I told you I wanted to die...
You immediately said no...
Didn't ask why... Just a no...
Why so direct, no hesitation?
You surely don't actually like me... Like I like you...
Maybe I've been living in an illusion...
I'm getting anxious...
I'm crumbling, I don't think you've noticed,
I'm distancing myself again, pushing away...
I'm getting bad again, I don't know what is worse...
You ignoring me, or me pushing you away (everyone away)...
I'm a wreck, a lost cause, maybe you should give up on me...
I would if I where you... I'm not worth it... Trust me... Please?

I'm

so

tired

...

People say, "If you don't want the world to know don't tell it."
But when my tears are flowing like a rushing fall.
When my heart is really about to stop beating
When I just can't move because all my thoughts have been taken
I can't just hold it all in.
I can't pretend I never lost in the war of man and woman
I can't pretend I'm not frail and useless now to him.
I can't pretend I ever was his.
Yet I try to.
I try to tell the world of these feelings
that all they will do is sympathize with words such as, "Poor thing. I feel sorry for you."
They will never get it.
They will never understand the pain I go through
I went through to write a single poem.
To feel so broken and be told not to tell the world
The world must be a really ***** place, to spread about a girl who just was scared
The world must be a heartless black pit that ***** you in.
That makes you so sad you could hardly say a word.
While you clench your hair and hold in the scream
that you realize you wouldn't be able to let out anyhow.
And when you press enter you know it
You know the whole world is passing around your true thoughts
like they are some kind of virus
Would the whispers of your life stop.
No.
They would just become louder
More and more whispers
you would clench your teeth and just...cry...
A new phobia has been awakened
and your heart has become colder than it once was.
It might have been worse if you just held it in.
It might have crushed you inside
This may have been better
Maybe...
Maybe it was better but, maybe...it just became worst

What I say: I'm not hurting myself because you don't love me. I'm hurting myself because I hate me.
What I mean**: Please come back and love me so I can stop hurting myself.