Before July...
I had not lost part of myself /I had not been robbed yet
I had not been damaged yet
I was not waking up each morning with tears in my eyes
I had not been cut up/torn up yet
by not just you, and -- you, and you --
but him, and -- him, and him --
On top of the others, in July.
It wasn't until August
then it became - them.
There were four of them that came to my door
I did not have bruises on my body yet
I am trying to paste all the pumpkin colored leaves back onto my trees
I've raked them into golden piles
in my mind I rewind the leaves back onto the branches
it looks like a film moving backwards
I want to rewind my life --
back to July,
before, August --
before the tears.

He said he's proud of me from up above
Yeah --he's so happy that I know true love
and that I'll never let myself be hurt again
by all the Jim's and Steve's
who hid all their hurt up inside their sleeves
Oh, My Father -Oh My Father
can you hear me from up above?
someone said you could hear my music--
yeah, that you could see
that you are floating around me now
you hear my music
you've memorized my music
and you sing with me right now...

You wrapped your sweet sound
your sweet sound all around me
oh it was my sweet sound around me --
Oh, I heard you -- I heard you --- "Baby, you just sleep
your Daddy's here -
please baby don't cry/ please don't weep
I promise / I promise
I'll see you in a week

Oh Father - Oh Father -
I sing to you all the time
I remember every rhyme...
can't you make it like it was
like it was with you n' mommy
with you, and mommy
the very, very --- last -- last -- time
you said.. I will come around
I sing to you on rainy days
I sing to you because it seems..
that's when I see the bright
sunshine rays...

I feel your spirit with me ---
each and every day.

She wants to fade to black/yeah, her life has finally jumped the tracks
and there's no way to turn it back she can barely breathe/ yeah, she can barely see any kind of future/ let alone with me
I'm on the road with the band n' I can feel her slipping through my hands
I can see she's in so much pain with the hours that remain/Oh, but she's so beautiful when she smiles/her laughter echo's like a child

She wants to fade to black/yeah, her life has finally jumped the tracks and there's no way to turn it back she can barely breathe/yeah, she can barely see any kind of future/let alone with me

That's when she looks up at me and says,
It might just be my time for that train to swing on by. I might take that last ride to find myself on the other side. There's no way to explain all the pain that remains /ripping up my insides/let me go to the other side/Baby, can't you see/it's like blood you can't see dripping slowly out of me

I sing to her awhile/until she laughs/until she smiles/I'm her music man with angel wings/I won't let her fade to black/I won't let her jump the track.

There are sharks swimming around in this world
bottom dwellers who feed off the floor...
sometimes finding a way though your door
Hating their life as much as they do...
they throw their own **** right upon you ...
don't let them in/don't let them 'round...
their whole goal is to tear you down...
fly like a bird
above their murky sea...
keep your thoughts positive, and in the light...
because they can't touch you ...
while you're in flight.

These enemies that I see are really just all the dark parts of me
darkness, darkness, let me be--
when you gonna realize it's the light I wanna see--
I am gonna **** all my enemies in my sleep
I am gonna drink down their restless souls I've reaped
drink them down drink them down
I'll drink them down into the ground
dry them out dry them out
light the match light the match
light the match and I'll burn you up

(Chorus)
Your blood red darkness drifts up into the sky
with your lies with your lies
with every lie you've ever told me
in my dreams in my dreams
darkness, darkness let me be
when you gonna realize it's the light I wanna see

Yeah, the enemies I see are just all the dark parts of me
so darkness, darkness let me be
I won't let you capture me I won't let you hold me down
I will burn you into the ground
Yeah, I won't let you come around
I am heading toward the light/ yeah I am taking flight
cause I'm tired of your secrets I'm tired of your lies
Yeah, this where we part the our ties
these enemies of mine have made me hide

Yeah, yeah, I am going to set myself free
It's time that you see that you cannot own me--
I am going to save my life
I am going to set myself free--
you can no longer own a part of me---
I am delivering this message in blood red
I chant, I chant, I dance, I dance
Until I put myself in a trance
until I know you're all good n' dead
When you read this message in blood red
you'll be evaporating in my dreams
Yeah, you'll be dead
These enemies that I see
are really just all the dark parts inside of me
I'll be left with something shiny, and new
bright, bright shining white
darkness, darkness, I'm done with you.

