I want to hold a gun to my head
shooting the monster inside
until it's lying there spilling black blood on the ground.

I want to pull the trigger
over and over again
until it's not moving
not breathing
until there's nothing left but silence.

how can something so beautiful
fall into the hands
of something so evil

a precious rose
meant to be cherished

but then soiled hands began to
pluck the petals off
day after day
night after night

until there was nothing left
but a bare stem
covered in thorns
that bled every night
from the touch of an impure man.

“No” does not exist
“No” has been replaced with “yes”
So, every time I say “no,”
it means “yes”
This is what he told me.

I am not allowed to say “stop”
In our relationship,
“Stop” is not part of my vocabulary
This is what he told me.

“Take off your clothes”
“No”
“What did we talk about?”
“I said No”
He pushes me on the bed
and unbuckles his belt
I try to get up
but he pushes me down again
He grabs my legs
pulling me towards him
“Please stop” I whisper,
He puts his hands around my throat
I can’t breathe
“If you say the word ‘stop’ again,
I will **** you.”
I close my eyes
because I knew he wouldn’t stop.
Not until he was finished.
I lay in silence,
tears running down my face.

When he climbs on top of me
I’m silenced.
Fearing if I fight
he’ll hurt me worse.
I can smell the alcohol
on his breath as he says,
“I love you,”
He puts his hands
under my shirt
and asks, “do you love me?”
I don’t reply
He puts his hand around my throat
“I said, do you love me?”
I whisper “yes”
because my life is in his hands
He says, “your body is mine, and it belongs to me”
At the sound of his zipper
my heart sinks
I know what’s about to happen
I beg him to stop,
That if he truly loves me,
He wouldn’t do this
But my words don’t mean a thing.
I try to push him off me
but he pins me down
He rips off my clothes
and I lay there as helpless as a mouse
trapped in an eagle’s grasp
With tears streaming down my face
I cry, “please stop, please stop, please stop”
But my cries go unnoticed
He spits on his hand
and forces himself inside me
I stop fighting
because I know
what’s done is done
I stare at the empty ***** bottles on the shelf
as he penetrates my body, my mind, my spirit.

She closes her eyes,
One cut leads to another.

The pain feels so good,
It is almost addicting.

She can't stop,
Not until she can finally breathe.

Her tears turn red,
Falling to the ground.

Nothing can heal,
What she's already done.

She opens her eyes,
Her skin is bright red.

The scars will be ugly,
They'll never fade.

One last cut,
And then she'll be done.

Her breathing becomes labored,
Blood seeps through the cut.

She's gone too deep,
and for what?