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Sea pulse asurge, your pores brace for influx:
the scrub of sixteen salts whose rigid karma
scrapes us down. So sound the signals
(likely sales) from shoehorned sleeper
towns. Their patron wasn't long for earth;
a grid (what genius!) takes a bow,
puts slideshow on, and all we hear is how.

When sunlight stirs again we'll chisel
feeble errors, chip a bullet
out of stone. We'll see which skulkers
have a six at home, and toast
the night in sheetery. When devils
drain the foosty runoff of
your prim report to primal center,
sweep up white-horse myths bleached out
of paved-gray lots. Submerge in steam
of favor, frenzied in unseen replies
(no sharper catching eyes as coffees,
tipped to spoon in drowse-A.M.s
from furtive nights) -- Behold (unsold to rights)
uncensored action, living truth!
Untempted nine-percenters,
go-betweens for stunning tens
ground out of poison  pens.
Abrade with noise what was to clean our lens.
 Jun 2018 bea
jai
stomach aches
 Jun 2018 bea
jai
i hate the way my stomach feels when it’s literally caving into itself, you know? like when you got suppppper close to your first kiss at church camp the year before your grandma died? and then it felt the same way the year she did die and you let that 22 year old feel you up on your first kiss even though you were only 12. sort of like the time you had your first true heart break, you know when he showed you what it was like to not be taken advantage of, and then time that he did take advantage of you? or the time he cheated? or how the night your soul broke because of it and your mom and sisters literally held you down and wept the whole time, begging you to not do this to yourself. you know the build up and drop you get doing a new drug for the first time, and then the 1000th?

yeah it honestly makes me sick, and it’s not just my stomach that’s affected.
we all have those things
those things that just take us back and remind us of a time we would much rather not be reminded of
 Mar 2018 bea
milo
apush
 Mar 2018 bea
milo
the hallway is too bright for six fourty five am words
(you still end up looking soft in it)
morning bites at my cheeks smiling nothings with you on our way to sleepy history class

i want to fill liminal spaces with you
i want to be bright and undeniable
and write your burning words in the stars
we’ll walk endless 0 period hallways
under permanently purple skies
and it’ll replace her last words, spoken in cold morning air
with your name over and over
 Mar 2018 bea
avalon
City love (you)
 Mar 2018 bea
avalon
New York City is all existential lust and anxiety
personally,
all the words and phrases catching on
each other's faux fur coats and
the way your lips frame love is different than
mine,
and it's like dreaming
or a drug, dancing and dazzling from a thousand feet above
the skyline isn't as cool as they said,
it's hazy and gray (like your eyes), and
i love it
 Mar 2018 bea
milo
maybe if i yell loud enough
across fuzzy love songs after my last shift
you'll turn your head like
the way you look at her in literature

and, maybe i let my eyes linger too long on your
blue hoodie, the blonde bits at the end of your hair,
when you walk me to class on tuesdays
i've done this to myself before and ill do it again

maybe ill drown myself in the number seven till
i can finally shut the **** up
and can look at its lines without hearing your voice
YALL ALREADY BE KNOWING IM BACK ON MY ******* SORRY ITS BEEN SO LONG
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