there's a sea of people, who have lost their humanity
and they are swimming fast, in the same direction
and they all know my name
and they are all just like me
there are so many mistakes to make
lessons to learn
cigarettes to smoke (or in your case, not)
youth
sweet, sweet dancing youth
an effervescent girl battling the monsters of self-(expression, understanding, and love too)
fraudulence
there's a truth behind the lies
once we find it, we will never have to grow up

bubbles and sweat are flirting again tonight, as I try to wash away the way your knees knock together when you drive
and how you never take your eyes off the trees
it's only been ten minutes and I've lost myself in the thought of the lines around your smile

remember the time that we had 365 days of spring and you learned how to braid my hair
yeah that was like the best year of my life
everyday was an adventure
the waters draining but oh boy you're still here, calling me honey
mushaboom memories and yep, his sister looks just like him

we love in everyday gestures:
my favorite candle and your slippers, Father John Misty, a hand-written note, and 700 pages of pure magic
out of the many things i over-analyze, it's none of these simple loves, my dear

-- on hearing bad news, feeling unloved, and encountering other situations that throw you for a loop

from now on I'll choose to be happy and I won't regret a thing
it'll be like cold toes in the shade and the size of your handwriting (love-hate)
we'll kiss and kiss and yes once more
now I'm twirling around you with dancing grass while you sing me words of today
don't forget that we can't bring yesterday or tomorrow with us

from now on I'll choose to be happy and I won't regret a thing
even if dinner makes my belly poke out further than I want
and I don't think your mom likes me too much
I'll remember that He calls us Beloved and there's nothing wrong with feeling out of control every now and then

from now on I'll choose to be happy and I won't regret a thing
I'll tell you I have a secret that slips in and out of my ribcage
and you'll squint your eyes as if sunbeams are leaking from my mouth
now i know what it's like to be bold and trust me I'll hold onto this day forever

from now on I'll choose to be happy and I won't regret a thing because I have so many reasons to laugh with snorts and sing too loud and click my heels together

I'll move mountains every morning and make this army of anxiety march right out of my throat

one bad day doesn't make this a bad life

before you make another rash decision
(before my heart falls right out of my toes)

think about the night you showed up on my doorstep
wrapped up in your oh my god i need you's
eyes big and bloodshot and my heart on your tongue

i’m a believer in the past
but my lungs shouldn't breathe out nostalgia, rather than carbon dioxide
I've killed too many plants and frankly I'm starting to die myself

check your winter coat pockets and make sure
that tucked away with your peppermint wrappers and crumpled parking passes
there aren't any memories too good to forget
(I couldn't forget you if I tried)

i bet if i went through your shelves i’d find
my ponytail holders and Burt’s bees kisses and words that read
“we loved each other before we even knew we did”

so lets stop the running and the faking and the decision making
lets just be

you're breathing in and out while I think of all the ways you've made me feel beautiful again
please keep mumbling that promise
you know the one where you say you'll be my strong oak? only if I'll cover the room with the flower petals from so many moons ago?
little pieces of me sprinkled on your wooden floors, remnants of our creaky love
(maybe I'm supposed to be your giving tree)
let’s just lay here and lay here and lay here
till our rings are too many to count

on second thought, let's intertwine our roots
become twisted in these sheets, immovable from this bed
grip the headboard and tell me you love me just a little bit harder this time
we don't need the sun today and we sure don't need the rain
(we've had enough of that haven't we?)
instead of withering away like everyone else we know
we’ve started to grow
there’s a garden blooming from these floorboards

come here and feed me words that will make me feel full again. i know your eyelids barely open in the mornings and it’s hard to understand me sometimes but please get up and stop my shivering. this silence is sickening. the overwhelming absence of everything we’ve known is drowning me. you know i need the noise and i need your secondhand singing and your father’s old tie with the marks that even your mother’s bleach couldn’t remove. distract me from the stains within myself. i worry too much; the moon’s pulse quickens at my glance. even she doesn’t glow in the same way anymore. if i stop pouring myself out for you maybe i won’t feel so empty.

its not that I'm not strong. its the time you held me still and promised you'd let me live this life, that you didn't have be my happiness. for next two months, i didn't shed a single tear. but then i watched you drift away and not want to come back. and trust me I've wanted to get going too, but theres something about this oblivion that binds us together, keeps us wanting more. theres consistence in our shaky love. i am no wolf. my teeth do not gnash but i’ll howl at my own demons until the moon fades away (yours too, honey). you’re a rose growing from my bloodstream and we both know it. only i cant just see through the good i do for you. i cant forget that you’re under my spell and I've looked Jesus in the eyes and promised Him I wont let this go. not this time. its that we do need each other. its that i need you. i couldn't tell you whether that makes me weak or not… but sometimes i do feel strong.