Looking back I know you never deserved that.
Why was I so awful?
You were the light in a dark room.
And I was the gloom.
I wish that wasn’t true.
But there’s nothing I can do but try to make amends.
And hope for you to find a better love than I could have ever been.

something really broke tonight,
and i fell through.
i went to bed,
so depressed
after having had words with you.
i have not fallen quite so deep
into the spiral of my own soul,
of my own silence
in a while.
i saw lifes contradictions
i saw the nature and substance of love.

but as quickly as it had come,
it slipped away.

There was a time when i believed in falling
for falling is the first step to trust
and trust, i have lacked for the last few years
because sheded tears caused my steel heart to rust
for a while i was convinced there was a spark
hidden under heaps of high expectations and hope
past the overthinking, right next to quaint smiles and glances, and hidden under the wish that we’d finally elope
but love isn’t built with empty promises
nor is it molded with the lovley, “if only”
because when you fall in love with the idea of someone
falling turns to broken, the broken can’t mend, and your back to being desperate and lonely
i wish being loved wasn’t so difficult
but if it was easier no one would dare to fall
because we’d rather be shattered from falling with faith
than stay safe with nothing at all