i don't think he knows
how much
he fills my
heart;

how
his movements
have made themselves
at home

he makes me want
to push back
the furniture

just so
i can watch
him dance

You inspire me to be me
You make me believe i am brave
You have shown me that courage
comes from within
You may not change the whole world
but You have blessed mine
i have never seen nor felt
such undeserved kindness
You are one of the few
i am indeed a simple soul
But i know what chosen looks like
i have met your kind before

love
fine line
crazy

you make me laugh
and I smile at your words
my heart is lifted
and my soul is fed

your words flow
intravenously
into my blood
like I need you to survive
to keep me alive

pictures painted
with consonants and vowels
a string of words
that bind my wrists
my heart

and I am there with you
for every step you take
my feet
my heart
will follow you
where ever you lead

you make me cry
tears of anger and loss
tears shed at your plight
I hoped and prayed
that this time
when I read your story again
that this time
maybe you wouldn't die.

funerals are for the living
sanity for the insane
love is for the broken hearted
and forgiveness
for those without blame

if you kissed me
you would taste the
i love you
on the tip of my tongue

seasons turn
and nights behold
darkness covers
stars unfold

frosts eiderdown
so bitter spread
as winter lays
in autumns bed

shadows grow
the wheel does turn
pray lengthen days
and warmth return

hearts rejoice
as wishes fall
the old year past
hopes blessings all

writers
are powerful creatures

they can make you believe
using in your own imagination
that they
can warp and then stop time,
they can make you old
young
and die

they can construct dreams
made of ink
that terrify,

dreams that span eons of time
keeping you
wide awake
never sleeping
for
one
second

they can summon dragons
and storms
create armies
and legions
build castles
and empires

they can burn
your village
to the ground

and everything
you hold dear...

will be dust

🍃

they can make you fearless
Victorious!
Triumphant!!
Leaders of men..
Warriors in battle...

Gods on High



mad

...



they can make you fly
make you crawl
beg for mercy

wish for death

and then...

when you thought
they had done
all that they could

vicariously
they live
their darkest fears
through
you

by making you


love
❤

🌻🍄🌼🦔🍃🍂🍁🍂
Autumn awaits and the warmth of home
becomes ever more precious.
As the turning wheel presses ever onward,
the nights will draw in,
and i find i need to settle among
love and happiness
more than ever.
🍂🍁🍄🍂🍃🌼🍄🦔

all I needed was a softer heart
i needed a kinder hand
a more gentle love

all i needed were forehead kisses
i needed kinder words
a more loving love

i needed to know
i could trust you
i needed to know
I could rely on you

i needed to feel you
softly wipe away my tears
and not to have been
the reason for them


all I needed was a trustworthy path
i needed you to lead the way
and not make me walk blindly
into nothingness

i would have walked
to the ends of the earth
with you

with forever in my heart
with always in my mind
your hand holding mine
never letting go

all  I will ever need is kindness
i only ever wanted love

all  that i crave
is soft and gentle
in a world of
stick and stones
that so easily
break my bones

absent
absent from their beautiful eyes
eyes that are the same as yours

missing**
missing the joy of their laughter
the laughter you are too far to hear

blind
blind to the love they give in absolute abundance
and their love for you still waits

silent
silent is the hope that you still love them
and is the only answer you give

love
love is what they have
even knowing you may never
love them back

I need and love them
as if they were my last breath.

Without them..
I wonder how you are still alive?

So.. I went on a date, at least I think it was a date..
Okay.. I'm going to call it a date because,
if it wasn't..
I'm not entirely sure what it was.

Okay so.. the story goes like this...

It was July last year,
I was walking home from work and I passed
an elderly neighbours house.
If he is ever in his garden we say hello,
but never much more than that.

This time he was talking to a man
who was also in his garden,
turns out he was a family friend
and was visiting for the day.
He also lives nearby.

As I walked by,
the neighbour said 'Hello' and so did I..
The friend said hello too
and watched me walk past and down the road to my street,
where upon I looked back to see if any cars were coming
so I could cross the road,
only to see this friend watching me..

So..
two days later,
again I was walking home
and a car pulls up beside me..
people are always asking for directions so,
I thought this person might need directions..
But It was the friend of my neighbour..
His name is Skeletor.
(just humour me okay...)

He asked me if I was going to talk to him,
if I would like to go out for a drink,
if I would want to get to know him..

I totally was unprepared for this
and so I said
'I don't know and I don't know and...
yeah..
I don't know' ...

I then said I had to go
because I needed to go
and so I said
'i'm sorry but I have to go"
and I went...
I am not very good at the talking to strangers thing..

So..
two days later,
I was walking to the bus stop,
a car pulls up and ...
you guessed it...
It was Skeletor.

He asked if I wanted a lift to work and we could talk..
you know,
get to know each other.
I declined as politely as I could
and I said that,
I didn't know him
and I would get the bus to work because
'oh look...there's a bus right now...
thank you,
you are welcome and goodbye'

So..
two days later I was walking home
and driving up my street was Skeletor...
He pulls over and winds down his window
and said "Hey.. how are you..?"
and so we talk for a little while
and he tells me that he would like to take me out..
and can he have my number..

So..
I give him my number
and he calls it and I then have his..
he said he would like to call me
and would I like to go out for a drink.

So to cut a very loooong story short...

Two days later he texts me
and asks if I would like to meet him..

Firstly.. no...

But then...
he is someones family friend that I almost know,
I know his name and have his number...
I also have his car registration number...
and I told all my kids exactly what was happening.