It was the last thing you expected but it was the last thing that brought you down
         down
                  down.
It was the last thing you expected but you'd been living on the edge for quite some time n' now you find yourself living on your last
                                                                ­                                            dime
                ­                                                                 ­                                dime
                                                            ­                                                          dime.
A­nd all your guru's, and your saints they're all just a memory that's barely faint n' now you're living a life that feels so unkind/Yeah, you owe the man that owns your time/working through the day with little food n' little pay/

n' you remember when you were young oh, how you laughed oh, how you sung /you never thought you'd end up this way n' that you would have to pay just to breathe in simple air/Yeah - you were taught that life was fair/
when you see how others steal just to score their next big deal
n' you did everything that was right yeah, you gave it your best fight..

It was the last thing to take you down
                                                            ­     down
                                                            ­             down...
Now that you're no longer round they're making a killing off your rings/all your jewelry/books n' things

They've cashed in on everything that you owned/that you ever cherished/they've now sold

They're now the proud owners of all your gold,

What a pity you didn't know before you decided to up n' go.

The haunting of a story
always starts out like this..
you have a dream in the night
and, it wakes your *** on up...
you lay in bed n' toss n' turn
until you finally say..*&^%
I'll just get the hell on up
n' make a huge *** of my lovely ****'n...Starbucks
You pad on out
on cold tile floor
freezing your *ss off
n' you swear the characters are all alive...
n' you can still hear them chatting back n' forth
You watch the Apple pop on up
on your wonderful computer screen...

when suddenly you can't remember
the fade in:
of your freak'n dream
instead the haunting of a story
is now just ******* with your head....
and, now your wishing just like hell
you had stayed in your **** bed.

Just around the corner...
there's a little place called Orange Grove where Alice likes Paul
in room 203, but Paul likes Edna who's 83
n' like little children they bicker n' fight
on Tuesdays when it's poker night
they're no different than younger folks
they still love to smile n' tell good jokes...
it's like they've been put away to die/and, there's so much sadness in their eyes..
when they're sitting all alone, and no one calls them on the phone
They still try to keep their hearts alive ---
sometimes their grandkids come to visit or, stay
but they're on Facebook the whole entire day
they struggle for words n' what to say
A quick goodbye as they wave
Grandma/Grandpa
I don't know when I'll be back this way--

Just around the corner...
there's a little place called Orange Grove
where Joan loves Blake but she's afraid he's on the take
and, he'll break her heart again
like her first husband who's name was Ben
Blake wants to play the field
he's got his eye on a third base deal
he likes Joan cause she cooks his meals ...
but he has the hots for Sally Ford
who lives in apartment 204...

Mrs. Parks used to knit me socks
I could talk to her around the clock...
she was so funny, and so wise
there was such a twinkle in her eyes...

How I miss all those old souls
that I took the time to know...
they used to wander around Orange Grove
while trying to keep their hearts alive
they'd smile with sadness in their eyes
every time I said "Goodbye".

When they say...
your best thinking got you here
run for your life.
90 meetings in 90 days
the goal
to surgically implant all of their meaningless
platitudes into your brain
while the stains left from
sipping crushed grapes are still
wet, and dripping
from your thirsty morally
defective lustful lips
insatiable to the last drop...
run for your life.
The truth may be that
you were trying to quiet
the loud drums inside your mind
that played along
steep and darkened
caverns within your soul
that were carved by sharp knives
making you bleed emotions
so red
you just wanted to calm your passion
that came in storms
flooding you internally
without warning
until it began
sweeping majestically over
snow capped mountains
for a month
touching down briefly
for a week
sometimes less...
picking up speed
dipping down
like a roller coaster
nose first
tormented by gravity
plunging into dark ocean floors
sipping grapes along the way.
When they say...
to abandon your ability to reason
intellectually
dumbing you down so that you
are frightened into questioning
their dogma, and everything
that you know to be true
run for your life.
When any one person
or, group
tells you day after day
you are powerless...
you are defective...
that you must give up
and, surrender
your right
to think for yourself
run for your life.

on ones back
under the stars
on a hill
with you…
smelling the scent of freshly cut grass
gazing at a butterfly fluttering nearby
I would give you daisies and roses

I would love that while feeling….

the way your arms curl around my hips
and the gentle touch of your lips
all over my body.

