I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse; my way with words. But it does come at a cost. For I am burdened with the ability to capture my pain in a beautiful portrait.  My broken heart my quill and my never ending tears my ink. And no matter how fluidly the words of my despair run I will never feel it in such a way. Hopeless and helpless. In dire need of an escape from everything. But a deep yearning to go back to where it all began. And if I were to use every word I knew I still wouldn't be able to convey to you how so desperately  I want to claw out of my skin. Escape from my own mind. But I'm trapped in every sense of the word. And I'm trapped between everything, wanting someone to save me or wanting to do it on my own. My ego so large believes I can do it alone, but it hasn't worked thus far. Still I can't reach out. For fear of misunderstanding because that's my life one after another. When I truly say everything I feel, let it all out... What will they say?

Sadness has become me. For I am more quickly to run into the arms of sadness than I am happiness. To happiness I am a pure skeptic. Searching round and round for cracks and holes. Because happiness can easily be a delusion. It can be dismantled and shown to be much of nothing. But sadness, sadness is never a delusion. It's so real I can grasp it in my hands and hold it while I cry. It sleeps next to me at my bedside. Constantly reminding me of all I've been through. And you must think I'm completely insane and I am. I have a knack for torturing myself with past thoughts and heartbreaks. I don't let go because I'm afraid. I hold on to sadness because it's oh so familiar. I'm not sure how else I could be without my blue friend.

So interchangeable.
I can make you say whatever I want.
String you along.
In just a single thought.
It amazes me.
You can be as I want you to be.
In my hands you're clay.
I'll shape you and mold you.
You'll tell a great story.
Of love and loss and sorrow.
You'll be my greatest creation.
How wistful. You blow in the wind.
How softly you flow off my tongue.
I love the way you taste.
Like everything right in the world.
Amazement.
I'm at awe.
You are everything I need.
Everything I've ever wanted.
My craving for you has only intensified.
I'd be a wreck without you.
There is no life without you.
You bring meaning to the meaningless.

And I love you but it won't be for ever
But I think while I love you now
I will love you hard.
Each day passing quicker than the last
I feel you slipping trough my hands.
And though this time we share may seem
Ephemeral it'll last an eternity in my heart
My first love but not my last
I can only rejoice
That I've first stumbled upon a boy
As sweet as you.