When I was younger,
I thought that my love life as a teenager would be fleeting.

I imagined it to be like the wind;
Something that could be felt,
but not seen.
And something that never stayed for too long.

I thought that I would date
Boys with tattoos and piercings
Boys in bands
Boys with skateboards
Boys who smoked
Boys who drank
Boys who partied

Boys who would probably treat me like ****
but it wouldn't matter because they would make me feel alive.

I never thought that my teenage love would be something like this;
Something real
Something permanent
Something deep
Something personal
Something attached
Something loving
Something scary

I never wanted to put myself in a situation in which I could get hurt.
But I did anyway.

When I met him
I decided that it was worth it
I decided that he was all I wanted
I decided that it would be useless to waste time with someone else
I decided that he was my person
I decided that I could trust him
I decided that I should go against all I wanted in a teenage relationship
Because being with him was worth any pain that it caused me.

I decided that he was mine and I was his.
Forever.

And I realized that I didn't want anything else.

I'm sorry
That you're sorry
You're just so unapologetic,
Why can't you see that I'm being romantic.
Now
Stop.
Listen,
I'm full of insecurities
But nothing you can do will cure me of this disease.
And I'm sorry
That you're sorry
I bring this on myself,
Leave me alone, like a book on a shelf.
I'll,
Collect some dust,
and watch you from afar
Maybe one day
Someone will see me for more than they are.

Cold mornings like this I wish I  could roll over your head on my shoulder
I wish I was warm again
feeling these sheets and your skin
and I wish you were the coffee that burned my lips because
I'm cold again
The branches are empty
and so are my hands

She paused from our kiss
Took a breath.
And I opened my eyes.
I saw her,
Taking it all in as she held my face
She quivered.
I smiled,
That's when I knew
She was enough.