I filled the bathtub with tears last night
I'm not getting over this
(yes I am)
Is it possible to miss someone so much you're torn apart
(many can attest)
Why does my love always end up with the broken?
Why am I always drawn to the lost
(I'm searching for something imperfect)
I know the cost
(and pay I will)
I filled the bathtub with tears last night
Cause I just want the cycle to end
(no more emotions)
My life has no meaning
And I can't give it any, but you can
And I've never been good at leaving but I should be
You do it best and it's in your title to resign
(cause forever is a lie)
So tonight my friend I am filling the tub with tears for you
(which is unavailing)
And I cried too much last night
(won't ever do that again)
I don't ever want to feel again
(cause to feel is real and it's useless)
My brain is so sick
(I cannot find solace)
The problem is like fog
Hard to see through and thick
Just keep on crying about a mess that's not meant to be clean
Don't repeat the same mistakes
(i'll end up alone)
Life was always a dream
Just not the sweet kind
The kind where your tears overflow
(my heart was meant to be forlorn)
And you drown in your own sorrow
(despair my home)

I can't flee from you
Feel free from you
Cutting up my knees
Frolicking through the trees
A grin crossed my face
I pirouetted with the sun
I appreciated the iota of things
I realized that to me beautiful was broken
I was a token of a messy art
I realized I was too fragile to remove the dart from my heart
It poisons me and the demons are raging
Plunged in mind
They'll only dream leaving me
I'm in a nightmare you call life
I call myself a ghost cause I've been drained of strength
I'm like noodles being strained
I told myself I'd try to be happy
But all I feel is pain
Tailspin met a whirlpool
The whirlpool met a bigger storm
The storm met the ocean
And I was borne

You hurt me
Now you are slipping away
and i'm not blocking your way...
let me bleed
Yeah I'll scream but only for you to remember me
I'm dreading the entire thing
But as dawn turns to dusk
I look to you
And all I see is hollow snow
I'm looking for you but I'm alone
The fortress made me a wanderess
And I can't seem to see
Through the blizzards breeze
You won't choose me
You dummy you're going to leave
Guess it's for the best
I'm just a poisonous peach
I think you've had enough to eat

Nothing will make the pain go away
I think it's time to move on
Yeah me too
Let's write a poem
Will do
It should be about the internal
What's going on inside?
Tell me what's in your head?
I don't know, there is a storm where everything is red
A storm?
Yeah it's made of sand and it twirls around
Like pretty sparkles on the ground?
No, it swirls and swirls all around me ...
And?
And it doesn't end you think it's fine but you don't understand
That sand is everything I've tried to avoid
Is the sand the void?
A void is not full and this is an occupied place
How so?
It fills me
Then how do you breathe?
I don't breathe I choke and I heave
Gasping for air?
The sand of despair?
Then an army appears
The ones that fight for hope?
The ones that watch me burn in smoke
This imagery is swallowing me
Yep so I keep on thinking I'll keep it to myself
People get tired of sadness wether from within or someone else
The army of bandits whispers beautiful things
But there must be treason set in place
Well of course what other way could it be
Your mind would never be complete without the demons guiding
The red sand blows and as you lie on the ground
The General takes his gun in his hand
He presses the barrel to my head
I think he will pull the trigger
I'll be dead?
Think of all the ****** red
As he squeezes the handle the pressure builds up
I ****** it away and do it myself
But nothing comes out
Over and over again in a never ending cycle I relive this
The death of hope
You let it all go and nothing happens
What's my reason to live?
The fear that consumes me and makes me paranoid like this
My mind is starving and soon I'll become bones
I lie about my mental state and everyone knows
I'm not in denial I know I need help
What prevents me from getting it?
The denial of someone else
The General who held the gun to my head
He said
"Though you think you are weak,
You are nothing near, and your disposition will change
I will place you in a new condition and I won't stop
Until the uncertainty makes your own hand attempt
To **** you again
And then you will know
Nothing ever truly dies
And the tears won't help
But you may still cry
And I think we both know that if you were truly weak
Your hopefulness would never plead
And you wouldn't be here living with me
Cause the bullet would fall through
In full head on collision with you"

It's 2am and I'm still awake
I'm starting to think
Broken hearts don't sleep

I can't sleep because my mind is racing with stupidity
Figuring out the complicated just to forget about it in the morning
But I can't sleep
The weakness always gets the best of me
because I'm strong yet my will to fight is gone
So even if I did, no effort would be put in and although I feel nothing now
I still think of him
1st love is always a mess
The condition I was in seemed correct
If only I remembered the first time we'd played connect
How he hurt me
The 1st time was just pain
The 2sd time I forced myself to cry even though deep inside I didn't care
I knew one day he wouldn't be there
As long as I repaid my smile
It'd be worth the while but no I just had to fall head over heels
Losing my focus which was the hills
Now nothing is the same
Because he made me realize failing to climb the hill hurts
But when you do reach the top don't let anything let you drop
Feeling accomplished and whole
Now I'm just alone
Although I found a new thing
The ending is always the same
I care but I don't
I say I will but I won't
What a waste of time
It's myself I despise
But I feel no guilt when
I fool everyone with lies