I wonder where,
and how,
and in what form
shall we meet
again...

You see it coming
without knowing when
and from nowhere you knew
you’d shake your hand
with death

the thing is
you’d never be
prepared
nor be enough
to calm

when waves
began to swallow
your boat,

you’d be gone
in the shore
of grief.

He's the wind,
I'm a dust.
Maybe I might as well
learn how to accept...

We weren't supposed
to breathe
the same air.

The ambiance you left in your room
Your name carved
on a wooden cabinet

The smell of your perfume
in someone else's shirt

and that stupid song from
a neighbor's radio
you used to sing

The wilted flower
between the pages
of my old dusty journal

That
beautiful tragic love story
I'd never get over with...

I never thought I could be at my best
when I learned how to sew all the rips
my heart hath gone thru.
Never had I imagined
how good I was in concealing
all the emotions I had to make thru.
Never had I noticed
how my hands ached
for not wiping a single tear
my eyes have kept.
Never had I let him see
how badly beaten my soul is.

And with these...

never had I realized
how all the wounds bleed
without feeling a single twinge.

You'll realize that...

whatever spills
is just a manifestation
of what nests
inside.

45 minutes before my real
new decade starts,
45 minutes before
I turn the music off.

45 minutes before another
dried leaf falls
45 minutes before a new
one sprouts...

there from a branch
of a tree
where all mem'ries engraved
with listed names
of those who come and go
while time passes and flies.

45 minutes...
last 45 minutes of holding on.

45 minutes...

then I'll let go.

Please keep in mind
that you don't have
to be in love
to believe in all the magics
your universe could give.

Sparks ain't coming from
those slow motion scene
you've watched from your
all-time fave movies.

Sparks come from
moments brought by
a fast travel of hope
creating lights.

And as it has
to come...

it also has
to go.

She used to dance with the rhythm
no one could ever hear
-like poems and raindrops,
she crashes and pours.
But nay, her sleepless nights are o'er,
and so with the nightmares of her painful past..

Now she walks in a garden
which flowers bloom
from stitches and scars.

Pour yourself
with the love
you always give
to others.

Be the sunshine
you always long
from someone.

'til then,
you would realize...

you don't need
to need someone
to bloom.

you would
know

that it's
time

to be
happy

for

YOURSELF

I loved how he waved his hand
the way he called my name
for that very first time
it was all surreal
I could still remember
how bothered all  butterflies
were in my stomach

I loved how he held my hand
the way he kissed me on my forehead
and the moment he whispered
‘I love you’ on my ears
it all happened in a snap;
a minute I’d love to recall
all my life

I loved how he stared at me
the way he puts his hands
in his pockets
I used to think he had
all my smiles
in there
safe to be cherished by him

I loved how he
laid his armors
the way he shielded
all the roads I had to walk through
for in his arms
I always find the sweetest haven of all

I loved everything about him
even when he had to say
the most bitter word
I had to hear

and I wonder
how could this word
has goodness in it
when it has always been
a ‘bye’
in its end.

I wanted to write
a letter
put all my feelings
no color could describe

I wanted to write
a letter
and tell how much
I cried
at nights

I wanted to write
a letter
and shout all
the love and pain
I couldn't tell
you

I couldn't,
I wouldn't
because I know
I shouldn't.

I just wanted
to write
you
in a letter
fold it in a half,
seal it

and then
leave it there

between the pages
of the most
painful lines
of my old
fave book

-to remind me that
this story - our story
wouldn't take its risk
to reach the happy
ending.

I wrote your name
on a piece of paper
folded it like a boat
and let it go
along the water
under the rain.

I used to love
how these tiny drops
kissed my skin,
but today's wind's
far different from
the ions brought
by the breeze

For along with that
little paper boat
I've made

are the hopes
of
you
and
me.

a lil girl asked her mom
one summer  night,

"Mom, why can't we just
love those you love us
and unlove those
who don't?"

glittered eyed
her mom answered,

"My child,
truth is...

it isn't love
until it demands
no love in return.

it isn't love
until it is painful."

I built this tall and thick wall
around my heart for years
for intentions I know would
protect me.
I've always been prepared with shields
which I never failed to raise
whenever needed.

Was I hurt?
No.

But I wasn't that careful on
choosing who I allow
to come in through this
tiny hole I've created only for
whom I thought deserved.

And now I find it hard
really, really hard

to let him out

for the wall might crash

along
with this tiny
beating
heart of mine.

You came for a reason
I fell with reasons I do not know
Now I have to let you go with
thousands of reasons.

Can someone tell me
how a heart could break
a promise
bound by the love it had given
like a rule a brain
hath set?

Perhaps
it is the most traitor
thing on earth..

it's willing to break itself
by breaking a promise
or a rule

or
both.

Once, you let
someone fill you
with joy
no one could have
done,
you've got
ten thousand
different feelings,
you honestly couldn't
contain the rest.


Stupid heart beats
foolish magnets
you lost the count

You were filled;
unaware of the wave
that'll drown you...

you were filled

to be

empty
.
lost
.
alone

I want to see you smile
and collect all feelings
it will give
put it in my pocket
and keep it
there
forever.

I've written thousands
of letters
with your name
and mine
sealed them
with thousands of beats
my heart kept on shouting.
Sometimes
I ask myself
Why wouldn't
I send it to you?

