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Demons...
That's what they told me.
"You have demons."
"How do you get rid of them?" I would politely ask.
"Oh haha. You don't. They are a part of you as you develop them."
Oddly when I left I didn't feel sad or scared or anything like that.
For some reason I got excited.
These little creatures spun from shadow and hate became my best friends.
They taught me that the world is cruel and to not trust a soul.
What I didn't understand, and would ask about frequently, was why?
Why couldn't I trust anyone?
Silly me...
I was taught why.
Whenever I would ask why, the demons would make another person
       hurt me until finally everyone had gone away.
"Demons! Why must you make people hurt me? I can't live with this any
       longer!" I shouted.
Then the smallest and darkest of the demons came to me in the night and
       gave me a way out. Simple, painless, easy.
I went into my closet and retrieved the black box from the top shelf.
I slowly pulled my Savior out of his cage and brought him up to my face.
"Savior, free me from my pain!" I said with tears slipping silently down my
       cheeks in a never ending waterfall.
And thus, He did.
Now here I am quietly sitting in your mind waiting for the opportunity to
        tell you about your Savior and how he can end your pain.
At last.
Why do I put up with everything you do?
Because I love you...
Why do I let you walk all over me as if I'm a carpet?
Because I trust you...
Why do I sit back and allow you to constantly tell me why I'm wrong?
Because I adore you...
Why do I constantly let you put me down so you can feel better?
Because I can't do anything else...
Why do I allow you to fill me with hate and sorrow?
Because I don't know what I'd do without you...
Why do I stay with you even after all you put me through?
Because I believe you'll change...
Why do I not feel the same feelings towards you that I used to?
Because I am realizing you're no good for me...
Why do I have blood on my hands and a gun at my feet?
Because I took care of you...
Finally...
The beautiful Temptress will caress you in the night.
Telling you stories of wondrous things that are unimaginable.
She'll fill you to the brim with awe and even then it will overflow.
She's what you've been searching so long for.
She's everything you need and have ever wanted.
Her curvy figure is a vast maze that you can only hope to explore.
She beckons you to follow her and you do.
You leave everything  behind and follow the mysterious woman.
You arrive at a clifftop with a stunning view of the ocean.
Figuring out how you got here is a fleeting thought because again she calls
       to you.
You follow her mindlessly to the edge of the cliff.
She tells you the answer to the question you've secretly been dying to ask.
To be with her all you must do is jump...

The wicked Temptress is all you want and all that your eager mind can
       focus on.
She tells you that you must jump or that she must leave and you can't
       allow that to happen.
So without thinking a second thought, you do as she asked.
Upon jumping your mind clears and allows you to reflect in the few
       moments before your impending doom.
You now realize that she is not who she seemed.
You can now remember that slight earthy and decaying smell about her
        that was cleverly disguised with the most enchanting perfume.
You remember that at times she spoke of a place that sounded dark and
        frightening.
A millisecond before you hit the jagged rocks at the bottom of the
        skyscraper-like cliff with the beautiful view you realize who she is.
Waking up on a flat surface you smile thinking it was all a bad dream and
        then you realize you can't feel anything in or on your body.
You try to cry out but no sound escapes your lips.
Suddenly you see something black move quickly across the room.
You try to lift your head to investigate but then you hear a shushing noise.
"Dear me, look! He's awake!" a woman says from across the room.
You lay still until someone or something appears in your line of vision.
"Do you recognize me dear?" the woman asks in a friendly voice that
       sounds ominous but comforting as well.
You realize she is the Temptress and you try to ask her where you are but you
       still cannot move your lips.
She gazes at you with a look that is an equal mix of longing and hunger.
"Dear it will all be over soon." she says quietly while caressing your face.
Suddenly you're being tipped and you see a pit with bright, hot flames
       inside, fighting to be released from their prison.
The Temptress looks at you and suddenly her skin starts to bubble and
        you scream in your mind but to no avail.
The Temptress grabs your face in one hand and again answers the only
        question that you've been dying to know.
"My dear, if you're wondering, I am the Temptress. I am the one who
        'escorts' all the bad people of the world to hell."
Her skin is gone, replaced with the yellow tinted bones of a person long
          dead.
"Dear, I'm here to tell you," she leans into your ear and whispers in a voice
          like sand paper, "I...am...Death..."
With that she pushes you into the pit and the fire's greedy claws.
The life of me may seem easy and yet...
It is not at all.
My life has more stress than I let on.
You have no idea.

