no one loves me
but they claim they care
if they really did wouldn't they see

i am falling apart
fragile to the touch
yet they keep on pushing me

closer to the edge
and they think i can take more
so they push farther till i'm at the brink

it's like they know i can't swim
but they are going overboard
and they'll be suprised when i sink

i used to apologize
for being in your presence

as if i was burden
by just being seen

now i accept
that you'll look at me the same

no matter how i change
i can't make you happy

satan was his favorite angel
and he still let him fall
don't wanna assume the worst for you
but something about this feels wrong
why wouldn't you hurt me is a question
i hate to ask but i hear in the back of my mind
everytime you linger just a bit longer
and try to stare into my eyes
so what if you want more
if you don't want it all
don't wanna invest the last of my trust
if you're gonna just drop the ball
this is a lot for me and a lot to me
sorting through emotions
definitions and technicalities
seem like such commotion
why can't we just try to give the other
what they ask without thinking too much
but expecting you to be as thoughtful as me
is asking too much

i just wanna make you feel good
what are you trying to do to me

bind my wrists
then throw me overboard
into the ocean
that is overwhelmingly yours
just pin my arms down
and hold me to the floor
don't even give me the option
to look at the door
deny me the right
to leave this room
like my sole purpose
is to be with you
forbid me to go
i want you to do it
your waters are rough
but your movements are so fluid

i slept all day
now i'll stare at my ceiling all night

it feels like i'm drowning
but my breathing is just fine
might not be trapped physically
but i'm caged in my mind
reliving every failure
and worrying about the ones to come
not thinking about what i do
but everything else that i should have done
and they all think i'm crazy
no one understands
not worth the energy
or even a second glance
even those that listen
barely register the meaning
a moment of belonging is
temporary
rare
and fleeting
cause i climb this mountain of doubt
and fall each time i try
to open up and be a better friend
it leaves me cut up inside
because either i'm terrible
and say what i want to say
or i give myself to others
and i slowly go insane
cause to be liked
i have to be nice to you all
being supportive
being there
being kind to a fault
but i'm still the bad guy
cause i'm tired of handling it
cause i'm sick of your lies
and the people that you run with
why must i change myself
when i've already changed my behaviors
time and time again
to make you comfortable
to have a positive impact
to be a better friend
i just feel abandoned
in a time of need
why must i defend
myself every time i disagree
it's just a part of who i am
the choices i make
are based on thought
not on whims
i've given too much
to now in turn let your words
get under my skin
why can't i just feel
why must i lose for you to win
i'm trying so hard
to keep my cool
but the darkness is moving in
the farther i run
the harder it is
for my heart to mend
i run from my fears
neck deep in problems
till i realize i'm in the deep end

I want you
I want to want you
I need to leave you
I need to

i hate taking tests
my handwriting is not the best
i wish cried a lot less
i experience WAY too much stress
i never feel the need to dress for success
i just barely learned how to play chess
i've got a lot of secrets i don't plan to confess
i slept all day, but i still need a rest
i don't know why everything has to be a contest
i really don't like movies about the wild west
i think my favorite word just might be yes
school is such a pest
i've never stuck gum under a desk
i get one penny a month in interest
another word for a clown is a jest
i've never read consumser's digest
my prescribed medicine is the only controlled substance i ingest
i am firmly against ******
i don't understand what makes the shaving of a citrus a zest
the top of a soundwave is called a crest
birds keep their eggs inside of a nest
i really think this idea has me possessed
its not even that good but i keep making progress
i'm gonna end this before it all becomes a mess
i hope my rhymes have left you impressed

i can't say you're inconsistent
because you always pick her side
don't tell me you love me
just to change your mind
you always choose her
so i decided to leave
don't take it back
you've already lost me

it's just like me
to lose touch
forget where i am
and say too much
reality so jarring
but i fail to hide
a mixture of insecurity
and fragile pride
i want to be happy
but i want to be right
i mean i don't want to
say it's all been a lie
just so damaged
that i can't tell between
my intuition
and the intrusive thoughts always plaguing me
and i'm sorry if it feels
like i'm closing in
i know that i
can get too intense
i'll just stop explaining
making no sense
like i said before
we're better off as friends :/

don't say you don't love me
tell me you hate me instead
don't say you don't love me anymore
anything but that i beg
i don't need to hear it
to know that i fear it
we get lost in the fire sometimes
but we always clear it
if you can't tell me you love me
just say that you hate me
one might upset me
but the other will break me

why is what i'm doing not enough
so much progress but haven't touched
a single dream i had
making myself feel bad

cause i did things
a lot for me
but i'm still so far
and it breaks my heart

how much harder must i fight
when there is no end in sight
if i could have one thing for sure
that's all i ask for

putting in effort
past the point where i should be done
trying to be
the Sierra you need me to be
everything to everyone

a sister
a lover
a confidante
put a quarter in
and get the Sierra you want

nice and sweet
soft and cuddly
honest and blunt
submissive and loyal
a Sierra that succumbs

i get it
i am only sixteen
i know
i have so much more to experience
how many times
do you have to tell me my age
trust that i understand
the concept of time
and how i've passed through it
to get to this wonderful number
sixteen

so now that we have covered that...
explain how that makes me any less than you
how it makes my opinions invalid
in your eyes
my experiences just exaggerations
my feelings just a side effect of hormones
just because i am sixteen

i'm tired of being
passed on
pushed away
looked past
walked over
put down
locked up
cut off
just because i am sixteen

i am sixteen
for now
but that doesn't mean my thoughts don't matter
actually never mind
me trying to explain my "complicated emotions"
is fulfilling your preconceptions of me
just because i am sixteen

