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Kai Nov 15
my dreams drain me,
pain me,
but i still wish they were real
in my dreams, i am the person i dream of being
i call you, i tell you i love you, and i fight to be real

once i claw my way to the surface,
that person has already drowned
10,000 leagues of dreaming compress my body
(and also two blankets)
i don’t call you. i don’t say anything at all.
and i wish i wasn’t real.
dealing with some heavy things
“i’m stuck inside a fantasy where i could be all you would need” - the comfort of a laugh track by ROAR
Kai Nov 7
a thing claws at the walls of my abdomen
it roars for release
if i were stronger, i would dig my fingers
into my flesh
pull it apart, and
let the thing out

the thing is innocent. the thing is guilt
i guard my innocence. i am guilty

with this thing twisting my stomach, i feel nauseous
is the thing nauseous, or merely nauseating?
is the thing nauseous because of its own thing?
is the thing within clawing, too?

the thing within is truth. the thing within is afraid.
the thing is true. the thing is fear.
and i am the silent liar who seals all these innumerable things away.

i claw at the walls of my facade
i roar for release
am i the thing?

my teeth taste of the acid of remorse
if i’ve resolved to live a lie, why must these things claw inside me anyway?
did i resolve to live a lie?
or am i the thing?
if the things stop clawing, who am i?
if i am the thing, why am i trapped?

i am innocence. i am guilt
i am innocent. i am guilty.
i am truth. i am fear.
i am true. i am afraid.
and i am the silent liar who seals the innumerable ‘me’ away.
Kai Oct 30
I am empty, but
the good thing about
being empty is that no
matter how much I pour out,
I will feel the same.
Does that make me full?

Holes are full of air.
Space has dark matter.
Nihilists are full of thoughts.
Nothing still has thing inside.
Maybe I am full
without knowing it.

Nothing matters, but
I love some things anyway.
I determine worth.
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/4877116/empty/
i learned how to do italics!!

_this_ = italics
__this__ = bold
___this___ = bold italics
  Oct 27 Kai
Nat Lipstadt
disclaimer:
a long poem, tumbled out complete,
feel free to *** along

<!>

a poem that does not need writing,
scripted once before(1), sung this song,
nonetheless the heart purges,
then
newly urges
for fresh eyes to revise

for each second, four new babes come
into these world, estimating that one
will be infect by poesy, and there is
and yet,
no-known/cure, there be no disturbance,
no Cain mark distinguishing,
no sign from heaven,

so this enlivening disease, sometimes takes
almost a generation to bud, blossom (4) and pollinate the world with its unique nectar, uncontained, unconditionally & uncontrollable, and naturally,
incurable

by you awoken & aware of yourself
as a carrier, the strange heart rate
display of your EKG, that the doc
cannot explain, with that extra heart
beating beat (2) revealed, tell them not
to worry
it’s ok,
it’s a genetic
that makes you
tick
that’s yours
distinct,
and

there is no cure expected, no foundation advertising for dollars to lead the fight,
maybe one that does exact opposite, but no
matter, the infection becomes a condition,
with symptoms diagnoseable by the
colored gleaming lights in your
aggregating eyes

then comes the days of
frustrated declination
when every undisciplined
***** ditty wordy rejected,
crumpled and to the round
container sailing,
that’s the pain for the gain,
though all natural talent marked
by higher standards
self~imposed,
for only you can judge
when it’s good enough to satisfy
the judges observing,

the ones astride you
on each shoulder,
censoring the trite,
******* you back into the fight,
and soliciting you to go easier
on that body
for it already contains
all the nutty nutrients
that will combust
into a poem
that will be any equivalent
to an
******  of
new life breaching the
mind’s cautious customary warnings

so much more to tell,
by way of example,
who are the
predecessors that give me instant inspiration,
in the expectation of periods of
Saharan drought, (3)
the need to jot every random thoughts,
for oft
we compose in drips and dabs,
every birth owns its own timetable,
took Cohen ten years
to make Hallelujah satisfactory,
theiving so/too much of your time,
until the best distraction arrives,
announcing the following;

