you never had me
you just want to think you did

things change so fast that you won’t know till it’s over
the flowers are gone and the dirt is dry
trees are bare and the air is frigid
you feel like your heart could explode at any second but you hold it in
just because the seasons change doesn’t mean that its always bad
lights and songs don’t mean you lost your innocence forever
not even as if it feels like you can never go back to the person you were before
just wait for the rain to fall and learn to heal

sometimes feeling nothing more than the outer emotion of attraction is better
you don’t have to experience your heart breaking in two while watching them leave instead of watching movies with your sister
or sitting in the corner of your friends bed thinking of them instead of having fun
sometimes it’s better to feel nothing in order to begin to feel something other than heartbreak

sometimes
i stare up at the moon while sitting on the front steps
and wish for something better
searching so deep for hope
hope that's been wasted on silly things
i could've repaired family relationships
or spent more time reflecting on myself
but instead
i made a mess and now i have to clean it up
and then i realize staring at the moon won’t help me

things were good,
but then they were bad
i don’t know how to feel about the outcome

i hear the ocean sometimes
i can almost see it,
reach out and almost touch
then, it disappears

flowers that climb to tickle the bottoms of your feet,
falling just to pick yourself up and do it again.
swirl of no-worries, no cloud of darkness
***** hands, messy hair.
something good before the bad