The haunting of a story
it always starts like this...
You wake up from a dream
in the middle of the night
the images are so **** clear
along with dialogue you hear...
You swear these ******* characters
are laying in your bed...
instead of ******* up
your brain inside your head...
Finally you just get on up...
saying, "sheeeit, man" ..
I'm just gonna make myself some Starbucks
The Apple pops up on your Mac...
then the haunting of the story you had...
suddenly fades to black.

I can see how one tragic event
could push a person
to a ledge
when that person
was already teetering
on the very edge
looking down for quite some time
picking up loose dimes
on the street
trying to scrape together
just enough to eat.

They didn't plan on it being this way
they've just been trying to survive one more day
She is your neighbor down the street
in a small town where power has gone to the local Sherrif's heads
A mother of three
out of work so she steals a loaf of bread
while her kids play in polluted dirt
I see how her story could end
she didn't have any friends

Smile at a neighbor today
you might keep them
off the very edge
of a ledge
the gift of hope
while they're at the very end
of their rope
You might be the one person
that keeps them alive
just by smiling...
and, looking into their eyes
*You just might keep them alive

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. She wanted to hide. It was the Wikipedia man. Oh, god how he'd tell her how this band first wrote this song, and then it was developed later. And she just wasn't in the mood for Wikipedia man. The man that never let her get a word in edge wise. It exhausted her. She wanted to lay down and take a nap after she closed the door, and he left, with his cheap coupon chinese food. He meant well of course -- he just wore her out with all his words. She'd rather write them down in solitude by candlelight. With no interruptions. She had enough thoughts running through her head. She found comfort in the quiet. The stillness.

Another thing - it was just that he was always so broke all the time. She'd rather watch "Girls", and eat popcorn -- alone.

I mean, I own a library card. I'm not from -- Kansas. Not that women in Kansas are lame. That's not my point.

I know lots of things. It's just I don't need to hear them from Wikipedia Man.

I'm going to go write a novel now.

Be careful
accept change
keep your balance through all the fires
through all your rain
because nothing ever stays the same
in this life /yeah, in this life
you can always count on the rain
if you're alive, and still breathing
there's no escape/yeah, there's no cheating
it's the one thing about living that remains the same
like gravity
it just exists
you can try to check out/numb up
whatever it is you do to get ****** up
but you can't out run it
it's like the devil
it's just there/it doesn't care
it's laughing at you when you feel like dying
oh man, oh man - I know you're crying --
yeah, it all just kind of snuck up
a careful hunter that's always there
it wants your soul/it wants your breath
it won't be happy until it smells death
now you're gone/yeah, you're gone
Yeah, n' there's no telling for how long

Keep your balance through all the fires
through all your rain
because you'll wake up the next morning
and, everything will be the same
be kind toward the friend inside
and, tell yourself you can get through the fires
you can survive all your rain
you can find peace, and harmony
even in the midst of all your pain
carefully walking through every change.

Find your own way
don't ever let anyone tell you
you're too young
or,  too old
Because I know how strong you are...
I know you're bold
Cause you're my daughter shining bright
you don't have to be told
what to say or do...
you already know inside what is true...
so please don't doubt what you hear...
inside
I know you're not one to run away n' hide...
but she's picking out all your clothes now
pearls n' sweaters in pale pinks n' blues
she's turning you ...
into her
I remember when I was young
it's the way things were...
She did this to me
I hope that you can see
      someday
how I was forced to conform
to be...
I suppose she's making you
the daughter she never had in me...
classical music..
cashmere...
my advice to you my beautiful daughter...
always remember to look in the mirror
Stay you...
my beautiful daughter
Stay true.

