eyes,
the teacher would adjust you then say apologise!

Smack! Dead in the middle, hit harder than before,
It wasn't your fault you didn't see her behind the door,
but it's okay! She may be crying,
but she knows you didn't mean it.

SLAM! The door ruptures the eardrums of your family,
you screech out in anger and fear but you hide your crying,
how could he leave you so easily, in the blink of an eye?
it wasn't your fault, you did your best and yet you still say sorry.

It feels numb now, everything not because of the loss of love,
but the lack of it and so you search around frantically,
you either will act in pain and sorry and discarded aside,
or maybe you'll learn to hide it and say sorry every time.

It gets to a point the pain begins to drip away from your skin,
you realise you weren't to blame but it doesn't ease anything,
you hold a note to your heart and vow to be kind and tender,
the mirror stares at you too and begins to say "I'm sorry".

Endings aren't always as expected as you see,
brainwashing of the mind can be almost too easy.
Cruel nature often hides within the veins of our being,
yet would it really hurt to put the acid away and neutralise us all?

Sorry is often stated but in the end it's just a word,
the sentimental value is the part we need the most.

Bright mind with overflown joy,
Loving personality and poise.
Absolutely irreplaceable,
Intelligent, incredible and...
Reckless.
Everyone's favourite kind of girl.

You hold me in a cuddle, tight and warm. You hold me tighter than ever before.

We've loved, we've lost and left confused by who we are, but I know deep down, this is true love.

Caught by your eyes, when I fell for you,
Struggling in painful, I didn’t know what to do.
The sunlight faded leaving me burned.
Sweet hallucinations,
Force feeding me candies.

Trapped amongst the void,
I don’t wanna call this home.
Submerged into media and fakery,
of the make-believe lives.

Thud! Thud! Thud!
Several years have gone by.
Just like me you panic out of your mind,
So impatient, so ill-mannered.

I stared at the fabric, covered in gifts of grief,
Every breath is a struggle I make.

I thought,
This is everything,
I've ever,
Wanted for us.

So now, I ask myself,
Why you don't...
Want us to stay.

You carry on like a fast-paced wheel,
While I am stuck in place.
You carry on everyday,
But I'm stuck here just the same.
I hope I'm fine, I want more time,
Please don't take that away.

To be just someone else on a list
Of others
Would just pain me.

You brought me dreams,
From rigid pain.
One that I hope,
You'll grow free of again.

Push me aside,
I'm an obstacle, right?
You need that goal so tempting, so rich,
So you push me aside.

A red flame, a blazing blitz,
A rich burn consuming my skin,
Your droplets of hopeful flames,
Dance my skin to remains.

How many times can the wicker man burn,
Before the glow within my lava flow,
Rips to bits pouring through.

A love with a mother of the unknown,
Treasured flowers and vanity growth,
All left as I'm pushed aside, placing duty above pride.

Thought I was a phoenix but maybe I'm dumb,
Each burn and cut left me further undone,
Screeches of serenity, mental abuse,
It wasn't just you.

How many times must I burn,
Before my flesh turns to bones.
It's very clear I'll take no more,
It's about time my hand shows.

The whishing of a morning wind,
Rustling within my brain.

Warmth brewing beneath my lips,
Pulsating heart of dark rain.

The more greed my heart forms,
The disgust in myself is held strong.

I'm prideful with the fluid of love,
Yet nobody, cares for my waterfall ride.

The flame of our world is beautiful,
Creation of warm atmospheric euphoria.

To feel an emotional caress of my cheek,
Followed by a gasp of sun kisses on my head.

He came for raindrops falling on rear mirrors,
I never intended to see the ocean so blue.

She came here to remind herself more of you,
But it isn't what I feel she wants to do.

For a life so bright to come into mine,
Like a candle flame dimming away.

Do you really want this life I give?
I'm shocked you never stayed.

I've tempted my rebellious mind,
But I lost my sense of wrong and right.
That can be abused in a world,
of white/black thinking.
Learning to be an adult,
Not a kid innit.

