when I'm quiet
I need to speak my mind.
When I speak my mind
I'm being a typical teen.

When I get emotional about anything,
I'm being a hormonal girl teen.
When I act like
I feel nothing
I need to open up.

When I open up
I'm lieing or
making something
outta nothing.

When I try to write,
they take it
and start thinking I mean
things I don't
and get mad I hid it.
When I show them
they never wanna look at it.
When they do look,
they don't approve

When they tell me to go out more, I'm not home enough.
When I stay home,
I'm lazy.

When I talk like an adult,
I'm just a teen
what do I know. When I talk like a kid,
act my age.

***.
There's no winning here no matter how I act
Yet I'm told to deal with it
That's life
And I'm told to change it.

We fall into your stereotype,
BECAUSE you believe everything
We do
Is a typical teen phase

But if you were treated as such,
Wouldn't you be just as confused?

I come to tell you
I've seen
a thousand morrows
a thousand humming bird dead
upon my front porch
a thousand numbers crying
divided
a thousand pieces of hair
cut away
a thousand lovers pulled away
never reunited
a thousand weddings bringing joy
as well as pain

I come to tell you
I've heard
a thousand heartbeats
a thousand sighs
quick intakes of breath
a thousand breaking plates
hit the floor
a thousand wolfs howling in pain
the alpha, I think, was shot
a thousand drops hitting the floor
tears of salt
a thousand footsteps creeping
across a thousand nails
a thousand screams
on ripping wind

I come to tell you
I've touched
a thousand faces
a thousand falls
painful as it was
a thousand blankets holding back
fears
a thousand sun rays
warming me
a thousand cold winds
never stopping
a thousand furs of animals
gone dead away
a thousand rushing gallons of water
colder than ice

I come to tell you
I've tasted
a thousand sweet strawberries
a thousand sweet kisses
sweeter than sugar
a thousand sour flavors
hit my taste buds
a thousand stakes of cows long past
I taste salt
a thousand tears
hidden
a thousand cheeses
cut into a thousand pieces
a thousand screams of animals eaten

I come to tell you
I've seen
I've heard
I've touched
I've tasted
therefore I am human

Say my name in the dark
I will hear you whisper in the dark
say my name to the air
and I will remember fair
say my name in your room
trust me when I say I'll hear your boom
say my name to the wall
I can hear you across the hall
say my name in your mind
I will hear you in mine
say my name when your falling down
I will hear you across the town
say my name in my ear
so I know you're near
say my name
and I'll say yours
say my name
it's not much of a chore
you don't have to adore
but I'll adore yours

I couldn't keep myself away
couldn't keep myself from kissing you
your arm draped over me
just made my mind go numb
couldn't think about anything
but your heart beat
your breathing
how warm and inviting your mouth would be
if I kissed you again
couldn't think
couldn't tell myself no
I just leaned over
and started kissing you
realized what I was doing
but still couldn't stop
because your kiss was what I needed
your lips over mine
the way your tongue slipped perfectly in-between my teeth
how you put so much into a single touch of lips
and I couldn't pull away

What if I spoke my mind?
What if I just let it all out?
Would it make me feel better
Or worse
Worrying that your lips ain't as tight as you claim

What if I had never been hurt
What if my heart hadn't been so dumb
So much
Maybe I'd be stronger

What if when you ask what I want to be
I told the truth
Not the regular bull
Would you look at me oddly
Or the same

What if my sisters never grew so far from me
What if that knife never hit my back
Would I be happy

What if I learned to love
On the outside
Instead than on the inside
Think I'd be any less messed up?

What if I spoke my mind?
Would you ever understand my way of thinking?

What if I stopped pushing people away
What if I tore down my wall?

What if I said my mind?
What if I gave you a map to my heart?
Would you make it?
Probably not
Given I'd change the path before you could take five steps.

Why did I push you away?
I didn't know
it would case me
so much pain
I don't wanna say
I want you back
cuz how horrible would I be
to tell you I love you
after I pushed you away
I think you were right in saying
I'm scared of love
maybe because it's hurt me
my soul
my being
I'm afraid that one day
you'll hate me
so I decided to cut ties
I try not to fall
so to avoid the struggle of standing back up

I miss you through
but I won't let myself tell you
why?
because I'm a stubborn fool
so stubborn
I hate people seeing me
my pain
my tears
me.
but I'm scared of losing you completely
so that's why
right now
I'm staring at you
so intensely
looking for even a hint of longing
for a hint that you've noticed
that I'm fighting myself
over you

Let me out!
Let me out!
i scream and scream
yet, this mindless drone
continues to talk aimlessly
about finding Y's X
just let me go

i began to see
numbers flying through the air
with plus signs and graphs
everyone around me
laughs, laughs, laughs
and
that mindless, soulless drone
starts reciting binary code!

oh let me go!
let me go!
the graphs have teamed up
with the X's and zeros!
and the imagery numbers
became the allies
of symbols i don't remember!

Y's chasing the X
and Zero's ignoring all the rules

Let me go!
Let me go!
they've trapped me
in problem 92
i can't escape
my work is due

Oh let me go!
Let me go!
i scream and scream
behind my eyes
and this heartless, merciless drone
KEEPS RECITING
THIS **** BINARY CODE!

a ringing sound
and my eyes un-haze
class is over
i made it
i escaped
till tomorrow i say
to the mindless drone
i wish to slay.

My friends,
when you die,
go to hell,
I'll meet you there
and welcome you home.
For we belong down here.
We curse and we yell
And we howl all night.
Tis always night here
With bonfires
and such huge flames
In camps of the sinners
Here we're all winning
Oh it's never boring here
We drink
We rob
We love
We hate
Discord is our favorite thing

A lot like a firery prison
We will punish those we see fit
Not all who don't fit gods approval list
Beware our anger

When you die
My friends
Go to hell
And I welcome you there.

i just wanna go home.
i hate this place.
and i don't like these people.

i miss the people i love
i miss being treated like a human
i miss him
i miss his smell
his voice
him

i hate the way this place looks
the trees  are too tall
the grass too green

i miss home
the cactus
the dust
the brown grass
the tiny trees

i hate how seagulls sound
and miss crows
and sparrows

i hate this cramped apartment
i hate being trapped
i hate the way i can't escape
i hate the fact
i have another year
i didn't expect

i miss knowing i'd be out soon
i miss knowing she trusted me
i miss her being proud of me
or at least faking it

i despise the very air it's self
smelling the way it does
it doesn't smell right

i hate it here

i just wanna go home

i love you
don't you know?
more then she could ever love you

and i know its just a short thing
you and her
but it still hurts to think
of you and her
together
while I'm sitting here alone
thinking of you in her arms
while I'm all alone
without you
and it hurts
and it hurts
and it hurts
and its hurts

i should have said no
should have said no
no
no
no
no
it hurts thinking of
you and her together
while I'm alone

god I'm so stupid
and I've made mistakes
but I've been here for you
I'd never heard her name before
yet you say shes one of your closest friends

and i know its just a short thing
you and her
but it still hurts to think
of you and her
together
while I'm sitting here alone
thinking of you in her arms
while I'm all alone
without you
and it hurts
and it hurts
and it hurts
and its hurts

i should have said no
should have said no
no
no
no
no
it hurts thinking of
you and her together
while I'm alone

but i can't tell you no
i love you too much to tell you know
so I'll be quiet
because when you're happy
I'm happy too