These two men from opposite sides were sworn enemy's
when they met eyes
One was filled with regret for the loss that he had left
with tears like rain as he sat, and wept.
The other man looked him in the face telling him he's a complete disgrace, "Sorry won't bring them back from the dead. I wish it could be you instead!"
Both in the room for the same disease that brought these two men to their knees...
Neither one will let go.
Forgiveness is a word they'll never know.

In the darkness of the night
you don't give up for hope that dreams can come true
even when no one believes in you.
When they say you haven't sold
or, that your work is just too old --
you still hang on to a dream that holds
your life in balance at this time
you hang on to your every line
because no one can ever take that away from you
stay strong because you're you
still you keep creating every day
you keep creating in every way.

When I wake from a peaceful slumber
wrapped up next to you
curl my fingers gently
and, tell me that it’s true
that I am yours forever
forever cradle me inside your heart
then whisper you’ll return to me soon.

You made a wish that I would go away
your energy was so dark...
you finally made me leave that day
that's why I slam the doors when I can
Yes, you're the angry soul that put me where I am
today---

I spend my time floating down river streams
and, at night I like to haunt you in your dreams
I like to move things around
while I hum, or sing...
I especially like misplacing your wedding ring
I like to turn the stereo on just for fun...
I always do this while you clean your gun...

I was watching you from above
curious as to what you'd say
when the police came to our front door
n' how you'd explain all the blood on the floor

btw, when I took my last breath ~
I smeared my blood underneath the door...
it's where I wiped my hand
when I was unable to stand...
just before the dimming of the lights...
before I began tumbling
into a cloud of white.

Now I find myself in-between
floating down river streams
and, haunting you at night
I like to do this in your dreams...
I whisper my name into your ears
I'd go away for good if just once...
I could see you shed a single tear.

Twin city upon the moon
can I come up to see you
sometime soon?
Are the stars your lights
And is it bright?
I want to catch
a one way flight
I'll leave tonight
Is there anyone
that looks like me?
I'd love to see
what I'm supposed to be
from up there...
what should I be?

You are born into this world
you had no choice
later you find you have no voice
Your mother has you down as a bad seed
she wants to tug you up like a dead ****

dismissing you like a Queen
1,2,3,4
you're out the door at seventeen
cause when your mama drinks she gets so mean
knock down drag outs
in your face
you feel let down
yes, disgraced.
Now you're running
and, you feel chased.
Ten years later it's the same
pointing fingers
like you're to blame.
It's easier for them to lie this way
they never listen to what you say
anyway...
1,2,3,4
you can't take it anymore
the blame the shame
it's all their game
you're tired n' decided
to change your name.

He whispers in my ear...

What stories will you tell while surviving your bitter cold dark hell
because this year is a carry over from the last
and, darlin' you get to clean up the wreckage from your past ---
It's really hard to be you right now

He whispers in my ear...

I promise to find out how to pull you through a New Year, now---
We'll take one challenge at a time, and darlin,  I'll do anything to ease your mind

Just have a little faith in me n' soon I'll help you through you'll see I'm true /that I'll be right here by your side
to calm all the fears you try so hard to hide
hang on for one more day n' I promise to help light up your path some way

Let me be the hero in your New Year's story n' I promise you be won't be sorry--
Just have a little faith in me n' soon you'll see that I am true--
cause' I'm not like the other guys you've had
the ones that tore you down n' made you sad --

Darlin' let me be your New Year man/the one who wants to help, and understand/just reach out  n' take my hand/
cause -- I wanna be your New Year man.

The dance for you/the dance for me
it can always go this way -- or that way
it's a sort of a wait n' see...
There's always the one who wants to stay
n' there's always the one who wants to go
there's always the girl that's on the run
with the boy that wants to know
there's the boy that wants some fun
with the girl that says she's done
there's the one who likes to chase
with the one that likes the race
there's the boy that's always hiding
with the girl that's always crying...
It's a game of stay or go
neither one ever knows
how the dice will ever roll
the bottom line every time
is love can't be controlled.