I am able to sit back for once in two years.
really think about who I am,
who I want to be....
But the more that I remain in one place,
looking for something that I am;
I simply stand there,
Lost and Searching.
my thoughts are forever hurting
my head and body thrive to be
something that I cannot be
and I feel stuck.
Wall close around me
and all I see is you....
there to guide me from the fear
but I'm not sure....
so unclear.

will you hurt me again?
can you accept who I am?
can you promise you won't leave;
to be there till the end?

I'm so tired
Of not knowing
What I do
Or do not want.

I feel as if
I have missed my
Sleep for weeks
And there is
Nothing left of
My lightly blushed
Cheeks..

Wipe out
Lifeless
I lay there praying
To the god
I've never believed in
Hoping and wanting
To find my own way out

But I remain tired
And lifeless.
I feel weak
And I should not be.

Every day is a new challenge
Every corner a bridge to burn
Yet I still stay hoping
That one day I'll be heard
That I wont be held down
To be made felt guilty

I struggle.
And every minute that passes by
I struggle
Digging my self deeper
Hand bleeding on this shovel
And I can no longer climb out of
What I have made myself out of
Who I surround myself with
None of it feels like my choice anymore
It all feels like a struggle
Eating and clawing away
Until what I have left of who I am
Is gone.

I don't know what to say anymore
Its like no matter what I want it never happens

We talked
Long horrible hours took us on
And come three A.M.
We were so broken that
All we could do was lay there,
Side by side with nothing to say
Gazing at the ceiling
As if that was where
The answers were held
But they weren't.

We said we would stay together
But feelings of insecurity take hold
Drowning me in your anger
Bitter bitter emotions
And I am once again lost and searching.

Im in this phase
Where I never feel enough,
So I parade around
Like I'm hot ****
And just maybe some one
Will walk my way,
That smile towards me
Their eyes on me
Like I'm good enough
Like I mean something.

They come in and put an end
To all my mistakes
And overlooked pages
In this book I've been
Writing all my life
But I still can't read
the words on these pages
And it all happens over and over again.

I mess up,
And I'm the only one around
Anymore to care.

Everything I do always gets ******* up.

If I yell for help,
Or beg and plead....

You break me down to my very knees.

I feel broken.

I woke up to you angry
Hating everything about me.
Same as every other day
Until you really left me.

At first I felt so empty
Running on nothing but emotion
But I stood back and thought.

I'm stronger with out you.
I will be who I want
I will talk to who I want
Do what I want.

So stay gone.

We say we're going to change
That we will get better,
But no matter how much I try
I can't get close to you.

Bitter and mean
Everything you do
Seems to go unseen
You say I'm doing it
But I'm not.

I sit in silence.

You just left me
No warning
No signs
And you walked away
What did I do this time
It always seems to be me
And every time I try to succeed
I can not seem to breathe
Like my throats enclosing the air
And people around began to stare
But why are you doing this to me
Leaving ?

What do I want?
My heart says one thing
And my head the other
I'm stuck
Running into him
Was just my luck...