We are surrounded by humanity in this bus. We are breathing one another in and yet out eyes are glued to our screens and our minds are drowning in utter crap. We consider it to be socializing if the other person is typing. I suppose it is in a way, but nothing will ever compensate for the touch of a hand or the real, unaltered laugh of a relative stranger because they could become a friend. It breaks my heart to see so many people absorbed by technology rather than a decent conversation. Yes I am aware I'm a hypocrite because I am typing this, but how else may I get it across to the rest of the world? We can't all read the same piece of paper...

We feel better when the sky owns up to the bleakness of the world; it turns grey and endless and it cries with us. We hide from the sun because it warms our skin and lies about a better tomorrow. Ice bites our noses and rattles our teeth- it makes us feel alive but it too, is swallowed by the warmth we have taught ourselves to hate. We are fighting for happiness but waiting for the warmth and the flush and the laughter to end, that we might envelope ourselves once more in our depression, anxiety and pain.
But I am tired of my cocoon of misery; this atmosphere filled with the sensation of waiting for rain. You three are my best friends. I have made an astonishing number of mistakes in my life but loving you is not one of them.

So I will wait for rain with you.

**And I will revel in the sun when you find it.

My body is at a desk,
While my mind is lain back
On my trampoline,
With the clear sky above me,
One night.
What a concept, a clear sky.
It means no clouds
But imagine,
If there was nothing up there
But black.

I am sinking, under pressure normally,
But you touch my skin and everything,
Everything calms to the point that
I am either consumed by the thought
Of you or can think of nothing but sleep.

Broken hearts,
Broken fingers,
Broken minds.
Broken ribs and broken
Noses and broken *******
People in every place I look.

High above us, unreachable until they choose to fall
are the words we crave to write, in this moment.
In a few minutes, we'll want to write another tale,
another heart wrenching emotion.
We will want to show the world that we can feel,
but soon, I wont know why I wrote this,
because the clouds will have shifted,
and so goes my inspiration.

No matter how bright,
Now matter how fragrent,
Everything fades
And smells like rot.
The smell of old books,
The colour of old life.

"A window to the soul", you say.
So you, my friend can see in.
But they are our window,
With which we see outwards
And we show our emotions.
Happy tears, sad tears, angry tears.
Or no tears, and no emotion.

You don't see me through my eyes,
I show you.

Dead weight.
Toxic.
Soft.
Breakable.
We built our waterways out of it.
For decades.
A flow of toxins.
Much like emotion.

I'd write a sonnet
About how much I love you,
Darling Boy,
If I weren't so sad that your
Shoes aren't here for me
To put mine next to.

We were sat down.
You tickled my foot.
I almost kicked you
in the face,
And instead got you
I'm the nuts.

*oops

I am so tired of loud things;
Cars, bikes, wind, rain,
silence.
The loudest of them all
Is the deafening scream
Of someone too scared
To talk.

Talking like we used to do
It was always me and you
Shaping up and shipping out
Check me in and check me out

Do you like walking in the rain?
When you think of love, do you think of pain?
You can tell me what you see
I will choose what I believe

Hold on, darling
This body is yours,
This body is yours and mine
Well hold on, my darling
This mess was yours,
Now your mess is mine

Your mess is mine

See you in the marketplace
Walking 'round at 8am
Got 2 hours before my flight
Luck be on my side tonight

You're the reason that I feel so strong
The reason that I'm hanging on
You know you gave me all the time
Or did I give enough of mine?

Hold on, darling
This body is yours,
This body is yours and mine
Well hold on, my darling
This mess was yours,
Now your mess is mine
Oh
Now your mess is mine
Oh
Your mess is mine

Bring me to your house
And tell me "sorry for the mess"
Hey, I don't mind
You're talking in your sleep
All the time
Well, you still make sense to me
Your mess is mine

Your mess is mine
This body's yours and this body's mine
Your mess is mine

We're all so cute and sweet.
"I would never hurt you."
"You're my friend, why would I do that?"
You can't not hurt me,
It's what people do.
I don't want to be spared from
The pain of caring for you.
I tied myself down to you,
And let you whip me with the words
I fed you.
So don't lie to me and say
You would never hurt me
Because I know you will.
I do not, however, know that
You will pick up the pieces
Of my broken mind, and put
Me back together, that I might
Pretend
I won't be hurt by you again.

I am strolling.
Walking,
Waiting.
Standing,
Watching,
Waaaaiiiting.
I am sleeping,
Suspended in the glow,
Of my absolute inability
To use words.

I wear this clock around my neck,
As a lover wears a ring.
This heavy weight upon my chest;
As heavy as the time within.

But The clock I wear's not ticking,
And the heart I bear's not beating.
I wait for them to begin again-
Clock broken, heart stopped.

The clock stopped when you left me,
The time ran out when you did.
But my heart went on for a little while,
My heart would not believe

That in the end you cared not
For the time or the heart I gave you.
So this clock serves as a reminder to
Not love as I loved you

You're stuck in the part where
You're having to live for other people,
But sooner rather than later,
You're going to start living for yourself
And the world looks so much better.

*the world becomes yours.

"In order to be normal, break your walls,
Let people in, let them help."

*Alternatively, earn my trust, I'll show
You where the door is.

I know the world is terrifying and black skies cover us all, but sometimes a small cloud of light will pass over us, carried by the breeze. The wind itself will hold the smells of tomorrow while the cloud will hold no scent, no sound. It will be but a light. In it though, we will see yesterday, dynasties past, kingdoms that rose and fell and flying cities. In this cloud you will have sat on a throne and commanded an army. You will have sat in a rocking chair and read to children while they pout, as children do. This cloud of every and no colour will call to you and pull on your soul until you forget that the sky is black and terrifying and all-consuming. For that is what a day dream is for. Now go back and make the colours invert. Make the sky golden and the clouds black. Make this world your kingdom, your dynasty. The classroom clock won't tick in the world if you make it for yourself. Make your own time and write your own world.

I will walk down a road someday,
In a city, or a village, or some country lane,
And I will no longer look behind me.
I will know the brick colour,
Of my house and the one next door,
But I will remember, that this place,
This home of mine, was new to me
And you, once.
Once, we were travellers.

When I am falling down,
You will pick me up,
As we rise again, we miss the floor,
We rise above it all.
You came for me,
Healed my heart with kind words
And taught me how to fly.
I love you.