Whatever hope or courage,
Whatever (madness) keeps us going,
We latch onto it
(like parasites)
And don't let go,
For that keeps us
Forever anchored
In this (nightmare) reality.
Though if we lose our grip
(we)
We could drift away
(aren't)
To a place so dangerously our own
(coming)
That reality slips to dreams
(back)
And we dance across the world
Like ripples.

People tell us that
People are good, that
People are strong, that
People do wrong, but
People will right it.

I say that
People are good, but only if they try.
I say that
People are strong, but their strength isn't always a good thing.
I say that
People are wrong, and sometimes they don't accept it.
I say that
People don't always right their wrongs.
I say that
**People aren't perfect.

the world will never tell you
there are stars in your eyes
that it cannot compete with.
instead, it will tel you
"the sky is the limit,"
because as soon as you realize that the clouds
are merely closed doors to the heavens
it can no longer hold you in.
there is no force on earth strong enough
to stop the power behind your unspoken words,
to keep you from unlocking the gates of heaven,
and from breaking the roots of your past
that cannot contain the tumultuous fires in your heart.
and there are flowers in your thoughts
that reach infinitely higher than the depths of despair.

and yet the world will always tell you
that you will never be good enough,
when you already are.

Color inside the lines
  if you don't you will look
messy.
That's what they tell me.
      teachers.
              parents.
                   friends.
i can't find the colors.
     just keep looking.  you'll find them
that's what they tell me,
       always keeping me locked in.
i never could see that    outside    is where the colors are.

i’ve given up on days that begin in late afternoon,
skipped breakfast and lunch,
days that fade slowly and end with
****** cut-out holes in eyelids because
the second i close them and it all goes black,
every moment with you comes back
played on fast-forward, the memories moving so quickly
that both our faces are blurred
and it feels like everything i’ve ever felt for you
is overflowing the tub, filling the washroom with
suds that take forever to melt

i’ve given up on those days.

i’ve traded them for ones that begin with
sunrises instead of sunsets,
days that are spent falling forward
instead of trying to chase the past, and i don’t
look back and see something broken, or
something that was better off left unopened

i look back and see our bodies so close together
that you can’t tell where yours begins and mine ends,
i see my heart that grew twenty-three times its size,
i see you and me wrapped up in something that
i didn’t know existed outside of blurry 35 mm
and overdue and falling-apart library books
that sit on the nightstands of middle-aged women
who are bored with their lives

and i’m just so happy i got to love you at all.

but i’ve folded up all the days spent with you
and taped them in the messy pages of my journal
and now i’m running into the sun,
running away from every lie that’s trying to
wedge its way in between my ribs,
running in the opposite direction of words like "regret"
and any feeling that insists that none of it was worth it

because all of it was worth it.

every moment we were together pumps
through my veins, and it will always be there;
it will be there when we’ve both graduated,
when you move out west,
when you kiss your family goodnight,
when you sit in your backyard with tears
in your eyes because you’ve lived a life
you are proud of

it will be there when i finally make it to new york city,
when i kiss someone who isn’t you,
when i find the answers you inspired me to search for,
when i sit on my rooftop with tears on my cheeks
because i’ve lived a life fuller than i could’ve ever imagined

and you and i will live these lives apart,
we’ll move on and forget what it felt like
to wake up beside one another;
we’ll find what we’re looking for elsewhere
and we’ll understand why this all had to happen the way that it did

but what we had will always exist somewhere,
in rotting apples and old mail and unplayed mix CDs,
in mosaics that line the city streets, in sirens and
red and white flashing lights that shine through
your window while you are asleep

you and i were magic,
we always will be.