When you see me with a big smile on my face,
You have no idea how hard it is
To keep up that kind of charade.
But no one seems to notice.

Everyone has their own issues.
I am living with years of stress and
Judgments. Years of lying and protecting.
Years of silent tears at night so as not to wake my family.

These years are pressing down on me.
The pain and judgment slowly catching up with me.
Every new stress is another grain of sand on the
Mountain that I already carry on my shoulders.

I am strong for a reason.
So I do not break down in the middle of class about
Something that happened five years ago.
So that I can carry on with a fake smile plastered to my face.

I am not the first to be depressed nor the last.
I am simply caught up in my own problems.
I know that I have it easy sometimes but it is hard to see that
Over the mountain of pain in my direct line of vision.

The pain can be useful.
I develop intriguing and sometimes beautiful poetry from it.
Most don't realize that that pain is real, just in another form.
The ones who see it are in a position like me.

The weight of the years on my shoulders have hardened me.
I do not care about things like I used to.
I am no longer innocent or childlike.
I am a human being with enough on her plate to choke the beautiful life
       out of several people.

I can't fix this.
I have tried and failed.
I must figure out how to live with my mountain.
But as the days, weeks, months, years go by, my mountain is growing.

I am slowly being suffocated and the biggest burden of all?
No one seems to realize it.
No one sees this mountain of pain slowly eating me alive.
People who can see it...can't do anything to help.

I am on a sinking ship and I don't know how to swim.
I know eventually it will take me under but right now
I am trying to keep my head afloat.
Day by day I sink a little lower.

To anyone that knows someone who is sinking...
For the love of god! Throw them a life jacket.
Help them in any way you can including calling them randomly
Just to check on them and listen for the lies when you know they aren't ok.

Everyone will eventually sink but one act of showing you care could
Allow them another few minutes of air.
 Jun 2014 Sam Kirk
J
Replace my
Destructive thoughts
With the sound of the rain
Tapping softly
On my window
At 2 a.m
y.
 Jun 2014 Sam Kirk
neko
9:14pm
 Jun 2014 Sam Kirk
neko
driving back home from being in the city, one hand on the wheel, yours in the other, the explosions in the sky song with the title to match the exact moment floating from my speakers, your head resting on my arm, and a sleepy look on your face. 

and *******, i have never felt so at home. i have never felt such solace in watching the dark highway lines. as long as you're by my side and your hand is in mine, i could drive forever, i could do anything, i am unabridged. i have never understood a wordless song so completely. every breath you take is a melody in and of itself. we are a symphony.
 Jun 2014 Sam Kirk
Muggle Ginger
Love like the sun
Loves the earth
Ever since they met
They dance every day

The sun makes the earth
Look on the brighter side
The earth gives the sun
A reason to wake up

Love like the earth
Loves the sun
Because the earth isn’t distracted
By the stars and the moon
 Jun 2014 Sam Kirk
circus clown
free
 Jun 2014 Sam Kirk
circus clown
i've been slamming my fragile little fists into dry wall for so long
i get angry at myself when my knuckles aren't bleeding
my mind isn't the cleanest it's ever been right now, but this is what feels like home.
there's stains on the carpet, the curtains in the kitchen window are ripped at the bottom, and sometimes the sink gives you cold water when you ask for hot.
i'm in love with my own faults and failures.
one time, i set a candle too close to the couch and watched everything go up in what looked to me like a southern sunset. next thing i know, they're calling me an arsonist.
the pills they put in my mouth to clean up all the ash made my home more like a hotel and everything smelled like a hospital.
i am sweating alcohol on a wednesday morning, i am gasping for air with a cigarette in my hand, i have been crawling in broken glass, don't you dare talk to me about holiness.
i want to tell you that in spite of all of that, i am free, but i'm not. i'm just used to it.
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