Step 1: Kiss her, hard.
Step 2: Let her swim through your body and feel her fingernails accidentally chip a piece of your heart off.
Step 3: Do anything and everything that absolutely terrifies you, then do these things again, with her this time.
Step 4: Climb a mountain, then write her a letter once you reach the top; spill your guts out onto that piece of paper and watch as the snowflakes turn into words and -27 degrees turns into excruciating emotions.
Step 5: Realize that death is just another form of telling her that she's beautiful & listening to her sing in the car & watching her graduate from the school we call life & letting her run her sandy toes through your leg hair.
Step 6: Jump off of a cliff made of her memories, then sink to the bottom of that ocean which is filled with contaminated smiles and laughs that you haven't seen or felt in ages.
Step 7: Congratulate her on her new job and marriage.
Step 8: Give her newborn son a big hug, for the both of you; knowing in the back of your mind, that should of been your little boy to give kisses to on all the boo-boos and scratches he gets.
Step 9: Accidentally see her across the park, jogging (so beautifully if I might add), and walk in the opposite direction.
Step 10: Keep on living, without her.

YOU WILL NOT FALL IN LOVE IN A HOSPITAL, YOUR SKIN WILL SMELL LIKE THE DYING AND YOUR LIPS WILL CRACK AND YOU WILL NOT FIND BEAUTY

I USED TO THINK I WOULD FIND SOLACE IN THOSE SANITIZED WHITE HALLS BUT ALL I EVER FOUND WAS MY OWN EMPTY EYES STARING BACK AT ME FROM THE UNBREAKABLE SUICIDE-PROOF MIRROR AND THERE WAS NO COMFORT IN MY BRUISED TENDER FACE

HOSPITALS ARE NO PLACE FOR YOUNG GIRLS WHO HAVE NOT YET TURNED AWAY FROM LIFE AND THEY ARE NO PLACE FOR KISSING YET YOU READ ABOUT MOUTHS FINDING EACHOTHER IN THE DARKEST HOUR AND YOU THINK OF CEMENT HOSPITAL WALLS; THERE IS NO DARKNESS IN HOSPITALS, JUST PURPLE FLUORESCENT LIGHTS THAT MAKE YOU LOOK SO PALE YOU MIGHT JUST REALIZE THE IMMINENCE OF YOUR OWN DEATH.

YOU WILL NOT FALL IN LOVE IN A HOSPITAL.

You can replace me,
I'm expendable, I'm replaceable
I was a moment, you were a scene
In a movie that we developed
Of an unexpecting dream.

The one that came with the kiss on the forehead goodnight
The one that came with the ability to calmly sleep at night
I remember...(laughing) I remember these moments
& at times I know you do too.. I know you still feel my hands in yours...I know...nothing. I can't think this through...
I know when I breath this cold air, my lungs start to freeze, but how can you convince a scared mind to tell the heart to truly see what it wants to see? Me. I know when I look up at the stars, my heart starts to beat..I knew when I heard the door open...that was you ready to leave.
I have to stop! I have to take my palms and close them into non aggressive fist, I have to stop holdin on to hope and let go of this. You told me my words were magic..Yet, I can't form a sentence to convince you of our old bliss..

(Closed eyes flashback)
"please! don't! Don't give me one last kiss."* *Sadly I remember this.

The horror of the knife digging deep inside me, the scar I forever walk with.
I can't live like this! and continue to survive on your leftover venom, your seduction through your captivating eyes, your temptation from the shape of your denim.

**Soaked spots on the page,I know my days may get better..I just hope one day this gets to your heart, my eventually heals, I just hope you get this letter.

It was so easy
When we were alone

The lights would lie
Like bright shadows
Stained pink
At the horizon
Heavy in the sky

You would hold me
To you
Watching my thoughts
Flicker
While I would feel your heart beat
Behind me
Slow

When you spoke
You read
Of a fairy tale
With the only ending
We could imagine
Happy
It was what we had been taught

We were happy alone
You were happy with me
I was sad with you
But they cancelled each other out
A little bit
Scraped apart
It made us
It made us
Who we were

When we were alone
You had me
Almost all of me
Convinced that there were only two to a world

There are not
There is a much greater number
One

Fields of music
And caverns of light,
Fill me with
A void of night.