self-reliance was
my savior; today, it keeps
me from salvation

I view it blank unforgiving a monster once I beat like some dog now it only mocks what once was.

I never dreamed I would be on the outside looking in .
A begger to my own banquet.

I was the stud now I'm simply the joke the forgotten bedfellow to the nights when they thought passion could be consumed .

Now im a after thought to them a old soul and mistaken detour I knew them in ways they only regret and I just exist all the same.

Where did it leave like some drunken passenger who missed the train I sit unsure of the road I paved .

The page never needed you .
She will find passion in the depths of a strangers embrace .

Should I pull the trigger?
Why when she did so for me so long ago.

I breathe in the past it smells of decay and bad choices.

There's no road map to success
But there's a million ***** waiting For you to fail.

Life is a tragic comedy one where the punchlines stale as the air in this room


We will all be replaced sooner or later .

It’s late
and I can’t get you out
of my mind.

There’s so much to say,
but you don’t want
to hear it.

You tell me to say
what I need,
but you’ve stopped
listening.

What’s the point
if the words just drip out
and fall to the ground?

Why would I let them fall
only to get stepped on
when I can keep them safe
inside my head?

My head is full.
My heart is heavy.

I no longer
lust after you.
Instead,
I lust after
what we used to have.

Your presence
is missing.

You stand there
next to me,
but it feels like
you’re a thousand miles away.
I can’t reach you anymore.

You don’t need me;
I get that.

But, please,
remember that,
sometimes,
I need you.

• The way you laid on the floor and listened to Dvorak “Romance for piano and violin, Op.11” and got lost in the music.
• The way you started to fall asleep watching Grand Budapest Hotel
• The way you grabbed my hand to stop the shaking.
• The way you took care of me when I had a little too much to drink.
• The way you ran back to campus to ensure I would get home safe.
• The way you brought me back when I started to slip.
• The way you kept my gaze as I struggled to keep my eyes open.
• The way you made me never want to look away.
• The way you watched me get lost in the music and the stars.
• The way you wrapped me in your arms that night.
• The way you kissed my forehead.
• The way you pulled the blankets off me in the morning.
• The way you played with my nephew, and I could see the future ahead of you.
• The way you get lost in your own mind.
• The way you talk of the galaxies.
• The way you always know how to respond.
• The way you laid in my bed.
• The way you accept everyone.
• The way you strive to be better.
• The way you talk to me.
• The way you always know what I’m thinking.
• The way you make me wonder.
• The way you melted into my family.
• The way you care about my family.
• The way you care about your family.
• The way you are so selfless.
• The way you want to run.
• The way you want to get out of this town.
• The way you care about everyone.
• The way you try to escape.
• The way you seclude yourself from others.
• The way I feel like I can’t help you.
• The way I sat there with nothing to say as you cried.
• The way I feel when I see you with her.
• The way I struggle to get out of bed.
• The way I can’t focus.
• The way I can forgive you.
• The way I sit wordless with so much to say.
• The way I wish you saw me.