There’s a heavy weight upon my chest. I struggle now to breathe.
I’m deep inside this hole and I really can’t believe
that I find myself in this dark place. It's because of you I’m here.
You left this life, abandoned me, its loneliness I fear.
I’m drowning in self-pity and can see there’s no way out
of this dark, oppressive mood and I know without a doubt
that if you were here you’d help me scramble out into the light.
But I’m here alone without you so I’ve given up the fight.
People often try to help me, offer arms to pull me free.
The cliches come in floods and are meant to comfort me.
‘Be strong, you’ll get through this’ and ‘be kind to yourself’ they say,
but they don’t understand that each night I sit and pray
that I find an easy exit of the painful life I lead.
Without you here beside me, I just know I can’t succeed.
I’m trapped inside my grief and have tried to scramble out.
Occasionally I see daylight, ‘help me’ I want to shout.
But the pressure building in my head pushes me back down.
I’m struggling to breathe now and fear I’m going to drown.
I’ve been here for so long now that its almost comforting,
just to wallow in this darkness and give up the struggling.
Part of me would like to think there’s a life outside this dread.
A small flicker of hope of another life where I can think ahead.
It seems so doubtful though and my heart just won’t accept
that there is a world outside - some hope where I detect
that although the climb seems scary and is way beyond my reach.
I can try to shrug the darkness off that clings to me like a leach.
Step-by-step I think I’m moving.....going forwards and not back.
I’m inching nearer to the top, I’m now on the right track.
My brain is trying to tell me that ahead it sees a light.
Suddenly it hits me - I don’t want to lose this fight.
You wouldn’t want me in this place. ‘I’m free’ I want to shout.
So just for you (and only you) I now can say ‘I’m out’.