One day, and we've all got this coming
the blood oop didn't expect this sudden
drip through the nose caught in the mirror
surprise tentative touch yes this is it

The clutching of the temple
the towels, don't make a mess
the mutterings, don't have time for this
the whispers, please not now but when
is this the right time, and the panic
the panic now worse than the drip

And who can you call, starting to slide
if you could even call, as you slide

You put your hand in the bag for a book
               and you pull out a rock
put your hand in the bag for some gum
             you pick up a stone
Your fingers clutch for cash
             and they rub against pebbles
your fingers scrabble for keys
             they grab up some gravel

You put your hand in your pocket for a rock
             and you pull out a book
put your hand in the sack for some cash
             you find it full of pebbles

Your fingers search for the stash
             they get glued up with gum
your tongue waggles for the keys
             you taste the gravel

But one vision I could endorse
is the scene early in 28 Days Later
when Jim leaves the hospital and
walks across Westminster Bridge into
a deserted London at sunrise
as Godspeed You Black Emperor play

Finally I'd be the rightful
Emperor of London
raid supermarkets, steal cars
(it's not really stealing any more)
until, as the rest of the film
inevitably points out

You'd have to deal with
the dead
the undead
the rats and
the loneliness

Although I've been preparing
for that
my whole life

F♯ A♯ ∞

From the highest level of our exclusive resort
there was a ladder you could climb down
not even slightly dangerous I'm sure
to reach excuse me the private beach

Where we'd witnessed horses frolicking in the surf
it seemed too idyllic for the likes of us and yet
here we are clumping down the aluminium rungs
onto the sand, hand in hand

Exploring this pristine zone, silent
and majestic, we come across the
bloated corpse of a puffer fish who
we name in our glory/ignorance

Puffing Billy, and whose graphic icon is now
recognised as the figurehead
of our globally successful surf clothing and accessories range
including wetsuits, swimwear and rash guards

When does the film begin
when does the film begin
           I've been waiting so long
          with a bowl of popcorn
When does the film begin

When does the programme start
when does the programme start
         I'm in theatre one
         where the curtains are drawn
When will the programme start

When does the film begin
When does the film begin
        I've turned off my phone
        now I'm sitting alone
When will the film begin

First act!
              Second act!
                                Third act!

When does the programme start
When does the programme start
        Your story's done
         Mine hasn't begun
Oh when will my programme start

But I struggle to say the word c-----
such a clumsy combination of diphthongs
is that right, check it out later

Why not just say syllables and don't
pretend you're some sort of diphthong lord
you like saying diphthong don't you
almost as much as you hate saying c-----
and it's not even the correct term

Also how are you stressing the
con and the dom?
give them equal weight, or go all out on the CON
and then a brief and apologetic dum

        CON CON CON
        dum dum dom

It's a small thing but it popped
into what is left of my mind so
I just had to share it

While we're on the subject, there
is a four letter word beginning with F
that I also can't bear to say
    - he's so refined, like some
    Downton Abbey yourladyship
and it isn't even f---

I ordered a blazing Bordellino and mescal
what's that you say, why it's an alcoholic drink made with the
fruit of a wild tree, typically flavored with orange peel

I was sat next to a Pilator
that's a person who guides someone or something
this guy was the father figure of political science
it's not the same as a mentor, no
his name was Mitchell, and Mitchell was his name

His wife was an Amarrat
in case you are not aware, that's a
woman who is an Honorary Dame, ranked above a
Privy Council or Baroness
Martha was her name, and her name was Martha

I must admit they both had
something of the Snarper about them
Pilators and Amarrats tend toward the snobbish

While sipping our Bordellinos we were offered
some Compugns which, I'm sure you know, are
small edible drums with antennae
found in tropical and subtropical regions

This alarming snack was followed by a
hearty slab of Terraea, the Argentine cheese
which derives from dried sambalaya

Mitchell and Martha, their mouths masticating the Terraea,
confided in me that they were Paulpaul quartees.
That was their Snarperish way of confessing
they had a keen interest in wine

They longed to impart all they knew
as part of their Praecological - 'it's more
than merely educational' - mission. Indeed they
insisted on being known as world class
Praecologicalists, even when they
were cross-eyed on Bordellinos and frothing with Terraea