The night is icky cold and skies are black
With hopeless matters filling up my skull.
The thoughts are mine alone. I can’t turn back.
The ride is fast and slow and wild and dull.

My heart stops beating by the thought of you.
I miss the way you made me feel so numb.
Alive, for sure, as well as slightly blue
But well and wild and free and young and dumb.

Yet, no more than a call away from me
I still want you to stay right where you should.
Without you, I can fly, can swim a sea.
I probably won’t, but I surely could.

So then I see a sudden ray of light.
And now I know that all will be alright.

I'm trying to figure out
How to spell the scare
That roots in my heart
And leaves me bare

I'd spell out your name
But it's not quite it
I'm not scared of you
I could take the hit

I could spell out your lies
Of your "I love you"s
Or spell out the names
Of the drugs you took

I could sing all the songs
About you and I
That leave me crumbling
All alone at night

But what scares me most
What I could never tell
Is how the ring still fits
Oh, so well

So I think, instead
Just to keep my pride
I'll spell out the name
That's written inside

C-A-R-O-L-I-N-E

I'd really love to say
I'd gotten over you
But some nights still
Leave me all blue

I should
Write
Because art
Is another way
Of screaming and

I want
To cry
Because winter
Is closing in
On my whole being

I can't
Stop
The time
Is moving on
Without me

I miss
The love
Not even she
Is close enough
To the memory

I am
Freezing
And it's dark
Is there time or
Is it an illusion?

I think
I'm trying
But my motivation
Is gone and
I'm going with

I try
To not
Disappear completely
Is there a choice?
Another way out?

I fade
And lose
My mind
I'm not a fighter
I can't even rhyme

I drink
I think
I should
I doubt
I am but
I will go and
I will

I will

It just feels like I'm breaking my heart
Again and again and again
But I don't know how to stop

It just feels like I'm falling in love
Again and again and again
But I don't know how to hate

It just feels like I miss you again
And again and again and again
But I don't know how to forget

It just feels like I'm losing my mind
Again and again and again
But you're gone, you're a ****, you ****** up
So *******, I love you
Again and again and forever

Most days are fine
Or as okay as they can be
I don't care much
Or I just don't think at all

But some nights
When I'm alone
These thoughts come racing by
And the restlessness comes back

Like a reminder of old days
Of darkness and confusion
Sadness and then numbs
With a blade inside my palm

I don't know why
But I do know how
Like a blender in my stomach
And a noose around my heart

Like a race inside my head
That will never stop
And a swirl behind my eyes
Though I'll never cry

I guess I'll have to cope
And learn to just get by
My spirit is mile high
And my head is in the skies

The worst is over

I hate your hair
I hate your laugh
I hate your voice
I hate your cough

I hate your questions
I hate your answers
I hate your choices
I hate your glances

I hate the way you lie
I hate the way you drink
I hate the way you smell
I hate the way you think

I hate your false assumptions
I hate your seeking attention
I hate your lack of empathy
I hate your misapprehention

I hate you for killing those kittens
I hate you for ****** your girlfriend
I hate you for hitting your sister
It needs to ******* end

I just think you should go
I don't even care to where
Just get far away
And let us all out of this fear

I just ******* love you
But I don't know how to tell
Words don't seem to work

I call myself a writer
But sentences get stumbled
And stories are even worse

I wanna write and write
About the beauty you posess
And the way you light my day

Maybe then you'd see
How much you are worth
And that all will be okay

But even though I try
The way my words can sound
Will never be alright

They can never ever
Be as beautiful as you
Or even half as bright

'Cause the sun is in your eyes
And my words are only stars
Lost in galaxies of mess

And your lips are made of silk
But my own get tagled up
With all these words I can't confess

Terror truly terrible
Homesickness haunting the homeless
Fear fighting forward
Shaking, sickening sadness

My body is out of balance
My mind is even madder
My heart is hauling with horror
Even the echo can't explain

Fight, fight, fight
Stay, stay, stay
Run, run, run
Away, away, away

My veins are inside-out
Blood's not of importance
All this slicing doubt
With the metal in accordance

Things are out of hand
I'm all washed up in red
Too lost to understand
I might at well be...

"Miss? Can you hear me?"

He said my luck was with me
But would he mind to ascertain
He would find, the things, I see
Would make most people go insane

I have lied a lot
But believe me when I say
This is the first time
I ever lie your way

I trust you
I love you
I need you

I have lied a lot
Never one for you
But maybe just this time
Is the start of something new

There's a woman in the mirror
There's a child inside my heart
I wanna scream out my misery
I wanna rip it all apart

So here I am crying
For my home fell to the ground
Though the house is still standing
The heart is nowhere to be found