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"Why don't you come inside, Fish?
or you could just stay out here,
because I know you like to be alone"

That hit like daggers in my heart.
Especially coming from him,
I look up to him so much,
I shouldn't but I do.
He means well, I think,
it was more of a joke, sort of,
he wasn't being serious,
but the way he said it hurt.

Sure I lingered a moment in the rain
waiting for the rest of the people to enter the lobby
and I'd go last but-
I don't know.
it hurt.
him saying that.
that people think that.

No, Rob,
I don't like to be alone,
but being alone is easier
and the world is very scary
and I'm not very brave
so everyone thinks I like to be alone
but I don't.
I really don't.

It's too hard for me to speak
I don't know why, it just is.
It's too hard for me to step forward
and be like everyone else
I try so hard
but it's so terrifying.



the feeling of loneliness chills my insides
and makes me cold and still.
think what you like of me,
but please,
especially not you,
don't think I like to be alone.
because I don't.
I know that  my body needs a certain number of calories
to help keep me alive
so why do I spend the time after every meal hating myself

I know if I show you my ****
your **** will get hard
how flattering

I know that the shape of my body
makes people want me
so why doesn't it make me want myself
When I read your poems
I want nothing more than to be close to you.
Intimately, not Romantically.
I want to sit next to you
and take your hands
I want to look at the scars and wonder.
Wonder why you do those things to yourself
why it's so hard to talk to you
Wonder why you chose to be my friend.

I want to take your hands in mine
and kiss your palms
and look into your eyes with a reassuring smile
that tells you everything's going to be okay.
But I can't.

I can't because you terrify me.
You terrify us all.
You're handsome and unknown.
You terrify us because we know nothing about you
accept for the scars.
I want to kiss and hold those scars.

I want to not be afraid anymore.
To the boy in the back of the room.
 May 2014 Jeremy Duff
Nomad
How?
Just how?
Did you know,
past my smiles and reassurance,
through my antics and all,
that underneath, behind my eyes, that I was in pain,
I was taking a fall.

How did you know?

You saw right through me,
like no one else could,
you sent me words of reassurance,
like no one else would.

So how did you know?

I hid it so well, no one else could catch on,
yet there you were,
to catch me,
before I was long and gone.

How did you know?

It's unnatural,
uncanny,
nearing impossible!
How you do what you do,
but I'm glad you did,
I'm really, really glad, that you knew.

But did you know?

You're my secret confessor,
though neither of us know it yet.
Because now with you,
I know my heart is set.

I can show you the things,
that only I hide below,
because it seems I just can't hide it,
because you always seem to know.

I Love... You.

But you'll never know.
To her, who always seems to see me right through.
To her, that always makes me feel unsure, of what...exactly to do.
 May 2014 Jeremy Duff
Julia
How to:
focus on letters falling
out of your mouth like
a leaky spigot when
you have orchard eyes &
honeysuckle lashes that I
am positive would feel
like the down of the most
expensive pillow if
brushed against my
fingertips, & lilac breath
that dances around your
dripping syllables so gracefully
& dissipates like the sweetest
fog around me so that
I cannot see past you;
but why, why
on Earth would I
ever look away?
 May 2014 Jeremy Duff
Aoife Teese
if boys like you
wanted me, sober,
as much as you do
when you're drunk
then maybe i wouldn't
feel so hideous
and useless
and used
and sad
I took out my razor blades
And lined them up row
By row
By row
And I thought about how you said the freckles on my skin reminded you of the night time sky
You've heard how flies brains get rewired when they meet their mate?
How "sweet" it is that they can never love another.
Flies don't love. That's why that happens. It has to otherwise they would leave. There's no fake sense in staying and fulfilling an obligation. Lucky them.
 May 2014 Jeremy Duff
Nova
Concept
 May 2014 Jeremy Duff
Nova
I have lived seventeen years, but I do not know how many more
I will last through
I am not an adult, yet I am treated like one
and punished just the same
I do not want or deserve these responsibilities, but like an adult
I have no choice
I am not an adult, but still I must turn a brave face
and hold back my fears

I am still a child, scared,
alone
Trapped behind a facade of serenity
At night I shed this skin and scream out silently
as to not disturb my jailors
I am still a child, hurting,
confused
I crave rewards and positive gestures
Not these broken hearts
and scattered pill bottles

I am not an adult, but I must meet the
expectations of one

I am still a child, lost,
cold

The constant stream of slamming doors
and shouting echos
washes over me
I am losing my grasp

I am not an adult, but they expect me
to stay afloat

I am still a child, and I
cannot swim
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