It’s that moment of dread,
where everything gets intense,
where I only see red.
Where I only see red.

The anger comes bursting out,
like an animal on the prowl,
It’s digging it’s teeth in now.

It’s that moment of doubt,
where these vicious thoughts of mine,
are closing in on my mind.

Everything goes red.
These vultures are picking off what’s left.
I remember every bad thing that was said.
God sometimes I wish I was dead.

Before I went to university,
Before I went on to follow my dreams.
My partner at the time, proposed to me.
And I thought it was strange the ring didn’t fit me.

When I flew the nest,
I felt so grown up.
I made some new friends,
who I grew to love.

When I came back home,
I would tell so many stories anew.
My fiancés’ blue eyes began to change into a monstrous hue.
It was from the moment the jealousy began to bloom.

The ring was refitted.
It felt tight.
Like I couldn’t breathe.
Something just didn’t feel right.

When he stayed at my place,
I was so excited to be
with the love of my life…
And he ***** me.

My wings snapped.
Under his weight.
I couldn’t get up,
I couldn’t fly away.

I cried beneath him.
Murmuring “please stop”.
I thought you loved me.
I guess you never loved me at all.

After it was over,
I looked you in the eyes,
And said that you ***** me
You shook your head and denied.

You said why don’t we get out,
go and grab something to eat?
I felt too nervous to say no,
so I simply agreed.

That evening you took
me out in the dark.
You sped through country lanes
I begged for you to stop.

I was trying to guess
your next move.
And you took me to a place
that I never seen with you.

I was 19 when I was in the darkness with you.
I was so scared about what you were going to do.

When I tell this story,
I can barely pull through.
They say that I lied,
even though I told the truth.

K
I remember the party
where I was bullied to ****.
No adult came to help
I was left alone to deal with it.

L and D
I remember the group chat
I thought it was strangely late.
But it had been premeditated
That they wanted me to commit suicide that day.

You said you had a secret to tell me.
But your mother had asked you not to say.
She had said how idiotic I’d been,
for taking the pill at a young age.

Let me be the first to tell you,
how enraged I was that day.
I looked the infected girl in the eye,
And said “my body, my choice”.
There’s nothing more to say.

She’s waiting patiently
for this all to end.
The sickness has caught on,
and there’s no medicine.

The dark thoughts
begin closing in.
No matter where you look,
there’s no happy end.

How do I start this?

“Hello” sounds too formal,
when it comes to us.
“Hey” sounds too friendly,
like we’ve stayed in touch.
Does “Hi” sound too immature?
Or is it just me?

How about I start by saying:
Hello-hey-hi, how are you?
Do you know how long it’s been?

My family moved houses when I was young.
I was scared to start in the new school.
You were the first person to care about me
and I didn’t feel so lonely when I was with you.

You moved away when I was young.
You use to call and so did I.
We use to write and tell each other of our adventures all the time.

Then the phone stopped ringing.
And the letters stopped filling up the letterbox.

I never knew what happened to you…
I guess that’s what growing up does to kids like me and you.