i dont remember gifting you a knife
you sure do use it often

digging fingernails in my skin to feel
warmth of blood,passionate and red
the music is loud but my heartbeat is low
ringing sounds in my head, party noises
i'm desperate for a muffled one instead
i travel with a mind lift
lift down in the room the horror dreams prepare you for
at level zero where breathing is a difficult skill
air doesn't exist and minds collapse
i feel the lack, i hear the choking the static, i smell the blood and the illness
clenching my eyes they turn backwards inside my skull
seeing the names of those who destroyed the home i built
always smiling politely they welcome me
as a guest in my own place
''hello there predator
is this basement warm enough for you
are these chains secure enough for you? ''
shaking vigorously no nonono
death is upon me
cursed cursed cursed for eternity
listening to laughter,talking to thoughts imagined
in this basement never to be found

what would happen if a lock you inside my blood swimming alone
soft and wet just like a dream i had on a day that had 7 seconds left in it
where my lungs were dry and my eyes wandered
searching for a way to save the gunshot wound you made
didnt have very good luck
finding you then
my love oh my love is afraid
afraid i will leave you
buy a car just to **** myself
or bite parts of your heart
i may not know how to live
but i know how dying works
which street to find it on
which door to knock on
come in

maybe i have died
and that is why he is not responding anymore

i cry and smell my childhood
through my stuffy nose
and i wish i was a little child again
late at night where i can scream
and feel mother's arms around me
and then she will bring me cherry juice
but instead of cherry juice i see and taste blood
instead of warm arms i feel my own clawing at my skin
and i feel as old as 90
with only hatred surrounding me
mom doesnt hold me anymore
because im grown
go hug yourself
and go take your skin off while doing so
and rest

sometimes i wish i left my nails long
because in moments like this
i really want to scratch and shape them
on my skin
until they get red
a pretty vibrant color