Tried to drown it
In razor blades
And crash diets,
Nicotine,
And self-induced *****

It swam back up to the surface
Angrier
And emptier
Than ever

I tried to
Occupy the space
With violent ***,
And tender kisses,
Fruit bowls,
And running shoes

It tore it all to shreds,
And growled at me,
Hungrier than ever

I tried to soften its edges
With poetry
And paint brushes
And some self-help book
From the sale bin
In target

It only got
More rigged,
I kept slicing
My fingertips wide open
On its corners

Like a shooting star
It would burst
& disperse
At night,

Breaking open like glass
And bleeding me dry
From the inside out

When I moved back into my sister's
She told me that she saw this coming...

Everyone always feels it inching closer,
But no one ever tells me to
Move out of the way
Until it's too late

You can't **** The Void
And you can't fill it either

You can only give it
New life

You can only plant flowers
In the center of it,

Where the earth is damp,
Dark, and frozen,

And you can hope that
On certain summer
Mornings
When you feel safe
And free
And welcome in your own body
The sunlight might make its way
Into your belly and
Nourish your flowers,

And that one day
You'll have collected enough
Sunshine
To say

The Void is no longer a
Graveyard
It's a
Garden
And I'm not
Afraid