I look to you with tired eyes and arms wide; guide me
They say patience is a virtue, and when his hands dropped cold I waited
Someone told me once that you know the meaning of life, the meaning of death; but I guess there's not much of a difference is there?
Dear God, I hope you were watching as his soul spilled from his parted lips; I hope you watched me try to catch it with cupped hands and helpless armfuls
I hope you're satisfied, he's quite a bitter man, I hope you treat him better than I ever did
Please don't tell him I'm sorry, not because he already knows but because he'd never believe it
God, I'm not quite sure how this whole death thing works, but last time I checked, he had no clue who I was
And I know I'm new to this whole praying thing but dear God, I pray to you, please, please keep it that way
He may not be the greatest man but he does not deserve that
Dear God, I come to you with tired eyes, arms wide, and a lifetime supply of desperation or faith or whatever you call it up there
Dear God, I hope you're listening

I don’t want to sleep
There are too many noises
(Too many voices)


The tick 

Tick 

Ticking of the clock

And the silent buzz

Of street lamps

Outside my window


I can hear her breathing


Like the wind

Rushing through the trees

My heart beat

Pulsing in my chest

It gets harder to breathe

Take it slow

Count the seconds

My mind is so awake

But my eyelids

Are falling 
closed


And i am choking 



Inhaling

Smoke and demons

Exhaling

Carbon dioxide
And ash clouds

My hands are shaky
And my fingers

Are burning red

I feel an electric shock

Jolt through my body

Then entire numbness

The problem
with this poem
is that
it needs
light
to be read.

light:
daylight
candle-light
electric light.
sun light.

One can dance
in the dark
one can sing
in the dark
one makes
love
in the dark
but this poem
cannot be read
in darkness
that is perhaps
its greatest
weakness.

Today I wanted to buy the copyright to the process of hallelujah
******* in joy the same way whales eat krill
You just bottle it up inside your lungs until you have enough

Inside my fridge I have vacuum sealed jars of hallelujah
There’s nothing religious about that
Jars labeled things like
Loss of virginity
Rob lived this time
The homework is complete

Hallelujah

It’s the same way prayer works
Backwards
Pulling bits of god like an inhale

I want to hyperventilate on your hallelujah
Like a gospel choir on speed

It collects
Over time
For instance
It was maybe a month in to sleeping at Delia’s and Toffer’s house
Before I realized
I didn’t have to sleep in my car anymore
You go into the bathroom to **** and realize
Hallelujah
A jar labeled
Found a Home for now

I know science can do this
For the sake of all that is a monument to a single life
So that on your death bed, or at your funeral
Everyone there can hold a jar

Cold and warm at the same time
Vibrating in their palms
In violent joy
Like mozzletoff cocktails
They are thrown
And when they shatter there is a song
That has been collecting for years

The same word in different tonal joys

Your life

Every good moment

Hallelujah