There is exactitude
and certitude

no matter what
the returns of the day

corrosion festers,
the depression spikes,
like a fever that is
drug resistant

the consumption residue,
white ash, black trimmed
festoons my innards,
dresses up my facade

vacuous and vacant
are the vagaries
that only flow, never ebb,
jubilant light effaced

my countenance equanimous,
my demeanor unmeaned,
but but but but but
nothing but but but

t'is not but the mood of the moment
t'is the chronic the endemic
there is an exacting certitude
this is the underground stream
the runs my poetry down

comparing his lips to cherries
is like l i n k i n g Eve to sin.

I breathe you like air

Sitting, in the living room
my old granddad and me
another soldier dying
On our sixty inch tv

I didn't understand it
But granddad looked at me
his eyes were full and teary
he said , because of him we're free

Freedom comes in many forms
Where soldiers have to die
They're hero's after they are gone
Not before, and I ask WHY?

Grandad, wiped his tears away
He got up, and left the room
He was back a moment later
His smile in full bloom

Son, he said, just look at this
He had a scrapbook in his hands
It's full of those who fought for us
And they all died in different lands

I shed a tear each time I see
Another hero made
They fight to keep our freedom
And now to rest are laid

I sat and watched with granddad
On another night and cried
I understood the meaning
when another soldier died

Freedom comes in many forms
Where soldiers have to die
They're hero's after they are gone
Not before, and I ask WHY?

My therapist told me that
she's "not worried"
because she doesn't think
I'll "act on my thoughts"

When she can't see through my façade, I know I'm good

I guess no one reads between lines anymore
and I kind of want to do it
just to show them that I could.
One last act of defiance.

Everything is overwhelming.
I just want to sleep, mostly.
It's scary to never feel awake
and to know that it might never change.

I want off.
Off of life.
I'll never be what I wanted to be,
so why be?