I get the call.
I get denied.
I go again
but it’s different this time.
I strip and wait
to see if they find
something about my body that they like.

I get sent the script.
I learn my lines.
I put on a new face
and don’t recognise mine.
The following minute she’s on the stage
under the spotlight soaking up the appraise.

When the audience applaud
and the last curtain falls.
I take a deep breath and smile at it all.

I said to your Dad “I want a busy house”.

A home where we may have slept in on a weekday, then we’re rushing to grab a bite of toast before we’re stuck in traffic trying to get you to school on time.

A home where the laundry doesn’t always get done straight away and when it does we have sock fights and pray that the dog doesn’t end up going back to the vets to rescue one of the pair.

A home where you’ll try to eat what you can from your plate and we won’t mind if you snack later in the day. In fact we won’t mind if you wake us up to go on a midnight feast adventure in the middle of the night.

A home where you’ll be happy and grow up and maybe one day want to call your own.

I said to your Dad “I don’t want a busy house, I want a busy home”.

I didn’t know how much I wanted to be a mother,
Until I met the man who would be a fantastic father.

Now I’m waiting for you little one to bring meaning to my life.

The birds awake with song
I know it won’t be too long
Until the sun breaks at Dawn.

I gaze at the time,
it's eleven fifty-nine.
I won’t sleep tonight,
when I got you on my mind.

The young boy carries the bucket with lots of colourful fish inside.
Whilst his father coughs up his habit and begins to trail behind.

The child calls back for reassurance “can we do this tomorrow dad? At the same time?”
The man smiled weakly and began to cry.
“Of course we can, now hold your old man’s hand”.

The boy now a man, looks up from the photograph of him and his Da, and says to his partner “that was the last time… the last time we went fishing”.

I know it can get dark sometimes.
Being alone with the thoughts in your mind.
I know you might be giving up on hope.
Give me a moment to say that you’re not alone.

Please don’t give up on the fight.
I know it can be tough somedays, sometimes.
And some things are just a lesson to learn
and pass by.
You change the song at any time.
Write the next chapter in the blink of an eye.
So please don’t go turning off your light.
Give yourself a moment.
To save your life.