i am willing to listen
but i can't read your mind
tell me what you want
so i can make it right
if you bite your tongue
you're gaming for a fight
i am willing to listen
but first you need to try
to communicate
exactly what you need
to state your expectations
directly to me
i keep listening
but you fail to speak
don't you say i'm not trying
when you just keep ignoring
every sign and every attempt
so you can have "your" way
can't listen to you
when you think but you don't say
keep on pushing pushing pushing
and i will walk away
gave you my patience
you give me pain

something has changed
since yesterday
from polar opposites
to something in the middle
something gray
something scary
something strange
something stimulating
something inflamed
where i ache
to pull you closer
but my gut tells me
to run away
where your touch
burns me up
but still leaves me
drained
where i want to
tell the truth
but there is nothing
to say
cause nothing has
really changed
but it is definitely
not the same
one second
you'll hurt me
and cause all of
this pain
then you'll
draw me in
and i fumble
in your embrace
my heart, my thoughts
my mind, my brain
since yesterday
something has changed

words on paper
words on a screen
changing in the medium
doesn't change what it means
however it does
give you a secret to keep
that your handwriting is so bad
that when you use a pen it screams

reoccurring nightmare
stagnant judgement
my worst moments on a loop
and i can't expunge them

suffocating pressure
emotional outbursts
did i forget how to apologize
or do i pretend to not know the words

manipulative people
asking where i've been
planting their seeds of hate
that burrow beneath my skin

complicated questions
underestimated
heightened expectations
they must be mistaken

late nights into mornings
barely a wink of sleep
so fearful of my nightmares
i won't allow myself to dream

careful but not careful enough
one excess thought
and i go into overload
mechanical failure
completely detached
my mind begins to implode

I'm strolling, strolling
Strolling, strolling
Turned the other way
Still strolling, strolling
Strolling, strolling
I'm walking in the other direction, because
I don't need to know what you're doing
To close my eyes at night
Don't want to know what girl you're *******
I think I'll get by fine

So I'm strolling, strolling
Strolling, strolling
To get you out my head
I'm strolling, strolling
Strolling, strolling
To show that I know myself
Because I won't chase
After you anymore
We can't lean on each other
Like before

Because I'm strolling, strolling
Strolling, strolling
Into my destiny

i could move a mountain
i could part the ocean
i could touch the sky
but i can't handle my emotions

i drown in loneliness
i run into problems head first
i fly away when i get scared
and somehow that makes it worse

because i can be magical
i can be a presence
but when you look at me
my resolve lessens

i forget what i am doing
i'll just hide myself in the shadows
praying you don't see me
camouflaged with bravado

i'm a natural
it just flows when i let it be
but i become an actress
when your in the vicinity

and if you wanna sit here and argue about who's right
i can leave you to yourself to lash out and start a fight
have some nice dnd for once and a quiet night
sometimes it feels like all you want is to see me cry

it burns to stand beside you
even if you mean no harm
the heat of the situation
penetrates my safeguard
it hurts even when you
dont mean for it happen
choosing to befriend you
led to more pain than I'd ever imagined

i dont hate you
i just can't be near you
for you bring the past alongside questions

if i wanted to erase you
i would have done so in a heartbeat
i would have done it long before your presence

here today thats also permeated in my mind
you might not be the loss of my life
but you are more than just a lesson

i can make do
but i can't ignore my feelings
and where we can't meet we have to make concessions

and if i have to let you go
and when it breaks my heart
i guess i'll have to let it

i can love from afar
but i can't love you half as hard
things can change when you least expect it

but the good outlives the bad
the best times we ever had
i do truly cherish every second

we shared and i always will
but even though i care i might have to ****
the part of me that wants to correct this

maybe we've outgrown our spot
before these roots rot
let's try to save ourselves the infection



bury what you can't carry
a kiss for what you'll miss
a tear for the fears that came true

a shaking fist to the sky
i can say i tried
but i can never answer for you

so i lay down my offerings
my last intentions and pray
that we can make right from wrong

and that if we can't
we can find peace in an ending
and cleanly move on


oh what ever will it be

it's red never green
but its black when i can't see
when it pools in my eyes
and slides down my cheeks
the feeling so indescribably large
yet nothing but a point in the void
the only thing helping me navigate
is the faint sound of your voice
because i'm lost in nowhere
looking for a way to get somewhere that doesn't exist
at least not yet
but i still wanna look for it

heaven could be closer than i'd like to think
but i'll have to crawl through hell just to have that peace
and i don't think i have it in me
i can't afford to gamble with my last good thing

just skip me until i'm ready

fundamentally speaking
youre not wrong
you're just not gonna be right in the end

i understand what you're thinking
but its just not that simple
the regret'll eventually set in

destroying myself
for a little bit of comfort
it's fun for whatever that's worth

know i'm choosing hell
in a couple months i'll be chewed up
for now i'm not concerned

you say
a safe space
at your place
no more reason to chase

urge to scream
but i can't breathe
don't need
you objectifying me

see that you're on right now
pondering what would happen if we talked right now
we're both more than able but its clear
that you don't want me around
but i know you're up in bed
thoughts messing with your head
or maybe that's just me
i remember when you said
that i was perfect for you
what happened to us two
i probably shouldn'tve pushed you away
but i didn't know what else to do
when the feelings started to change
stopped smiling when you said my name
just hurting one another
didn't wanna be the cause of your pain
so i released you to the skies
just to dream of you every night
it's been long enough now
but you still cross my mind
and in another world we'd be okay
but that time is not today
even after all the **** you did
i hope you feel loved and happy and safe