do you ever have moments when
you see people who are better than you
whose works move you so much
that the only thing you can do is to
sit in silence and contemplate
and cry

When the most encouraging words fall
from between the lips of those whose friendships are transient
it's pretty **** confusing

When the most hurtful words lash out,
barbs on a tongue from the people who are supposed to love you
you live your world upside down
without even realising

You walk down streets with the signs
written backwards
intentions muddled and hidden from sight

You pace rooms, with windows that stretch
from the ceiling to the floor, doors shorter than a toddler
seeing everything with no way out

Seeing everything that other people have
and you don't
seeing things that could've been so simple
yet too complicated to obtain

Wanting things that aren't yours but could've been

If only everyone put in a little more effort
if only everyone put their pride away
if only everyone could accept that this family
has fallen
a p a r t

and that the time to fix it
has long passed

it's only after you leave
that I start to see you everywhere

I see you in the empty cups
hanging on the stand
I see you in the toothbrush
stiff from neglect
the ukulele you used to play
and the books that you read

I see you in the empty chairs
at the dinner table
I see you in the sunset
that we used to watch together
the ****** TV shows
that you watched and cried over

on hot humid summer days,
I sit and reminisce
what could've been
and what will never be

if this is what it's like to see
I wish it happened sooner
it seems that I was blind
when you were here

and I couldn't help but feel ice slowly gripping my heart
when you said
"i love her more than you,"
and this has been a fact that i've known for eons but
it still hurt to hear it from you

the person we once spent so much time together with
the one with whom we broke off from and
the person who we have now forgiven (or have I?) and
welcomed back amongst our ranks
this calls for a celebration so why
why am I so reluctant to celebrate and why am I so scared?

maybe turn your back
on the glaring light of day
these things could wreck
your mind and make it fray

bile and venom line your lips
a wall you throw up with your tongue
spit it out, make a rip
in the world that stung

how are you?
have you been eating?
have you been feeling alright?

ever since that quiet night you turned your back
a silhouette i will never forget
contact with you has been strained
laced with anger and awkwardness
unspoken accusations that turn the taste
of all your food bitter
no wonder you haven't been eating

i'm so sorry that i wasn't stronger
that i couldn't protect you
i'm sorry for making that promise
that i would never leave you
because like the ******* that you've met before
that day of 1.02am, i happened
to take my leave
slowly slipping into the night
opposite of the direction you took
in seek of the sun
while you, delved deeper into the forest

you look tired
you look tried
you look like you could take a pill or two
don't
don't do it.
you've been strong thus far
don't let it win again.

throw your bottles away
pick up your phone
call him to your side
in the end he's the only one
right now who will be there
for you because i left you
i'm so sorry i left you

war is
behind glass
a silver screen
composed of pixels

war is
in movies
muted bombs,
a silent scream

war is
a newsflash
on twitter,
about a country
far, far away

war is
insignificant
easily dismissed

for us.

but for them,

war is losing everyone they love
war is hiding with bated breath
war is a constant ache in their bellies
war is a bleeding throat
war is not being able to protect
war is breathing dust tinged with dried blood

it's not knowing whether the person in front of them will see tomorrow
it's the feeling of ruin when they see their house go up in smoke
it's the taste of blood when they bite their tongue to stop from screaming

war is praying to be able to see the sun rise again the next day

war is not a silver screen
not pixels dancing
not a link on their newsfeed

war is real.