Then right after
I'd get the answer...

there are letters
better
left unopened

Unending universe
colors of galaxies
under the innumerable stars
with billions of people

I am this tiny particle;
dust in the wind,
sand on earth,
too plain
to be noticed
by someone
who never cared.

He smiled
at me,
and suddenly
I forgot...













I was
dreaming
again.

what a well groomed
man he is
with a heart
as cold
as the
winter
wind.

I was at ease
by the sea shore
wind kissing my skin
sand on my feet
when a sudden flash
of waves came
one,
I lost my breath
two,
the wind hath stopped
three,
all sands in freeze
four,
I only see him
five,
five stupid butterflies
came
and bothered
my own
peaceful
paradise

A leaf hath fin'lly learn
how to let go
from its branch
in the warmth of summer air.

No one heard the sound;
it whisper all the saddest part
how in the midst of its traverse
someone has shown caress

-the love it never had
until it fell on the ground
along
with someone
it had never thought.

We are written
in a script
full of scenes
performed by actors
and actresses
inside us

we laugh
we cry
we face the spot
and act

at the end
every hand claps

all the praises and salute
on what the naked eyes
have seen

I've wanted to dive
the deepest ocean;
explore its wonders
no eyes hath seen

I've wanted to dive
its every corner
to feel how it feels
the love it never gave

I've wanted to dive
and have a piece of it
I'll take the mem'ry
and leave my prints

I've wanted to dive
the deepest ocean...

but the waves' crest,
the coldest wind,
– its armors,
and my sail

won't allow me

They just wouldn't.

He said he have known me
more than anyone could.

I believed.

When he asked me
How I am,
I pinned the sweetest smile
I could
as I say
I was fine.

He believed.

She smiles
when he's around...
the same expression he secretly has
whenever he catches her eyes.

She swam as if she was to fly
Up the world she'd never been
The water smells as if it's air
Beneath the pain she felt inside.

Oh how cunning life could be
For her to love and be
The curse of someone's grief
And cry alone in waves

Where she was a cast out
With her red brilliant tail
Under the cold dark corner
Of her lil newly polished room.

forgive yourself for being a loving husband
yet ended up in despair
forgive yourself for not wanting to hurt her
yet ended up with a hand on her cheek
forgive yourself for being a perfect father
yet ended up as a stranger to his eyes

Forgive yourself for giving laugh;
your shared uncounted wisdom
will last; but nay forgive thy heart
for not hating
yet ended up as a hated one

You weren’t a mess
you knew how great you’ve been
and with that,
just forgive yourself
for not being always
who you were once.

I wonder how it all started
but I’m certain how
I planned to sit by the water
and smelled the breeze from the field
delighted by the kiss of the sun
I thought I was free
for nature called me in
with comfort
no one could ever give

but the clouds came
and by and by
I counted each drop
first, I looked
second, it smiled
third, I was loved
forth, we were glad
until I realized I was soaked
by the thought of happiness
I hoped would last.

had I known it will pour,
I should have sat there
earlier

perhaps, I would have
ran away
on the first drop.

now I hear not only drips
coming from the sky.

I am this tiny blurry
light at night
pinned near to your
so-called glowing moon.
Had been undoubtedly compared
to how she not blinks
in your so-called darkest night.

But nigh...
your glorious queen leaves
and in thy coldest side
I never left.

I am a no-doubted
so far point
as to compared to her.
But I never get tired
of making
a lifetime spent of blinking,
sending the brightest light
I could give
from my own unknown galaxy
to your oh-so-famous one.

Tell me all little things you couldn’t utter for so long.
walk me on a road you’ve been running alone.
show me the darkness; I’ll play the shadow
you said I was pain.
if I am,
then let me be the cast out light.
I’ll lead the path,
the collateral one-
where no amount of fear
nor a drop of tear
can ever collide.

I’m with you
just hold me tight

Love,
**L-O-V-E

We were taught to be tough
Not to be soft with a heart so strong
and valiant, we call ourselves

We were once been trained
under the rainy clouds above
When all legendary tales begun,
our wholeness were made

We began by being just us
fulfilling what we were told to be.
We were filled…

until we got drowned.

And by that
we started
back as empty ones.

Tell me something love can do
while finding ways to ease this pain
Whisper all how care could lie
I'd slay by sword; you mark my words

And while I shout all the doubt inside
hand me the trust you once hath promised
There, under the love we once caressed
that laid beneath the deepest crest

We no longer do
We've known it
yet we pretend

I started my day
with tiny million reasons to stay.
But the day's done
and the felt of being in pain
tasting billion reasons to leave
hath ended my day.

So I did
what not my heart desires.

If time could only be so unselfish
I'll ask him to take our hands
and bring us together
in a moment both our worlds are one.

You, saying that stupid "hi" once more
and me with that silly smile
you, only could see.

If time could only be so unselfish
I'll ask him to freeze
in that very moment
when clouds don't move
and sun just smiles.

Let me take every ounce of gladness
Let me smell every tons of love
and let me feel every inch of you
for a lil longer
just a little longer.

Maybe then, you'd really stay
for a lil while
even just a little...

stay.

love is
nothing but trust
when trust is nothing lays
in a lie

it’s the day
the very first day
he told me
he loves me

I believed
I believed
At least I did

Just before
He lost
All the trust
In a lie.