as life blows by,
we're told to
grab hold
of every moment;
seize it;
soak it in;
but as we
fall from this cliff,
though we
give it our all,
these hooks we hold
merely scratch the wall;
so as I drop,
I wonder instead:
when will I wake up?
where will I be?
and these
dear faces
I glimpse
as I fly by,
will they awaken next to me?

Suicide was her seventh grade kiss that didn't let go when she did.

Suicide was the brightest star in the sky. Every night she would pick it out among the rest.

Suicide was the white around her eyes. You saw it when you looked at her, but it never stood out to you

Until her iris turned black.

I sit here
Crushed by loneliness
Wishing for conversation
Something
Because I seem to be
The only person
Who doesn't have something
To do on this
Cold Sunday afternoon
It is paradoxical
'Cause when I have
A person to talk to
I often wish for them to stop
I am not content either way
I want to walk away
From everything
But I have responsibilities
And it is too cold
So I will just sit here
and be lonely

I now realize the best way to express my love for someone is to release them into the wild
free to become what they wish
encouraging them along their path
as a sister or a brother
how absurd to think
I used to want to control everything
driven by envy or fear
always blocking the light
from reaching my eyes
denying my true self
in a perpetual tailspin
with shovel in hand
digging holes for no reason
reluctant to grow
wings of my own
I now realize the best way to express my love for someone is to forgive them
even if they meant me harm
learning to love without conditions
is the sweetest release of all

I spoke those words, and
immediately almost choked on them
I always second guess decisions,
usually I conclude I made the wrong one

but with you it felt right, at first
now I'm only left with doubts, and the thought
that maybe it was all too soon
because there's only silence between us

you rarely open up to me
yet when you do, I feel loved
the moment is always fleeting
with you, it's  either feast or famine

now I am scared to death to even talk to you
I'm scared that I might've lost you
scared of what you'll say, or not say
when all I really want to know is...

do you feel the same way about me?