Or love
was  formed
before their were stars ,
        because
I've loved you since
before even
we were made


I love you

i fell in love with
the idea of you.

your dark, messy
unkempt hair.
your black eyes that
curve into
crescent moons
and are guarded behind glass.
your endearing laugh,
your unusual talents
and fearlessness.

but perhaps if i
peeled back the
layers of secrecy and humour,
your front,
i'd find a
vulnerable you,
a lost and afraid little child.
maybe that's why
i'll only fall for
the idea of you, and not you.

maybe i'm only in love with the
train rides and
inside jokes and
candid moments unseen by you but
ingrained forever in my mind.
those little quirks that are so you yet,
not.

and if you ever knew this,
you'd combust into a million pieces.
you'd fall into the deep abyss of
uncertainty, curiosity
and the world around you
would get even more crazy.

but i can't seem to let you go,
you're a burning field i'd want to lie in still.
right now,
you're the adrenaline in my body.
it's like you're pulling me into the depths
yet pulling me out
and i don't know who is stronger.

i am in a room of my own.
a solitary confinement of
my own will, or
perhaps not?

there are a few doors
around this room.
the soft noise of mild chatter
emits from them.
yet,
i sit alone. in my room.

i am feeling
r e s t l e s s.

i open a door and i
see my friends round a table,
chit-chatting idly.
they laugh and welcome me
to the table.
today, i say a salutation
and shut the door behind me.

i do the same with the rest.

i walk back to the middle of the my room.

i start to c
                  r
                    y.

time -
such care in counting
the essence of

measured twice
- cut once
if wisely

a hole in a rock -
an atomic clock
ticking tocks

aligned in space
light years and dog years
- lines on a face

a living will -
a fleeting baby's smell

- shadows weighed
at the end of the day

darkening sky
drawing nigh -
palms high

- it is time.

r ~ 11/4/14

I am a monster.
Whether I was born one,
Or became one does not matter.

I never wanted this.
I hurt myself,
This pain spreading to others.

They want to help me
Or so they say.
I fear them.

I fear them as they fear me.
Their fear surfaces as anger.
A mob at my door to burn me at the stake.

My fear surfaces as pain.
Pain and loneliness.
I shall remain in my castle.

For I am a monster.
I only cause others pain.
It's best if I'm alone.