I hate myself for this.
For the way I freeze
when all I want is to say
Stay. Please. Stay.
For the way I let silence
stand in for love
because I was too afraid
she wouldn’t echo it back.

I’ve lifted mountains for less.
Faced fire with bare hands.
But the idea of saying her name
with a question mark at the end?
It guts me.
It makes me feel small,
like the boy who never got picked,
still sitting in the dust
pretending he didn’t care.

There’s grace in everything I can’t reach—
her name feels too soft
for the kind of storm
she stirs in me.
I speak like I’m fine,
but every silence she leaves behind
echoes louder
than anything I’ve ever said.

She made me feel
like I could matter.
Like I was seen.
Like I wasn’t just passing through.

And now I’m the one ghosting myself—
watching my chances rot
on the vine
while I pretend
they weren’t ripe to begin with.

People say “just ask her.”
Like it’s nothing.
Like it’s not years of rejection
chained around my throat.
Like I didn’t already build
a thousand ways
she could say no
and mean it kindly—
which hurts worse, honestly.

I’m so exhausted
from being brave everywhere else
except here.
With her.
Like my courage runs out
the moment it matters most,
and all that’s left
is a boy with full lungs
and no voice.

And I know I’ll regret this.
I already do.
Because she’ll be gone.
And I’ll still be here—
writing poems
instead of living them.

The essence of love
From a beautiful precious birth
Spouts the purest form of innocence; love
To exalt those who shelter our sole being
Conscious love brings fear and mental torment
To taint and eradicate our ethereality
Infected with bleak reality
Lunar sorrows of solitude and seclusion
Demonic presences reap at the heart
Bringer of dread, separation with no solution
Loss of my heroine, Queen of beauty
Desolate and afraid, naked and cold
By chance, arbitrary love and yearning
The insatiable appetite for such a person
Unescapable feelings of bliss and elation
Consumed by exultation
Solace and soothing serenity
How I cannot picture a life without thee
A tomb of anguish and sorrow
Eternal lamentation
We must stay intertwined and inseparable
Clasped together until bleak nothingness
Engulfed by your presence, my Queen of the
night
Dressed in satin black
Princess of darkness, priestess of mars
I call out to Eros
To extol the highest power
Two souls cast by a single flame
A shared rhythm of beating hearts
Entangled til death swallows our existence
The essence of love