I will remind you that you're in love with me.

In the way you say my name like a prayer,  whispering it to yourself as you wish for me to be near you.

As days go on in a dazed state missing me once you trued to stay away. I know you read our old conversations. I know you miss the way I laugh at you.
Miss the way we'd,
               laugh together.

I will remind you that you're in love with me.

Whenever you see something beautiful, thinking of me and how we shared our adoration of finer things. How lovely a flower, to the sweet giggles of a child. We could have had our own.

I will remind you that you're in love with me.

As old nicknames of being the stars that light your night sky, to the moon that watches you sleep, to the sun that shines and either brightens your day...or burns your skin. Blinding your eyes..

I will remind you that once I meant everything.

And I will not let you forget.

And I wish I lost my shyness, just to once be able to look him in the eyes.

Alas, my bravery is not enough and my gaze lowers itself to admire the floor.
I begin to notice the pebbles and scuff marks on the ground. Birds pecking at bread crumbs on a distant sidewalk. Looking at most anything else. Noticing the way my pulse races as he walks by
Just,
    not the color of his eyes.

I cannot look at him.

I feel as though my intentions will burn and I will be left barren.

He would know how much he means to me.

There are daggers digging themselves into the walls of my skin, but I only see a faint glimmer while I wonder how to breathe. How to breathe,  how to breathe,  how to breathe,

I don't know if I love you.

My hands are shaking and my heart is aching, I cannot imagine a day where I didn't want you close. Come here, please...

I think I'm in love with you.

Its been two days since we last spoke and the silence I see on your end is driving me insane. How, do I
Breathe.

I think I'm in love with you.

I take longer to reply because I know that my voice will crack on the phone,  and that you will sense the hidden things I am not bold enough to admit to you. I can't remember how to breathe,  my hands are shaking every time I message you.

I think I'm in love with you.

I am surrounded by crowds of people, there are faces upon faces and stores alive with customers but I am daydreaming of being alone with you. And nestling myself in your arms as I fall asleep. My hands are still shaking.

I think I'm in love with you.

Inconsiderate amusement scrounges blistering bubbles to froth and churn.
Burning, sizzling, lighting afire with inconsistent bursts of rage.
Random explosions
strike terror into hearts.

Beating down with each blast.
Beating sense into you.
Relentlessly
beating

you

unconscious.

Crouched into a fetal position.
Pleas are ignored and scorned.

Say anything.
Tell anyone.
Ask for help and the load will double.
Triple.
Multiply.
Continuously.
Until you curse yourself for considering such a thing.

Every moment.
In every day.

Every.
F-ing.
Day.

Pity blossoms amidst decaying gardens.
Ensnaring any last trickle of light with starved fingers.
Silently mourning.
What used to be.

What I used to be.

Angry man, Angry man,
Who claws his way through trash cans.
Why is there a silver band,  on the ring finger of your left hand when I see that you've no wife?

Angry man, Angry man,
Who sings of a lost love through bottled up tears and whimpering sobs.
Why is it that you cry?

Angry man, its raining and its hardly been an hour. Since I last saw an expression so sour as the one you wear as you glumly sit in the rain. Why don't you ever smile?

Angry man, they say you're bitter. Called a drunkard and a quitter. But I saw you stare  down that strange man who tried to follow me home the other day. You must not be as bad as people say you are, you must have a reason as to why.

Angry man, you've lost your home.
Angry man, you look alone.
Why does misery soak into your skin?

Angry man, I am sad to hear and see,
the horrific tragedy that happened to your wife and daughter while you were at work.

Angry man, your wife must have loved you.
She waited seven years for you to propose to her and loved you as much as she did after all those years. You must have known..
She must wish that she could kiss and hug you.

Until then she waits for you in that place close to God with your daughter.

Angry man,  your daughter must have called you "Papa" in such a way that only a five-year old could.
Don't you remember when she'd giggle as you tickled her awake every morning because she didn't want to wake up?

Angry man, I am not teasing.
Angry man, please believe me.

God blessed you with a loving wife and gave you both a beautiful daughter.

Won't you stop mourning over the car accident. While you were at work and your wife was driving your baby girl to school...you couldn't have known that a drunken driver would take them both from you.

When the police called you at work, confused but cooperating you took a seat as they suggested and hoped that they wouldn't make you late for dinner.

Slowly realising as they explained.
That your wife was dead along with your daughter.
Whose birthday was only in two weeks.
You planned to take her to the country so she could ride her first pony, because she loved horses so much and begged for one every Christmas.

Your wife.
Brown eyed, high school sweetheart.
Always made sure you had a good day, loving you as long as you two knew each other.  Anniversary a few months ago...

Rage boils your blood into steam.
You want the drunken fool to pay, smash him into the ground till your wife and child comes back.  

Screaming at the officers who try to calm you down with understanding and pity in their eyes.

Fallen tears.

Stream alongside your face and you are on your knees weeping and breathing so hard for your family.
Wishing you didn't go to work early that day, because ***** traffic. You could have drove your daughter to school. Your wife would have been safely at home making sure that all was ready for your daughters surprise drive out to the country.

They wouldn't have been dead.

You were numb during the funeral preparations.
Felt hollowed out at the joint funeral.
Made sure that your daughter held her favorite stuffed animal in her casket.

Made sure that your wife wore those oval earrings you bought her for your first anniversary. Remembered when she'd kiss your cheek twice on special occasions whenever she wore them. Because she loved them so much.
How your daughter would burst into giggles and you'd kiss her cheek so she'd feel loved too.

Quitting your job amd starting to drink.
Eventually losing your home.

Always putting flowers on their graves every year. This year made three.

Angry man, please be happy.
Because your sadness would be breaking their hearts, they'd want you to be happy.

Won't you put down the beer bottle...



and find your way home?

I think of you
as I listen to the roar of waves
crashing against the shoreline in
booms and swirls.

I think of you
as I listen to the bubbly giggles
of children playing in the sand
guardians of starlight and sunshine.

I think of you
when ships and guns sink their claws into my island
with warrior after warrior stumbling across our shores
readying for ****** catastrophies.

I think of you
as he slanders a good woman
poisoning his family with hate and cynicism
silently
watching him abuse us verbally and mentally.

I think of you
when my heart is on the verge of breaking
letting tears fall in silent streams
shattered and trying to piece itself together.

I think of you
as birds chatter amongst themselves in trees
sernading my troubles into lovely lullabies
stirring peace within my soul.

I think of you
when I'm cold and my skin turns pale
shaking frozen thoughts
with those of you
happy and smiling.

I think of you.
I remember you.
I miss you...

Where were you,
when my body wasn't my own. And he did what he wanted to my mom first.
Saving me for last?

Where were you,
when fear filled my lungs. And my blood filled my mouth as I was hit blow after blow?

You were tasting her with your skin as she made you satisfied.
Something I'd never let you do to me.
I'd hate you if you did.

Do to her what you watch on the internet.
On those sites where you have to pay for a show.

Living in the moment of your ***** happiness she entertains you and your fantasies.

Ignoring my screams and trading them for hers. Leading you on.

Where were you,
when I begged for mercy on my knees.
As he lifted his military boot to knock me down to the ground?

With your name being screamed in my soul and I called for help through my miserable tears?









Where were you????