oh boy
you broke me forever
or so i thought
i don't know how to act in love
you made me fall in love
years ago now
to this day all i think of some days
is the words that slithered out of your mouth
"i love you more than anyone"
you made me fall in love
i couldn't help myself
never did i doubt you
even though i should've
i believed in us for so long
blindly following your lead
only to find out you were destroying me
it's kind of funny
that day i left the love before you
we went on a long walk in the rain
smoked a whole pack of cigarettes
the streets smelled of metal and mildew
you drew a heart on the bench we always met near
then out came your pocket knife
and you stabbed the heart you drew
it's kind of funny
you tried to make me feel secure in this way
but in reality, you were stabbing me
repeatedly and i didn't ******* know
i know now
i'm sorry to say that
we can never be the same again
after you abandoned me so suddenly
over and over
and tried find your way
back under my skin
manipulating me
making me think this was healthy
i trusted you
gave you the key to my home
only for you to throw it away
then go digging for it in the rain at 3am
when you needed attention, like a thirsty wilting plant
yet i knew this was wrong i stayed
when you yelled
and told me that you had written about me everyday
since the day we met
i lost control yet still
i let you in again
after you called me things that ate at my skin
i let you in
you made me think i was unlovable, untouchable
i forgive you for that
now knowing who you truly are
i just can't stop the guilt
why do i always feel guilty for feeling guilty
because you took away my love for the world
and gave me a new kind of love for it
you took away my pain
and gave me a new kind of pain
do you remember when we walked along a crimson pathway
just as the sun was setting
feared for the forest ahead, with it's tough edges
but you told me
"look between the branches, between the trees
the branches push the sky past to kiss the moon"
i felt as if i had seen a new view of the world
i was completely ignoring for 17 years
you changed so many things for me
i believe you shaped a lot of who i am today
and i will always love you for putting my mind at ease
do you remember that day
when i had finally been inside your home
after a year you felt comfortable
OK with me seeing this part of your life
you opened up, even though it took more convincing
than it takes the ocean to stop throwing waves
we came in and you made me feel welcome
treated me like i was yours
you brought me upstairs innocently
all i wanted was to kiss you
finally taste the cigarettes and syrup on your lips
but somehow you wanted more than this
and somehow i was OK to give myself to you
i was a dying flower and you pulled away my petals
by the time three quarters of them were gone you said
"this isn't right"
i felt so sick
i still get that same type of sick
when i think of those words
you told me once you finally reached inside
you told me keep my mouth shut tight
i still play all of these summers we spent together
through over and over in my head
all the broken promises
you tried to cover in band-aids
i think the one thing i'll never grasp about you
is how selfish you were
you'd always, and still do say
"why didn't you come to me
when you were going things
that made you want to die every night"
yet when i did come to you
you pushed me away
made me feel completely unsafe around you
when you came to me at 4am with insecurities
and hopelessness
i was there and 100% ready
to do whatever needed to be done
but you pushed me away
one day you'll realize
and i mean truly realize boy
that all i wanted was you
but i just wasn't enough
i used "boy" to avoid using his name, so yeah.