It's been 3 1/2 months
And I'm still crying myself to sleep
I don't know if I'll ever forget about you.
I never want to
You were everything to me
I don't want anyone else
So it's 11:30 on a Saturday night
And I'm laying here
Crying myself to sleep.

I don't want to be
A walking cliche
But I have to get this out.
I hate it when you ignore me
I hate when you lie
I hate when you get mad
I hate when you make me cry.
I hate it when you look at me
The way I can never be mad at you
I hate that you make me hate me
When your the one that made me love me.
I hate when you leave
I know you'll be right back
But you go anyways
I hate when you act like your better then me
Like your so much more superior
I hate when you yell at me
How it hurts my heart when you call me a *****
Even when I'm being one.
And lastly
I hate that you keep getting me to love you even when your not trying...

Once viewed as Monsterous
In my own eyes
I couldn't see the things
That made me gorgeous
In another's eyes
I would forever be
Always seen as very pretty
But to me it seemed
I could never be
Anything more than hideous.

I hated myself
My body and soul
I hate my body
I felt like a troll
I hated my smile
My teeth never perfectly white
I hated my hair
Never seemed right.
I hated my stomach
Gorged and big
I hated the hair
That covered my skin

Through the eyes of another
I took a second look
They begged me to see
What was Necessary.
How my eyes shined
Without cause
How even though my smile wasn't perfect
It broke no beauty laws.
How the fat that encompassed me
Was not hideous in the slightest

I found I was not ugly
Not fat
Beautiful.
In every way humanly possible.
And I am proud of the way I look
Inside and out
I am alive
And that's all that counts.

I wanted to love you
I wanted you in my arms every night
I wanted you when things got tough
I wanted you even when it wasn't right.

Now I lay here
Alone in my bed
After you've gone
Sad thoughts racing through my head.

I let you in
I let you be there for me.
I trusted you
And you betrayed me.

Now my tears fall on my pillow
Every night I lay on my bed
Cuddle with your sweater
That you left for me
And I think of the first time I saw you
Our first date.
I think of the way you used to stare at me
How your eyes lit up and your smile grew the moment you got out of your car.
The first time I made you dinner
And how you loved it so much you got thirds.
The late nights we spent cuddling on the couch watching Lord of the rings.
And every single time we were intimate.
How you could make me shake.
How you made me feel like I wasn't alone.
I think of how much I love you
Until I fall asleep with tears running down my cheeks.

I never want to stop loving you.
But I have to.
We can never be together
Ever again.

Away from the stars
Away from the sun
high above the universe
A Princess's spirit
flies to the heavens above

Below here on Earth
She will be dearly missed
We all saw her worth
I think that's all she wished

And through the Heaven's
far she'll fly
Just so you know
It's ok to cry

She's looking down at us
to chase away our fears
and she'll always be here
to help wipe away the tears

She'll always be that sunshine
that ray of light
that new daisy blooming
after a rainy night

and letting her go
is no small feat
it takes strength

The strength of knowing
we'll all be reunited someday.

The summer i first met you
The day i first talked to you
now everything is just this cosmic blue.
when at first it was tinged with red
red for love.

You lied to me
every single day
every single message.
Everything since i met you
it was all just lies.

I let you in
i trusted you
but you had manipulated me
and now everything is cosmic blue.

I'm numb.
i don't know how to feel
i feel violated.
You were so deceitful
and just evil.

I just saw I side of you I never knew
And now everything is just cosmic blue...

I wake up in the morning
You beside me
You smile as you look at me.
"Morning beautiful" you whisper.
You kiss me.
Kids burst into the room
Jump onto the bed
Calling us mommy and daddy.
They look like mixtures of us.
Your hair
My eyes.
Your nose
My mouth.
They ask us what we're doing that day.
The day progresses
You go to work
Kiss me goodbye
And just like that
Our day turns to mine.
And already I miss you.
But this is not our life.
This is the future I saw with you.
My fairytale I saw with you.
The one that didn't end when I walked down the aisle.
The one I saw with us growing old together.
I didn't see you
Leaving me for someone else.
I didn't see you
Never loving me.
Never in my wildest nightmares
Did I ever predict
That you would leave me
And that you never loved me.
I saw a future with you.
Accidental and flawed.
But real
And true.
A future that can never be.
Because you left me
For her