“if I did not truly loved her
it would be causas belli
should I fail not to
bring her an ember of
coffee”



but writing in the moment
is a stupendous momentous
so smile sweet,
tell her where to go,

where
the mug with Hawaiian scents
awaits, and let her lover
decompose what needs saying

immédiate
right now!

so by way of closure
I ask you
why
are you still reading this too **** long
soliloquy
and not
stariing into a world
of words
all your own?
<>
for
inscribed upon your every breath,
are
your words,
a trickery uniquery
to which

nothing will ever compare
<>
this one, came atumbling, stumbling
in one fall fell swooping on a Sabbath morning,
10/26/24, between
6:00am and 9:00am
>>
(1) https://hellopoetry.com/poem/2433933/0-followers/

(2) https://hellopoetry.com/poem/4767467/intrinsically-intrigued-by-my-irregular-irreverent-extra-heartbeat/

(3) Hafiz, Whitman
(4) started writing late, in my sixth decade
Kai Oct 26
heart of feathers, heart of down,
keep me warm, won’t you?
cradle me soft, won’t you?
be my pillow, my quilt, my comfort
and carry me into dreams, won’t you?

mind of plumes, mind of quills,
help me fly, won’t you?
be my wings, won’t you?
give me flight, freedom, wind
and carry me to the clouds, won’t you?

my tears will drench your down
don’t let me drown, won’t you?
my tears will waterlog these wings,
but you’ll still fly, won’t you?

broken wings, broken bones
blood feathers, i won’t know
until i fall from the sky
and only then i’ll wonder why
  Oct 26 Kai
Nat Lipstadt
~for Lori,
they await you~
<>
be:
of two minds, a peculiarly human
distressing and wonderful
characteristic s~trait,

straightforward and regular,
as hu-man was intended,
or
be:
truly crackling delighting
twisty like a river bend,
with a flood plain,
defying nature illogically,
here today,
and new direction on-the-morrow,

the creativity of time
making its own best laid plans
that either wash over you,
or wash you away

what you may not be aware,
as I too, was overly innocent,
that the sidewalk cracks are mini-seas,
full of overheard words, true tales,
a depository of the stories,
of tithes of titles
beckoning, becoming fables,
left by millions of
endless passer-byes
and passer~overs,
a repository of human insights
held inside them cracks,
under cover of
thin brown line
of ***** grime, soil and ****
& history

for this ugly surficial,
environmentally rocky but semi~
solid environ, is perfection personified to
retain. restore all the power memories & glories
of those who tread upon them
in flip flops and snow boots,
spilling the detritus that is all of us,
thus,

a gold mine of poems for  asking,
a vein of jewels for simple taking,
no secret word, no library card, just a
few taps of the shoe’s soul, will kick up
the dust of disorderly unused words,
to be easily inhaled, or cab~hailed, and then
by gum, yous for the making


so walk with me, eyes open, nostrils wide,
ears keen, tongue open to lick up the dust,
impress them upon you skin,
do so!
so they be
not forgot,
nor slip away to a new street line,
and be lost again until someone else
comes along to use
what was rightfully yours
for a moment of seconds


bring your sheaf of blank memory sheets,
scribble madly for the volumes are supersized, stupendous, and you
will never lack,
wander for hope,
nor
wonder too long
for the whereabouts of that next poem,
for lives-it, beneath you,
awaiting and aging,
pry it out by by fingernails
if too well hid,
but trust an old fool,
thee best me-kind there be,

the grimy grinning grungy pallor
is the best camouflage extant,
the dust is gold, a miner’s delight,
speckles of glassine letters
sapphired and rubied,
all yours, when you fall to your knees,
and finally witness, finally see
wide eyed
a new flood plain
of satisfied tears pooling,
*****, hard earned,
falling, forming
from your own
flood plane
5:09am 10-22-24
~
4:21am 10-24-24
  Oct 26 Kai
Lawrence Hall
Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

                                    Torah is Written with Flame

English letters are as orderly as a battle line
But Hebrew letters are flames in their shining shapes
Even on a printed page they dance in light
And with Light comes Truth; you can see God in them

For Hebrew letters are the Burning Bush
The fires of Mount Horeb, the Temple sacrifice
The light of a Talmud scholar’s study lamp
The light of Torah upon civilization

We don’t know our letters as we should
But God has written them upon our hearts
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