I don't want to be the right and wrong,
I'm a deep grey mush trying to grow up.
Your poison filled me, like a sadistic goodbye,
I'm sick and tired of wasting my own time.

Hold them closer, people ask me,
But I ain't here to suffocate nobody.
Try to analyse my life with checklists,
But I'm managing fine, just let me.

Not everything can be written down,
I just wanted to learn to let it all out.
I feel like a fool living in this game,
I wonder how much my palms will take.

I've developed a fragile heart,
It makes me afraid of change.
I want to show you love,
But I fear you won't feel the same.

Your respect is strong and rigid,
But my heart is warm and pumping.
So I feel myself falling in love,
In the ways I feel I shouldn't.

You're stories birthed amongst the stars,
Makes my heart start growing leaves.
You said the fog was way too thick,
To see the constellations.

You were all my heart craved,
Under a mistletoe Christmas.
But even this year I'm alone,
Because you're not the one in it.

Each poem I write comes to an end,
But my heart feels the same.
The pumping, the butterflies and sick,
I'd do anything for you to feel the same.

Leaving her side brittle and torn,
Overdramatic assumptions and worse truths.
Vicious glances and brutal stares,
Even now, I wonder if she cries.

You said this love was temporary,
Until you found a new one.

Why should I be left,
Because I'm not traditional.

Your cheeky ways blow my mind,
I'm thinking of you all the time.

My heart pounds loud,
Especially without you.

But I can't live,
Without saying I love you.

Maybe you'd hoped for a different time,
But I had to do this for us to find...

The beauty that is known as us,
For every memory I'm grateful of.

A part of me hopes you never fall in love again,
Just so I can keep you in my arms forever.

Exhausted by excitement,
Followed up by daily activity.
You feel yourself paralyzed in fear,
Nobody else would even begin to...
Speak, you're trying your hardest to speak.

Yet everyone hears my shouts
As whispers
In the night.

The ram is leaving the farm soon,
I felt myself chip away.
All of the songs you haven't heard,
began pulsating a sensation of pain.
Small gasps of air, but understanding,
I can't force you to stay here.
But I made the barn a place to relax,
to see you walk away devastates.

The ram is readying to go soon,
It's enjoying it's final suppers.
I really hope I can enjoy a meal,
knowing the Ram had it in store.

The Ram is leaving soon,
I checked for them each day.
I would always stare towards the sun,
wishing the ram a better day.

The ram, it's not staying,
A sense of denial, laughter and suffering.
Who will accompany the lonely bull now?
If the ram has gone away.

Complex past lives can fit like a puzzle,
but your desire for suffering came in with a chainsaw.
Lives can be truthful and forever a memory-filled mind,
but your lack of forgiveness, leaves me invalidated.

I just want to let it all fade in the wind,
of course I'll take consequences, but you just won't forget,
to remind me, to stab me as each day passes on,
I just want to let it all fade and be gone.

Perish my thoughts, re-create some kind of lie,
because so many years were lost because of your sick minds.
You chose to fracture the soul of a child,
to have her grow up picking pieces up, begging for a reminder,
as to why she should live on, as each day grows harder.

Is it so hard to forget about me? As I'm already left alone.
Is it so hard to let me be, just let me go.
The more you hold onto me, it suffocates me more,
I understand I wasn't great, but you're killing my soul.

I could fight mountains, earthquakes and stop tropical storms too,
no matter what amount of work I put in, it's worthless to you.
I don't know what else to say, what's the point of talking too,
when you erase each word I say to fabricate something new.

I'm done with all this suffering, I'm done with all this pain,
I've tried 300 times to just start over again,
won't you let me just grow, I don't want to hear my name.
Because of you, I started to hate every single one of my veins.

Frustration turns to tears, I can't deal with this again, it's pathetic,
it's petty and I'm getting exhausted of your games.
If I were to start over, to live my life again,
I wouldn't waste a breath on you, I'd walk the other way.