coincidence
          is just another word
for doubt

                          every letter was
      carefully placed upon the pages
to shake something


                         so don't worry about
               how the plot will twist
      write the character.

i don't believe in luck
(or god, or love, or you.)
i believe only what i feel,
and every day that's something new.
they refuse to use my lighter
because it's white (so very white)
all i have to say is,
does it matter -- the source of light?

first came the warnings.

"maybe you shouldn't..."

then, sloppy reassurances that you were fine...

...that we were fine.

then, swerving in and out of lanes--

just like neither of us could make up our minds.

bright lights invaded your eyes,

and that's exactly how it felt when i learned the truth...

it hit me.

and -- inevitably --

*we crashed.

Over two hundred
unread posts
by the pens I love the most;
where to begin?
Perhaps not at all?

May the cowards' way out
be ne'er known
to the readers
of these, my poems.

In Love's name
be they attempted
but by Love's name
be they hitherto
unread.

So grateful
am I;
are we;
for the words
of those
who seem to be
worlds away:
they, who share
the same words,
the same air,
the same Earth
as I;
I;
who am not
those I idolize
(if any)
;

A problem?
Nea;
a blessing
hitherto
disguised.

you only needed two more.
just a couple and you'd be alright
three more because its been a long day
take six with you;
you'll save the rest for later
or finish them off before 2pm

...47, 48, 49, 50.
i counted them all
so very proud of you
we were going to do it this time

but i was gone
and you were desperate
telling yourself, "this is the last time."

next time i pick up the bottle
it looks different than before
i count out six
ignore the obvious again

and we will try again
and we will do better
and we will starve your beast
until it shrivels away inside of you
because you're my daddy
and addiction can't have you