I used all my efforts
To get into the world
That I see some people in
The world with many
Interesting things
The world
In which people eat and celebrate
But all my efforts
Were futile
Nevertheless, I will dance to that tune

I read many books
I did study fifteen subjects
I passed my O’ level
I passed my A’ level
I got three degrees
But it’s all the same

I searched for vocations
But I found none
I used all my fortitude
And I never forfeited
But it was all in vain
Who had bewitched me?
I just ask
Nevertheless, I will be poor forever

... and if my tears cried a million oceans
Each would whisper your name
My heart is broken
I will never be the same




❤I love and miss you Mum ❤

I had  a dream of travelling;  just that - travelling, not  leaving, not staying ; travelling.
At the station
Faces look out from the bus, familiar faces, continuing on their journey.
Their journey. Not my journey.

No going back, or even looking back, I can't see the road behind, only glimpses
Of what it may have been.

I'll stay here a while in no- man's land. Or stay forever
Sit in the shelter at the roadside and pretend.
Tell all the people in the queue, ' No. Not my bus. I have a while to wait, a while to wile.' I say.
Scan timetables and adverts  idly,
Then sit and sit , then sit some more
And wait until a bus comes rolling down the hill with cheery driver and with all the windows lit.
Jump on and go with it.

When I dwell on what’s coming
to my little boys
I go down.
I go down.
I go all the way down
to the silent, still chasm, my heart.

When I linger there long
There the sorrow, it dwells,
where it wallows and swells
then I swallow then heave,
wipe my face on my sleeve.

"All the things that they’ll miss"
Clench my face in a fist,
bleeding tears, wet and warm
as a tropical storm.
They run down.
Deluge down.
They go all the way down,
searing my wet, whiskered skin.

And the missed milestones mock,
hurt me, sink like a rock.
They're all wrapped 'round my head
with guilt, anger and lead.
Weigh me down.
Tie me down.
I go all the way down,
All alone, a black bubble my mind

And it's often I find,
that I find myself there,
meet the eye of despair,
the five-hundred-yard stare
So alone,
I go down.
I go all the way down
I go all the way down to no     end.