And how will I ever meet anyone
if I don't actually...
meet anyone.?

So I said yes.
He seemed nice and,
even if a little persistent,
he seemed okay.
So I said yes..

He said he would text me and he did,
we arranged to meet 8pm on Saturday,
it was 25th of July..
two days before my birthday.

Saturday came..
it was 7.55pm and I was completely nervous
and just knew I would fuckit all up somehow.

8.05 and nothing...
8.11 and I let down my hair and hung up my bag.
8.19 and I'm making coffee,
hoping for a quiet night in.
and then he texts me..

'Hi it's Skeletor,
do you still want to go out...?
I can pick you up in 5 minutes...'

So I take off my slippers,
clean my teeth for the eighth time
and wait at the top of my road.
He pulls up and I get in his van..

I told my kids who I was with,
his number, his name, the car reg...
everything..
and they were to text me at 10pm
to ask if I needed to come home..
they would call me if I said yes or didn't answer.

We drove to a pub but,
on the way we talked about how neither of us really drank very much and so I said,
could we go and feed the ducks and have a milkshake..?
You know..
just something simple and fun..

He said 'yeah sure'
and that's what we did...
well kind of...

So we get milkshakes and go to the lakes..

I text my kids where we would be
while he got the milkshakes..

We pull up but we don't get out of the van..
he just wants to talk..
So I ask what he does at work
and he said he works in London,
so I ask what he does at work
and he said he works in a big complex...
and so I ask how he knows my neighbour
and he said he has known them for years
and so I ask how he knows my neighbour
and he said he is a family friend...

ugh... it was such hard work...

I ask him what his surname is because Skeletor is pretty unusual
and he said yeah it is,
so I ask him what his surname is
and he said it is Eternian
He said it was ncerfveon;wc...
I said pardon
and he said ovncervhbo3chhf...

So I said "oh..."

So he said he was kind of tired and he yawns,
puts his arms behind his head and stretches..
he said that he had had a busy day at work
and he wanted to sit in silence for a while
and just listen to the sound of the ...
outside...

So...
this is what my mind was doing...

'Okay... I think he wants me to shut up.. but he wanted to talk.. and his eyes are closed...okay don't look at him because that's creepy, okay this is weird, I thought we were going to feed the ducks or something.. oh look.. ducks... two fat ducks... well this is fun.. I've got to the bottom of the milkshake and I can't **** the last bit because it so quiet in this van and... I think he's asleep... **** what if he goes to sleep..? how will I get home? no.. he's not asleep he flexing his muscles.. what? ummm what is he doing? why is he flexing his muscles with his eyes closed..? I want to drink this last bit of milkshake.. I'm trying to be quiet.. he said to be quiet.. and oh look GEESE!!!  ****... I think he's asleep... this is weird... he is definitely flexing his arm muscles and okay don't look because it's creepy and he would think you are weird...I think It's getting dark... I am being so quiet... what if he's dead..? **** what if he dies...? please don't be dead... nope not dead.. he's flexing again... okay this is *******... oh look.. geese"

And he kind of wakes up a bit and looks at me,
smiles and says
'Did you know you are beautiful ?'
and he touches my face...
and I said 'well ummm thank you'
and he said
"You have lovely eyes,
they are so pretty
and your lips are so kissable...
I can't think why you are still single..
I could look at your lips forever,
you know...
your lips would look lovely..."

And my phone rings...

And I am just so relieved...
and so,
to celebrate,
I loudly drink the last bit of my milkshake...

And so I say I have to go home..
it's late and my kids need me to head home now..
And so he drives me home
and sings all the way home in the car to me...
and I am so glad we are heading back
and I just want to go home.

And he pulls up at my house
and I say
'Thank you for a lovely evening,
and thank you for the milkshake,
it was very kind of you to take me to almost feed the ducks.."
and he leans in to kiss me.

I open the door and shakeing his hand I say
"Thank you Skeletor" once more.
I jump out of the van,
close the door and go very quickly home...

Where upon,
for the next half an hour,
I lay on the floor in the kitchen,
relaying the whole sorry tale
to children who think this is both hilarious
and very dangerous.
They happily tell me
"And this is exactly why you are single"..

They make me coffee
and tell me I am very special
and need a very special kind of person
to put up with me...

Especially one who actually feeds the ducks
when they say they will feed the ducks...



I will say though..
I kept the paper straw cover like a little keepsake
of my first 'date'
in about 46 thousand years :)

there is no ground beneath my feet
not today
nothing to hold on to
as I pass through the atmosphere
past the stars
out into the darkness
space is cold this morning
and quiet
and i'm a little bit lost
lost in space
with no way home
but
If I close my eyes
and count
and sing quietly
and hug myself tight
I will believe the lie
just for today
holding on to nothing
calling it flying.

Always..
it's always going to be my fault

No matter what you did or what you said
it will be my fault

Even the lies you tell
will be my fault

The love you gave and the love you lost
will be my fault

The pain you feel and the tears you shed
will be my fault

The agony and the injustice of it all
will be my fault

And the punches I took and the bitter words you spat
will be my fault

The obsessive
possessive
jealous
rage
you poured upon me
will be my fault

The others you slept with and threw in my face
will be my fault

The secret child you made
will be my fault

and so I left you

that will not be my fault

that would be yours.

And above all,
watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you
because the greatest secrets
are always hidden in the most unlikely places.
Those who don't believe in magic
will never find it.