broken church
sins drowning veins
breathe like silence won’t pull you down
torn dignity spinning you away

                        your body isn’t love

children inhale battered minds
like it’s an inhaler
but it won’t save them
it won’t pull these waves
from my flesh
and stop my little lips
from smiling at death

I dream of your sweat
when we’re entangled

but your thoughts are vile
and my bones don’t need you
filthy
bloodied
broken churches

*-lf-

After I speak of you,
my throat burns for days

*-lf-

It’s funny that as a writer I trust actions more than words - perhaps it’s because I know they’re used with manipulative intention - they’re meant to bury truth, hide it with sugar-coated, superfluous syntax.
*-lf-

Happiness --
it is both a crime and a blessing.
My poetic eloquence fails me
when it seeps into my veins.

I want nothing more than to be
happy
but even more than that, I want
to write again.

Her skull;
sallow and broken -
full of decay
ruined beyond repair.

*-lf-

We have buried the (((center))) of our being in layers of rigid hypotheticals,
pouring the cement of impossibility and refusing to drill deeper for
fear of an oil spill, an explosion, the expulsion of a dormant soul.

[If we]
[[If you]]
[[[If I]]]

The taste of a silent stroke on my tongue,
iron from the blood of unhealed wounds.
Metallic memories refusing to be forgotten
fighting to be remembered.

[You fools]
[[You fool]]
[[[I am a fool]]]

The scent of a carcass creeps into my nose,
rotten flesh from a casket broken up.
Frankenstein fears refusing to be mocked,
fighting for resurrection.

Even the bones of ancient species remerge as fossils to be found.

*-lf-

Your words are hollow
But your eyes fill the void.
*-lf-

The anger rushes through my blood like *******,
After all this pain,
Hearing your voice will never be the same.
It courses through me, calm and collected
I try to be, I try to be.
Breathing air like I will never be given oxygen again
And you smile, but I reciprocate with one of pain.
My heart hardens into a stone,
Putting the final brick on this wall that I have built
This wall that blocks emotion; the soul you killed.
The anguish that has tormented me for so long has surfaced,
All neatly packaged into this situation I cannot escape.
And try as I might I can't erase the image of your face.
That smirk that shapes your lips, painted by Deceit
As I stare back my eyes reflect the fury lying beneath
The rage, that has been held back for far too long,
Eager to burst through my veins,
Like a dove waiting to break out into song.
Thoughts of retaliation burn holes in my mind,
Leaving all thoughts of understanding behind
Lies, they dribble through your lips like fine wine.
Blood red and ever so bitter with your insecurities.
The insecurities that are being heaved onto my back
You ****** them against me, trying to make up for what you lack.
But I’m fading; I’m a passing fog that once carried the Sun
And when you finally notice its beauty, I will be long gone.
*-lf-

I hope that no matter what, I will forever have ink stains on my fingers, and pencil smudges on my wrists
*-lf-

And he said:
"Darling,
you are beautiful;
darling, don't be sad."
And even though
he didn't last,
he gave me back
the life
I never had.

*-lf-

This isn’t a poem about the way your fingers intertwine with mine
Because they’ve never been entangled with another set of hands.
This isn’t a line of prose about your soft lips on my calloused, tired skin
Because only the wind has caressed my body
This isn’t a work of art confessing little sweet nothings that you whisper in my ear
Because the sound of my pen on paper are the only whispers that I hear
This isn’t an elegant post-modern work about the way you wipe away my tears
Because my tears blend into my cheeks, become a part of who I am, moulded into my soul
This isn’t a ******* poem about you,
Because there’s only ever been
Me.
*-lf-

you can still feel
lifeless
with a pulse and
heartbeat
*-lf-

She swings upon her crooked pendulum,
her eyes burning with a scarlet fire.
Her white dress cannot mask what I know to be
her deepest and darkest desire.


*-lf-

I want to learn to live again.
Someone teach me how to breathe again.
Inhale, exhale, slow.
No more, no more.
I am not strong.
I cannot hold on.
Much longer.
I want to learn to to feel again.
Someone teach my blood to flow.
Hollow eyes, easy demise.
Going down, going down.
Take my kingdom, take my crown.
Take my head, spin it round.
Smile, smile, they’re looking at you
They’re watching your eyes
They’re watching your moves.
Don’t flinch, don’t break
How much can you take?
You fake, you fake.
Fake.
Fake.
My life is nothing
Withering flower
In a fragile state
*-lf-

There's a history of hearing voices
in my bloodline.
And yet I forget what yours sounds like.

I tell myself that it's
better that way.

I'm safe.

I'm safe.


*-lf-

Fantasy swirls --
taking over my mind.
I see desire caressing my small silhouette,
except I’m no longer so
s m a l l
I’m larger than life --
larger than the hands of the men
that push me into the earth.

The dreams of my desire grow like moss
all over the stinging thorns of reality.
Circuitry constructs happier versions
of the sad souls that I know --  
the dullness that fills my day with black and white
At night,
my mind comes alive with technicolor brilliance.
But I’m afraid I’m aging in front of desire--
laying myself naked, body wrinkled and deteriorating
in front of dreams that cannot be sparked.
And no matter how hard I try
to ignite reality,
my fantasies have used up all my oxygen, and factuality
has choked itself to death.

*-lf-

You're crushing my bones
with the weight of your tongue.
*-lf-

I envy the feathers,

I envy the sea.

I envy the world,

for the world is not

me.

*-lf-

I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I’m sorry that you can’t
Love me.
I’m so hard to swallow
My words are lined with glass shards
My voice is never airy
I’m just a jumbled mess
And I’m sorry
I’m sorry I’m not put together
I’m sorry that I can’t let go
I want to
I’m sorry I won’t break down these walls
But it’s gonna take more than an axe
I’ve already tried that
I’ve tried everything
But I’m trapped
And I’m sorry you can’t love me
I can’t even love myself

*-lf-

My aunt had a yellow Volkswagen Beetle
As bright as her hair, as fierce as her mind
With a sharp tongue, she left every man behind
She thought she could change him
But
My aunt is the one bearing the scars.
*-lf-